Only the one's u used to post as much as possible or threads that already exist just with a different title :bigsmile: then whinge when they get locked.

If you mash it and mix it with astringent it will make a good face mask
(A tip from mother knows all.)

are we at 100 yet?

Ok, let’s recap and see what we have so far:


1. Hit someone over the head with it. (Dont mention Kinga)
2. how about slicing it up and put it on your salad ?
3. Put it on your eyes .
4. Playing rounders with it
5. Use it as a erm............ Microphone
6. I have another one cucumber races!
7. Roll out pastry with it
8. Stick it up your fanny.
9. Pretend your giving a blow job
10. Scratch your back with it!
11. stick pins in it?
12. Allow it to go rancid in the back of the veg box
13. conduct an orchestra with it
14. Stick it up yer ar$e if you dont have a fanny
15. I would make cucumber sandwiches for the queen
16. chop it up into slices ... lie naked on the table and fashion a cucumber slice bikini out of it.. which your partner could eat off of you...
17. I dont know, a walking stick for a dwarf
18. Erm cut it up and throw it at people why...? well why not!?!
19. Slice them and pu them on top of your nipples
20. use it as a baton in a race
21. Eat it
22. You could knock someone out with it
23. Put glasses on it so it will be as cool as a cucumber
24. cold cucumber soup
25. carve your x boy/girlfriends name on it and put it through the mincer
26. use in as a bat?? ie a rounders bat or something ...
27. Grow One
28. you could dress it up in pretty clothes and pretend it's your child
29. Stuff it
30. sit on it?? it could be like an emergency camping stool
31. make soup with it
32. use it as a Javelin
33. Cut it in half,
stick each half, (wait for it)
up your jumper
and prance around like Madonna
34. call it Vincent.. or Troy? cos those are cool names
35. cucumber prints
36. Make it disappear, in a weird sexy magic trick
37. Paperweight
38. Crush the cucumber add sone vodka and ice and make a cocktail
39. Hollow it out correctly and its a canoe, for your Action man or Barbie.
40. Keep your sister quiet by shoving it down the bell of her Cornet that she insists on blasting in your ears
41. A rollingpin
42. A blow pipe...Well you could if you drilled a hole through it
43. Stick cheese on sticks in it
44. Put it on a salad
45. Throw it in the river and see if it floats
46. using it as a draught excluder
47. sit on it
48. Shove the cucumber up yer ar5e along with the attachment, and fart and see which one comes back out first.. ..
49. Ram it down Shaggy's throat and see if he dies?
50. Push it into someone's mouth and test their gag reflex
51. Poke it into Gladders bird's eye to see if it goes black as the other one?
52. Put it down ur speedos before the swimming contest to impress the ladies
53. Use it as a sex toy? ( it had to be said )
54. sellotape it to your forehead and write "DICKHEAD" above it with a marker pen
55. cuttin yer dick off, sellotapin the cucumber in it's place, the sellotapin the dick to yer head, and then there would be no need for the marker pen. It would be self-explanatory.
56. use one as a butt plug?
57. rather big for a butt plug, but I suppose you could get your money's worth, by cutting it into 4 pieces, and having a butt plug for you and 3 of your close friends.
58. Glue an orange either side of it and hand it in to your art teacher, and tell them that it's a sculpture that represents masculinity?
59. Hold it up and say 'You go first, dear' when your partner suggests anal sex?
60. Spank your partner with it all in the name of a little 'S & M'
61. Sit in a supermarket cafe and simulate oral sex with it, whilst eye-ing up the middle-aged car-park attendant...
62. Stick 10 of them up Chuck Norris' ar5e and yell: "you're not so feckin tough now are you?"
63. Chuck Norris would snap the cucumber with his cheeks
64. chop it up. and try and throw each piece in the air and catch it in your mouth.
65. or if your daring. do it whole.
66. Bludgeon a certain FM to death with it.
67. Smack Gladders around with it
68. Carve the cucumber into a key shape then unlock the SMC thread with it
69. If you mash it and mix it with astringent it will make a good face mask

ironically enough, we seem to be at #69 for the thread with the most indecent replies ever!

#70 shrink to midget size .. carve it out and live in it..

71-Use it as a pretend megaphone

#72 If you are skinny, you could hide behind it
#73 shred it finely and use it to wipe your ar5e if you run out of toilet paper
#74 put wheels on it and use it as a roller skate
#75 use it as a gobstopper to shut up whiny people
#76 use it to demonstrate safe sex

77-Use it as a pretend airhorn
78-Cut your nose off and stick the cucumber in it's place
79-Stick it to the wall and use it as dart board
80-Shoot holes in it.
81-Use it as a subsitute for a spud gun

#82 put a pair of specs on it and a silly wig and call it Harry
#83 ask it for advice when buying shoes to see the look on the salespersons face
#84 carry it in ur pocket and raise your eyebrows at every female you see
#85 put it in a glory hole as a snack for the rent boys.. :rolleyes:
#86 threaten Chuck Norris with it and see how many seconds it takes for him to kick your ass

87-Cut it in half and use it as alien anteners
88-Carve an emo poem into whilst listening to some suicide music thinking you're misunderstood.
89-Make it into a goatee beard
90-Make it into a curry
91-Have a dual with it.

#92 put 'Just say no' stickers on them and hand them out at high schools
#93 use it to push the buttons on your remote control
#94 clean your ears out with it
#95 paint it brown and pretend it's a cr4p
#96 Throw hoops at it
#97 put it on the floor with your handbag and dance around it
#98 use it to knock the sh!t out of all the chavs who scream up and down the street in their corsas

99-Smash the ****ing attachement button with it.

#100 use it as a stick to hold up a huge banner which says "NO MORE POINTLESS THREADS PLEASE"

Finally this thread is over.. can it be locked now??

:hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello:: hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::h ello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::hello::he llo::hello::hello:

Yep that's 100 now, it's locking time.

nice work Dan. :thumbs:

Dont think it was pointless Lots of members joined in actually. But thanks for counting them all the same:wink:

That's all well and good but now we are done we can lock the bugger.

I still can't believe we actually got to a hundred without any of the posts being edited by admin.:shocked:

me either,,, i was in stitches when i done the recap!!! Some of them are class!

did anyone actually say that you could ram it up your fan.ny lol??

Yeah, I think it was Gazza...

every one in the list has been said in the thread. I used Copy & Paste. I take no responsibility for any of them.. (cept my own! :thumbs:)

Neither can I! :shocked:

:tongue:

Now locked as requested. :thumbs: