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TiBB Gossip Girl – Episode 3: ‘Bad News Hugo’

Gossip Girl: In our modern age, whenever a sex-tape is leaked to the public, the animals doing it are usually left banished from where ever the hell they came from. But not on the Upper-TiBB side. When your last name is of aristocracy, it’s just another scandal to the fortune. Looks like Lauren may worm her way out of this one after all, just in time for a bittersweet return to school.

Scene One:
Hugo’s party. The audience is talking as the film has just stopped playing. Teens are seen frantically opening their mobiles and texting.
Zak: Gossip Girl HAS to hear about this!
Billy: I always knew Lauren was a slut.
********************************
Sophie: Why didn’t I think of being in a sex-tape?
Gary: No one cares about your sex activities, baby.
Christina: Gossip Girl’s gone crazy. I can’t even access the site.
Gary: 150 dollars Lauren’s gone by the morning. 300 Hugo’s fled the state.
*********************************
PJ: So this is a Waldorf party? I would have come before if I knew there was free porn.
Shaun: Dirty Mr PJ! But I like… *giggles*
*********************************
Sia: Are you going to explain this Hugo or should I ground you for a lifetime right now? I fly from Paris to celebrate however old you turn and you pull a stunt like this? What the hell have you been taking this time?
Hugo: My party was ruined and all you can do is defend your horrible parenting skills? It occurred to me months ago that I don’t even know anything about you. To be honest, I don’t want to neither.
*********************************
Callum: What the hell Lauren?
Lauren: Come on, we’re getting out of here.
Callum: No, I’m not going anywhere with you.
Lauren: Callum! Just hold on a minute...

Scene Two:
The next morning, Hugo is lying in bed. He realizes he has slept in and goes to find Shaun.
Hugo: Shaun?
Soon after, Shaun tip-toes into the hall.
Shaun: Mr Hugo, you give me a fright! I didn’t see you there.
Hugo: Evidently…*smirks* Where the hell have you been? You seem to be running on Central European time this morning.
Shaun: I spend the night with Mr PJ…
Hugo: Gross.
Shaun: He very instructive in the bedroom-
Hugo: It just got grosser.
Shaun: Mr Hugo, you must get ready for school. First week back important time.
Hugo: I’m not going, Shaun. My reputation has been hit harder than Amy21’s floptastic comeback.
Shaun: You have friends Mr Hugo! You can speak to them.
Hugo: Don’t ever go to high school, Shaun. One sex-tape scandal at a party and the girls are all Lauren, Lauren, Lauren! It’s so hard finding obedient minions.
Shaun: *hugs Hugo* You be fine Mr Hugo.
Hugo: Oh, Shaun. If only the girls at school were 190 pounds of European comfort like you.

Scene Three:
Lauren is rushing to get ready for school when her mother, Linda enters.
Linda: Are we going to talk about it sometime soon?
Lauren: What is there to talk about?
Linda: The so-called sex-tape of my daughter which was broadcasted to everyone on the Upper-TiBB side?
Lauren: I don’t want to talk about it, okay? I have Callum mad at me and now I’m about to go face the vultures head first at school.
Linda: Tonight we’re discussing this.
Lauren: I can’t tonight, I…*looks at phone* I have a date with this guy…Sam.
Linda: ‘this guy, Sam’?
Lauren: Yes, but look I have to go now. I’ll call you tonight and we can discuss it soon. Speak soon!
Lauren rushes out of the room.

Scene Four:
Ninastar and Sam have just left their apartment and are on their way to school.
Ninastar: So, I’m guessing you heard about Hugo’s party last night?
Sam: Who didn’t?
Ninastar: Good point…
Sam: She hasn’t even replied, so I’m taking a guess here in she isn’t interested.
Ninastar: She’s probably just busy-
An alert rings from Sam’s phone. He’s received a text.
Lauren: I’ll take U up on that offer. 2nite?
Sam: Wow, its Lauren! She wants to go out tonight.
Ninastar jumps with joy.
Ninastar: See! And who said we Humphrey’s aren’t cool.
Sam: Our TiBB postcode…
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Lauren van der Woodsen doing her bit for charity and giving lonely boy his 15 Minutes.

Scene Five:
School. A number of students are gathered around the steps. Gary is leading the speech. Sophie and Christina are behind him.
Gary: As tradition states, at the start of each school year one of you is given the chance to join us, TiBB’s elite.
Lewis: Isn’t it usually Hugo leading the course?
Gary: Hugo is no longer a member.
Rizwan: OH EM GEE.
Gary: We’ll be looking at references throughout the day if you’re- yes?
Rizwan: Is it true he fled to Nigeria? I mean I just heard that…
Gary: What? Do you even go to this school?
Rizwan: GURL! You are just the funniest thing! Duh, I’m in your Math class. Oh my god, speaking of did anyone notice Miss Annie’s nose hair? Am I right? Am I right? Rizwan reaches for Gary’s hand.
Hugo enters the school yard.
Gary: Hugo, erm…hey. We didn’t think you’d show…
Hugo: Gary, you may be an expert at being a two-faced devious swipe, but you’re acting skills are as believable as Jessica Simpson’s. What’s going on here?
Gary: I and the girls voted and…we decided it isn’t safe for us to be involved in your inner-circle. You’ve kinda been dethroned. TTYL. Oh, and I’ll be wanting that shirt back.
Hugo stands confused as everyone follows Gary. Firewire and Madonna skip to Hugo. Madonna appears to whisper something into Firewire’s ear.
Firewire: He isn’t Malawian!
Madonna: We can still adopt him!
Firewire turns to Hugo.
Firewire: You wanna sit with us at lunch?
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Hugo, broken and defeated at the scene of a crime. Poor Hugo, heres hoping he can rise out of them couture ashes.

Scene Six:
TiBB School Hallway. Remy has just spotted Ross and begins talking to him.
Remy: So I heard you ruined Hugo’s party. It's verging your worst!
Ross: It was flawless. The damage couldn’t be any more appealing.
Remy: You could have ruined everything Lauren worked for! You-you had no right.
Ross: Listen, lover-boy. She doesn’t love you. No matter how many times you text, phone or disturb – she isn’t interested. Take a hint.
Remy: You know sometimes I wonder how I’m friends with such a jerk.
Ross: Just hold on-
Remy walks off in disgust. In the same hallway, Hugo chases after Lauren.
Hugo: Lauren, wait-
Lauren: You’re talking to me now?
Hugo: What Ross did, I didn’t realize he would play that tape.
Lauren: Yeah, because you’re always completely innocent.
Hugo: I’m here apologizing, take it.
Lauren: I never meant to just run out of town and leave you, I-
Hugo: Don’t talk about it. We can forget.
Lauren and Hugo begin to hug.
Gossip Girl: It’s often said when you want to climb back up to the top; you find the best rope available. Looks like Hugo found Lauren van der Woodsen.

Scene Seven:
Nina has just returned home, and is jumping up and down excitedly.
Red: Ha, what is it, Nina?
Nina: Sam. He totally scored his first date earlier.
Red: You’re kidding! With who?
Nina: Lauren van der Woodsen.
Silence.
Red: Really?
Nina: Is there a problem?
Red: No…
Red exits the room a while later and moves into his closet. After a while of rummaging through old shoeboxes, he pulls out an old, battered photo, clearly from the 80’s. There’s a young woman in the photo.
Red: Linda...

Scene Eight:
Callum enters his mother’s room.
Callum: Mum, it says on Gossip Girl Lauren’s going out with some guy? Says his name is Sam Humphrey. *smirks* She tracked him down.
Linda turns, shocked.
Linda: Sam Humphrey????
Callum: Yeah. Why are you so shocked?
Linda: Oh, it’s nothing…I’m sure she’ll be fine.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Momma L learning your first true love never really fades from existence. Could Linda really be making her Gossip Girl debut? How will long with L and H’s friendship really last? We can’t wait.
You know you love me.
xoxo
Gossip Girl