hahahahahaha

My wife came home to find me sniffing my daughter's knickers the other day. Wouldn't have been so bad if my daughter wasn't wearing them at the time!

No I wasn't. I really didn't get it, I kept repeating the words but nothing came out of it. :hugesmile:

hehehehe

:hugesmile:

I'm very confused.

I read in The Sun that the President of the United States has apologised for cheating on his wife. If that's the case, why are they still hounding him about cheating on Cheryl? And why didn't he use that time to apologise for his hand-ball against Ireland? And when is he returning to golf? This man has a lot to answer for.

Any England ones?

"Golden generation"? They are now since Germany just pissed all over them.

---

What's Matthew Upson's favourite pub?

Walkabout

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Nothing says "I'm about to lose my job, so I may aswell have some fun" like bringing on Emile Heskey to provide a goal threat when three down

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David Blaine is said to be gutted as his record for doing nothing in a box for 44days has been broken by Wayne Rooney

----

What's the difference between Emile Heskey and Harvey Price?

No seriously, what is it?

My mate told me this really sick one, idk if it's already been said but meh.

What's great about fucking twentythree year olds?

Nick Clegg demands England be given a role in World Cup quarter final. 'We scored 20% of the goals,' says Deputy Prime Minister.

3 guys walk into a bar.
Luckily the other guy manages to duck. :L

Old Mr Jones went to his surgery for his annual health check.

The practice nurse said to him, Mr Jones you have to stop masturbating.

Why, he said.

Because I'm trying to examine you she replied

What would Wayne Rooney be if he hadn't been a footballer?
A Virgin.

Spent £3,000 on aboob job for the missus, she's all smiles

Spent another £2,000 on a nose job for her, she's delighted.

Spent £30 for myself on a blowjob, she goes mental.

Women eh !!

England

We've had a severe weather warning - apparently there's a shower of ****e coming in from South Africa!

Fifa have opened a special freephone helpline for any England fans who have been embarrassed by the German goal bashing. Its 0800 41 41 41

Michelle on Manycam :)

Rob Green jokes are getting out of hand, they're crossing the line.

Jew jokes aren't funny, Anne Frankly I shall not stand them.

rofl.

It's Christmas morning. Billy and Timmy wake up at the crack of dawn, run down the hall to drag their parents out of bed, and fly down the stairs to the pile of presents around the tree.

When the dust settles, Billy has all these great presents: a video game system, a big-ass Nerf gun that shoots 8 different kinds of projectiles, one of those electric slot car tracks where the cars climb up the wall ahd go through loops. But then he notices that Timmy only got one present--a little Matchbox car, which he's pushing back and forth in the corner.

"Gee, Timmy," Billy says, "I guess I sure got more presents than you this year."

Timmy says, "Yeah, well at least I don't have cancer."

The Environment Agency has issued a severe flood warning for Scotland. The warning is linked to many Scottish football fans p*ss*ng themselves

To try and forget the debacle of the world cup, Fabio Capello has arranged a friendly against Iceland to try and get a bit of pride and passion back into the national team. If they win that one, further games could be arranged against Tesco's and Sainsbury's

Freddie Mercury is called in to see God. God says 'Freddie I always liked your music and I'm going to give you another life on earth, what do you want to be?'
Freddie says 'I want to be Englands goalkeeper.'
God asks 'Why?'
Freddie replies 'I'll have 10 arseholes in front of me, 50,000 pricks behind me and I won't be able to catch anything.'
________________________

Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menez.

It was his naughty little brother Dennis they were after.
________________________

1976 - Robert De Niro - Taxi Driver
3 Oscars & 3 Emmys.

2010 - Derek Bird - Taxi Driver

1 Oscar, 2 Emma's, 2 Billy's, 1 Mark & 1 Gary.
________________________

The England players visited an orphanage in South Africa this morning.
"It's so good to put a smile on the faces of people constantly struggling and facing the impossible", said Jamal Umboto aged 6......

Practice makes perfect, but too much practice makes you a *****.

MICHELLE/NIAMH

Cheryl Cole has got Malaria..I guess she didn't need a parachute then, she needed a net.

:shocked: Smithy!!!! I'm a married woman, you tramp!:nono: