Thank you for the nice welcome Kazanne. So happy to read your story. You were adopted by the right people obviously. Not everyone who gives birth is a responsible mother or father. You are right you were much better off with your loving Mum and Dad . You sound well adjusted and happy. How refreshing on a web site to read of peoples lives ,such openness and courage. I will now think about me doing the same. Am I as brave as the rest of you? LOL

Do it Anne, it's like internet therapy :D

Welcome to the forum :love:

I look forward to reading your story annie666,I have just done a summary of mine ,not gone into much detail,but it's nice to read others life experiences:xyxwave:

right, okay....here goes.

I'm Kate, and I am a complete mess a lot of the time, I could write an entire book (seriously) The two things I retain which keep me going is my sense of humour, and a few people I allow close enough to call genuine friends.

I am 43, but I don't feel/act like that age, this could be considered either a good or bad thing depending on your point of view.

My background....

Grew up in an average family, mum and dad, two kids. I am the elder, my brother is three years younger. My dad has now passed away, and my brother is married, we are complete opposites, not at all close. My mum isn't at all touchy feely or one for demonstrating emotion, and was brought up herself very strictly and to always have the house perfect and is far too bothered about what other people think. She nags constantly. I always felt her disapproval and that I was a disappointment. She won't leave the house with so much as a hair out of place. I don't give a ****. (:D) I rarely do make-up and I live in jeans and t-shirts. You will NEVER get me in a dress.

I left home at nineteen and went to stay in my mate Jane's house. Got a job in a make-up factory packing. (I went to college after school, but just pissed about, I am not overly academically qualified, I am bright but was lazy, just wanted to have a laugh. Went a bit (ok a lot) wild. Weekends would see me at Lowie's club in town, with mates, picking up lads. I slept with a fair few, bit sluttish, but there you go.

At 21 I met my son's dad, and was involved with him on and off till the age of 29. I can't say it was the biggest mistake of my life because I have my lovely son as a result and he really is my pride and joy, but other than that it was a nightmare from start to finish, the best thing I ever did was (finally) walk away, though it took a hell of a long time to get there. If I thought I had low self esteem then, it was nothing compared to the state I was in emotionally when it was all over, some 8 years down the line.

He was the perfect guy for about 6 months, long enough for me to consider myself in love and then almost overnight, like flipping a switch, he changed. Well, he didn't really, he had just been hiding his true self.

He cheated on me regularly, and made no attempt to hide it, he enjoyed seeing me upset. He gradually isolated me from all my friends, and completely controlled every aspect of my life. The putdowns and insults were constant. When we moved in together he started to hurt me, he would twist my arm, flick his lighter in my face, or singe my hair, and laugh, say he was just playing.... He drank heavily, more and more as time went on. One night, he brought a bread knife to bed and put it on the floor, saying it was for if I got on his nerves. That became a regular occurrence.

When I got pregnant he calmed down for a while, he was still very controlling, but he was working away a lot driving coaches. He lost his license for drink driving in 1996, it was coming up to Christmas, and he was sacked. He came home drunk out of his head, smashed a glass on the floor and tried to shove it in my face. I was about 2 months pregnant at the time, was terrified. I managed to put my hands up to protect my face and my index finger was sliced to the bone, he phoned his mum in a panic, she took me to the hospital. I had to have plastic surgery on my hand and it is still scarred noticeably today, they took skin grafts from the inside of my palm to repair it.

I was ashamed, so I told my parents that I had cut it washing up, that a sharp knife had been in the bowl and I didn't see it, that lie is intact to this day, if they ever suspected they never said so.

I finally left him just after my son was born, he was born in July and I left in September 1997, the day Diana died it was. I just took him from the house saying we were going for a walk. We never went back. I went straight to my mums and that was the end.

In the final few months his behaviour had escalated to nightmare proportions, he had rigged up a noose in the bedroom and said he was going to kill himself soon, but he hadn't decided when, I would just come home to find him swinging. He had started using his lighter on my hair again and bringing the knife to bed.

The day I left he had gone out to the pub and I was ironing baby clothes and bedding, the news was on, it was all about Diana's death. I decided to go, this complete calmness just came over me. When he came in I said I was taking the baby for a walk, and as I mentioned previously, we never went back.

He tried taking me to court for access but the judge ruled him unfit. I never saw him again. In 2010 he was jailed for life, he stabbed his partner with a kitchen knife, I hope the evil bastard rots and dies in there.

I have rebuilt my life, but the effects still linger, I am not the person I was before I met him, I trust very few people. I have undergone long term counselling twice, once directly after I left him, and once after he was jailed as it brought everything back to me.

I will never have a relationship again. I know I will be single for the rest of my life, probably be a mad cat woman, I just cannot do it, I am quite happy on my own.

So right back at the the beginning of this epic post, I said I was a mess. But I am not unhappy. I thank God for the blessings and good things I have, and that I got out when I did.

I am far happier talking to people on a forum than I am interacting in real life. I prefer the written word to conversing in person, I write a lot for pleasure, creative writing is my main hobby. I enjoy organising stuff for people to do, and just being daft and light hearted. I crave praise and people saying good stuff about me, because I have never had it in actual life. This is more than a little sad, but whatever gets you through eh...

(I think I'm done)

A lot of respect for you Kate!

Thank God you got out whilst you did!

Kate's 43? :eek:

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But, seriously, big respect. You did what was best for you and your child.

..crikey Kate, I think I knew that your sons dad was in prison for murder..?..did he kill her..?...I think you posted that before but I didn’t know it was his partner or about the abuse in your relationship...it doesn’t sound as though you were a confident person anyway but that time in your life must have diminished your self-esteem completely...no one has the right to do that to another person and no one, either male or female, deserves it..I’m lucky in that I met the most caring and kind person in the word and I always say that a few moments with someone like that is better than a lifetime with an idiot..your ex-partner was a bit more than an idiot, I think...I’m so glad that you were brave enough to get away from him and sorry that his other partner didn’t..and you have a son, who I know you adore, so a ‘silver lining’ came out of it, which I know you would never change but you shouldn’t have had to go through any of that...

...Kate, you say that you have a passion for writing and people often write best from their own life experiences..have you ever thought of writing down any of this...I think there are far too many people who are still where you were then and maybe it could help them to escape their circumstances....

44 in a couple of weeks!

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That is a really compelling outline of your life so far *Kate*. The respect I already had for you is even more increased now.

Well done on your re-building of your life and I really hope all you really hope for comes to you in life.

Take care. thank you for sharing all that with us too.

Kazanne, loved your write up, you are to me one of the most inspirational members on tibb anyway.

Kate you are so brave,you must have been terrified,so glad you have your beautiful boy out of that carnage,life deals us a bad hand sometimes ,but sometimes we can turn it round and come out on top,Life is a gift,try and treasure it and forget the bad things that blight it,Glad you are happy on your own as some people cant seem to function without a partner,you are brave and thankyou for sharing that,I understand you more now.

Thankyou Joey,I am a great believer in life is what you make it,yes I've had sad times some very traumatic,but I've dealt with them best I can and I thank God for everything I have.Thankyou for that compliment Joey it means a lot to me.:hugesmile:

Ben,I love doing that too.I have been told I am a deep thinker and I do like to ponder on things,dont get me wrong I like people but I treasure those moments you've described there.:hugesmile:

Reading some of the write ups on here,my life is still rather non eventful really with still loads to come though,never mind I find these things therapeutic so here goes.

I am 21 years old, Male,I came a little early while my Parents were visiting a relative in the South of England otherwise I would have been born in Ireland.
I am of full Irish ancestry on my Mother's side and full Scottish ancestry on my Father's.
My Father is a barrister and I have 3 older,much older, Brothers of whom all of them are in fact old enough to be my Dad too.
In fact 2 of my Brothers Children are in fact older than I am.It is odd when they call me Uncle.

I am fortunate to still be here at all, I have had pneumonia twice in my life and it nearly ended my life when I was 4 years old.
However that is the real only health problems I have had.
As a child I had a massive fear of Santa Claus, I wanted nothing to do with him,I couldn't sleep on Christmas eve but all for the wrong reasons,dreading him coming,even saying I wanted no presents and for him to take mine to someone else.

I have a wonderful supportive family who are always there for me but not in an intrusive way. What I decide to do as to my life has their support even if it goes against their own train of thought.
For instance, I come from a strong Conservative background, however I no way hold to any power or person who prey on the weakest while bulding up the richest and strongest.
This means I have crossed completely the political divide now following this Govts hard hearted policies against the weakest and most vulnerable.

Politics is something I am fascinated with and Law too, it is why I spent all my teenage energy making sure I got the grades to go to University and study Politics and Law, courses I have now just completed.
Now I have at least the next 6 months or so to go travelling a bit and catch up with people I have not seen for a fair few years now due to my intense studying.

The greatest influence in my life would be my Grandmother on my Mother's side, she was Irish and very outspoken but she instilled in me so many things that I try to live by.
When she died just before I got to University,I was really sad because I wanted so much for her to see me do it and be there when I finsished. That's life though.

I think I will likely stick with Law, I feel in poitics you are a small cog in a massive wheel that has one purpose to keep the party machine rolling, I don't see how that really helps people who are unable to fight or speak for themselves.
In Law,I will get the opportunity to help those who need it ease their worries and burdens, hopefully too by being as sucessful for them as I can.

I love music, all types of music except for rap, from classical right through all the commercial pop to the punk era and to the present.
My journey through music and I do like singing a bit too, has brought me to be a strong,almost obsessed,fan of PETULA CLARK.
Downtown, is my all time favourite song and I have set myself the aim to acquire as near as I can get to all her recorded work.
I am driving people mad with that.

I have a major problem though, I never know when to stop talking, I go on and on as you will have noticed in this write up. The description of me from some of my tutors was,that I was someone who if he was going to London from Manchester,he would go via Aberdeen.
I have tried to acquire the skill of saying a lot in a few words but have all but given up now.

I am in many ways a loner,
I have a wonderful family and extended family,I have many friends but few that I call really close friends,I need to be on my own a lot, preferably spending time with my dog but I always also make sure I am there for people who may want to talk to me or who may need me.
I can be sneaky, I have tested people I wondered if I could trust with some totally random nonsense about myself and thankfully only a few have proven unable to be trusted.
I hate genuine muck stirrers and 2 faced people, I have no problem with people talking about others but hate it when they quote the person they are talking about but add their words and what they wished they'd said rather than what they actually said.
Anyone in my life that was like that would be cast out of it very quickly.

I have at this point, no girlfriend, no intention of looking or any intention of getting married in the medium future.
I want to get my career sorted and secured and who knows what may happen then.
My family and friends and also some people on here,(tibb),are the people I like around me at this point in my life.

I come from a privileged background but the people I get on with best are those who didn't. They make up the bulk of my real closest friends.
I am a staunch and rigid supporter of the Police and I believe in the equality of all,where all benefit from all good things and not just some.

That's really me up to now, I have loads of Nephews and Nieces and few difficulties in life.
My only real fear is of daddy long legs, I lterally still freeze if I am in room with one,I am fascinated by the insect world but find it a cold and sinister world too.

A lot more to come for me in life,good and bad so I hope I keep to the words my Grandmother said, ''if you cannot say something good about someone then don't say anything, look to do good turns to people not bad ones''.

I like you.

well done kate
43 wowers

and joey wowers

I knew it Joey,a man of integrity,honest and fair,your grandma was very wise as they often are,she would be so proud of you,your family sound lovely I am proud to call you a friend:hugesmile:

:love: to everyone who has opened up in this thread!

wow... this is a lot to take in, wish I'd read it from the start so I had a clue where to begin talking to everyone :laugh: you're all rather brave. :love: I'll post in here later.

I'm glad everything's good now :love:
And speaking of writing I remember you saying you almost became a writer for Hollyoaks last year, you must be really good :)

Right I might as well do this, but I don't know what to include, I don't want to be morbid as **** either. :/

All I did was went through all the years of my life and thought about anything that stood out. :joker: That's the easiest way, just leave out anything you want to.

Kate :hug:

Nice to get to know a bit more of you Joey and Dean.

this was incredibly moving to read

i'm so glad you're away from that monster and that he's behind bars! he'll never be a father, no matter what the certificate says. i hope he never gets out!

Posted one yesterday but it was boring as **** tbh, so I just deleted it.

I'm Sam, I'm 16 in a month and a bit and I'm from Dublin. I'm the middle child between an older brother and a younger sister. I have a normal/boring family life, we're all close but not overly close. Its the one thing in my life I see no need for improvement. Without sounding like a way of rubbing it in, this thread has actually made me feel very grateful for them.

Appearance wise, I'm fairly bog standard. Nothing amazing, up until recently it was always something I loathed about myself. I went through a rough patch which resulted in me losing alot of weight (I posted about it on this forum before and basically got burnt at the steak and accused of attention seeking) I managed to get it under control after a while and I'm happier now, although im starting to get pudgy again tbf. About two years ago I really liked this girl so this resulted in me getting contacts, changing my hair and clothes. I suppose it was a good thing because looking back I was a fairly ugly child, Its sad but I cant stand looking at pictures of myself between the age of 6-13 because it just makes me feel like **** at how bad I looked. Hmm makes me seem really vein, but I'm not.

Personality for me has changed just as much as my appearance, I have gotten more shy as time goes on. I used to just constantly talk and be loud but recently i've just quietened down. Thats why I dont really post, I just like to lurk. Not in a weird way, I just like listening and tbh I find it hard to fit in to already established groups which this forum basically is. I'm part of a large enough group of people in real life but I've remained best friends with one of them for 10 years, the rest can annoy me but this person never does. We basically share the exact same opinion, always agree and he's basically a brother to me. I tend to get on better with girls, I'm not interested in football in the slightest and I find it easier to talk to girls. This has led to me receiving constant jokes about me being gay. It used to bother me, now it doesnt. I know I'm straight so I dont really give a ****. I do actually fear I'm bipolar, the description of the disease basically describes me as a person and how I feel. Its something I dont like talking about, I suppose i've never looked to have it assesed because Im afraid it will become more real then. I know I sound like i'm just being an attention seeker but I genuinely just go from being in an amazing mood to being sad for no reason in the matter of minutes. I told one person about it but we ended up falling out almost immediately over something different so its something I've never really talked about. I've managed well with whatever it is so far anyway, and I can deal with it for the time being.

I do quite well in school. I dont really listen and spend more time outside the door then I do in the class but I still maintain above average grades. Best of both worlds really! Im alot more confident in school, I dont know why. I think its being around the people I am in school just generally makes me feel more comfortable. I have just finished my junior cert and think it went quite well, I had a bit of the night before panic because I literally did about 3 hours for the whole of the exams. It worked out grand. I have no clue what I want to do after school, I definantly want to go college but I have no clue what I want to do. Its something I plan on deciding in the next year because I need to pick subjects and plan for points etc.