Never get on one knee for a girl that wont get on two for you.

Using 'shitloads' as an actual term for measurements

"Are you ready?" "Yes I'm Ready!" "I'm outside." "OH Shit!"

Shopping with mum and showing her how sick you can drift a trolley.

Do you want a tampon with that status you moody bitch

This thread made me laugh more than any other has for aaaaaaaages.

Flagging your girlfriend offside when she leaves the kitchen.

Nobody's Perfect, But Being From Yorkshire's Pretty Close


Alcohol doesn't solve any problems but then again, neither does milk.

Kidnapping a Japanese person and blindfolding them with a shoe lace

"Ask me if i'm a fridge"
"Are you a fridge?"
"No."

Did it hurt when u fell from heaven? Coz it looks like u landed on ur face.

Fat, single and ready for a pringle

Sounds hilarious. :D Wanna find it but I can't. :o

I'm one of those annoying people "Tom likes this page and 389239 other pages"

Texting your friend instead of knocking to let them know you're outside their house

Walking out of the bathroom when it's steamy and thinking "Tonight Matthew"

Putting quality banter before your friends feelings.

Quickly throwing up, then going right back on with your drunken night.

Sometimes i like to cover myself in vaseline, and pretend im a slug.

Trying to convince all 46 bitches you talk to that you're not a player

Being that person who always gets too drunk for no reason at casual events

Hope you have pet insurance because your pussy is about to get smashed

lmfao

Your not fat. Come on, chin up. and the other one.

oh my god

I wear hoodies because i'm going to knife you, not because i'm cold.

"Wanna hear a joke about a bird?"
"No."
"Oh.. hawkward."

"Wanna hear a joke about a blackboard?"
"No."
"Oh.. chalkward."

Wiping cum across your girlfriends forehead and whispering "simba"

Saying "Cheers" to the bus driver because he did an excellent job.

This killed me and I don't know why:

I hope you step on a plug, you ****.

Singing Along to Adele and realising that you sound exactly the same