| Garfie |
21-10-2024 10:51 PM |
Having seen the different articles that members have posted, I’m confused about Ali, her actual diagnosis and her actual profession, as the information seems to differ somewhat. From what I’ve read, rather than being Autistic, she has Autistic traits, and like in the general population, those traits can be positive or negative. For me, although I might understand the reason behind her behaviour, it doesn’t excuse her when she does something wrong. Just like everyone else, people with Autistic traits will make mistakes; the important thing is for them to step back, reassess if necessary, and learn from those mistakes. Those on the Spectrum might well need a trusted external individual to guide them in this.
Having said all that, I personally feel that Ali has made an unfair analysis of Khaled, on which she has fixated, and now everything he does or says is interpreted by her, based on her original judgement, Fixed thinking is often an Autistic trait, which, in this case, is serving her badly and leading her to treat Khaled in a very judgemental, harsh and unjust manner. He can’t win.
Appropriate social skills can also be a struggle for those on the Spectrum, and they can present badly in social settings. They will often lack the niceties of social interactions, because they just don’t always understand them. An Autistic trait in a social setting, is to share their thoughts openly, bluntly and directly, as to them that it honesty. However, they won’t always recognise that to others those comments might be hurtful and tactless. They also might well fail to recognise the impact their words could have on the person on the receiving end or feel they aren't doing anything wrong.
Do I understand why Ali is behaving as she is? Yes.
Do I agree with or like her behaviour towards either Khaled or Marcello? No.
It’s a shame that someone neutral and outside of the situation isn’t there to help her reflect on her behaviour and to reassess the way she is expressing herself. To me, she needs to be rethinking her harsh judgements, recognising that there are alternative reasons for Khaled’s actions, and to be reminded how to tackle these conversations in a more open-minded, tactful and considerate way.
There is definitely an element of control Ali is trying to have over people’s behaviours and perceptions, and over the ‘rules’ in the house. Like many on the spectrum, Ali will feel the need to control situations, because she can operate more comfortably in environments she feels she has some control over. Again, is that right, or fair on others? No. Does it make her a bad person? No. Will it, however, come across to others badly and make her quite difficult to live with? Yes.
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