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I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn't cover a driver
So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it. |
My girlfriend get's annoyed when I mess with her Red wine, so I've added fruit and lemonade to it and now she sangria than ever.
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My wife is leaving me because I'm going bald.
I'm not bothered, it's hair loss. |
A female weightlifter goes to the doctors and says "I've been taking steroids and now I've grown a cock"
"Anabolic" says the doctor "No just a cock!" |
I swallowed a load of scrabble tiles earlier
My next sh1t could spell trouble |
Have you heard about the new 'Elbow' tribute band called 'Arse'?
They're so good, you can't tell them apart. |
My wife said she's kicking me out because of my obsession with Only Fools and Horses.
I said, Ok' I'll fetch the suitcase from the van. |
Did you here about the guy who made up the knock, knock, jokes?
Spoiler: |
What's brown and sticky?
Spoiler: |
Hey that's my joke :fist:
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sorry I just love it too much :worry:
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Quote:
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I was sat next to a fruit machine addict last night at a gamblers anonymous meeting.
It was awful, he kept nudging me! |
My wife kept going on and on about what she should use the empty drawer for.
Eventually I told her to put a sock in it. |
Apparently David Hasselhoff is changing his name to David Hoff.
He can't be doing with the hassel. |
I walked into a busy pub dressed as a tennis ball
I got served straight away |
Lovin' these, Alfie.
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Why did the Mexican have to take Valium?
For Hispanic attacks |
Quasimodo walks into bar...
Quasimodo :"Double Whiskey please" Barman "Bells alright?" Quasimodo "None of your ****ing business, just get me the drink" |
What is the definition of male foreplay?
You awake? |
Did you hear about the Star Wars jail film?
Spoiler: |
Made this one myself: What did the butcher say to the cow?
Spoiler: |
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