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Anastacia :love:
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ANASTACIA WAS ROBBED
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=76 http://imgur.com/ShqKaBj.png Points: 34 The name Nancy Dell’Olio is a legendary one in UK reality TV circles, be it the time she emerged from a coffin holding a glass of wine and flashed her vagina at Len Goodman on Strictly, or… well, I can’t think of anything at the moment, but I’m sure there are plenty of other projects she’s done (poor Sven). That’s why Nancy’s Celebrity Big Brother stint would prove to be so hotly anticipated by everyone, or at least it would within the confines of my mind – would she and Kristina have a Strictly European battleaxe alliance? Would she and Angie fall out over the title of the only starfuucker in the village? How many days in would she be medically evacuated for liver failure? – and yet in reality prove to be so disappointing. Of course, being Nancy Dell’Olio, no appearance of hers can truly be disappointing as such. Just think back to how she spent the first live feed session of the series, five minutes after the launch, talking about how much she hates the house and everyone in it and would like to leave right now thank you. Or think back to when she got locked in jail in the garden for… some reason and threatened to call her lawyers on Big Brother. These were the kinds of things that would have been a given from Nancy Dell’Olio anywhere else, so the fact that they’re her highlights might make you wish that she’d been utilised a little more as a character, and not just somebody to pop up five minutes before her eviction lip-syncing to Hello. We salute you, Nancy. Hic. Or more specifically, Shaun salutes you. I’ll let him take this one: Somehow scrambling her way into our hearts - because she sure as **** didn't do it in January when it mattered - the former "person who shagged Sven Goran Eriksson for a bit", and somehow there have been three on Celebrity Big Brother now, although I've always had my doubts about Ben Adams, ended up cruelly evicted second. Would she have gone much further in a Vote to Evict series? I hear you pine, and the answer is "yeah probably", but I'm sure we can all agree that CBB17 didn't miss her too much. I of course am meant to be singing her praises, though, and what better example of Nancy's Majesty than her lipsyncing performance with Angie Bowie to Adele's "Hello"? Don't even try to deny that you cried. She hid some wine, she swatted away Winston McKenzie's advances and she admitted that the entire world is intimidated by her - which is probably why you've only put her [POSITION HERE, I AM PRESUMING IT'S NOWHERE ABOVE 60]. =76 http://imgur.com/96LFO78.png Points: 34 I don’t blame the Big Brother producers for trying to recreate a bit of the magic they somehow landed on the previous summer. Of course, they could have done this by bringing back, say, the likes of Vanessa and Audrey (and Jackie lol <3) rather than James, Da’Vonne and Vanessa’s sister, but with the show as it is, you’ll take whatever you can get and there were much worse options available. Having said that, the former two were weak versions of their former selves, and the latter barely lasted long enough to make her mark. Why, I hear you ask? Because her fellow housemates were too paranoid that Tiffany would turn out to be just as neurotic as her sister. And, I mean, they were right, but give the girl a chance why don’t you. To her credit, Tiffany wasn’t the first out (that honour fell to Glenn, now known by his official moniker, #GlennExposedParty) and also managed to survive the chop for the next three rounds, despite being the Roadkill nominee in week two and Bridgette’s target in week four. Eventually, Tiffany’s time ran out when P**lie won HoH, and she later lost the Battle Back to Victor, marking the end of this Rousso’s stint on Big Brother. But on the bright side, I’m sure we all look forward to seeing a three-year old cousin of the Roussos on BB19. Or something. |
The Laila mention has made me Christmas. Underrated legend :love:
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And now Nancy! NO TASTE, THE LOT OF YOU
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=74 http://imgur.com/c7AS5aQ.png Points: 36 Kristie’s entry marks the first Australian Survivor cast member to rank on this list. Now, I appreciate that most of you will not have watched a second of Australian Survivor, and many of you will be wondering what an Australian Survivor is and whether or not it can crawl up your toilet whilst you’re sat on it. But let me telling you that you’re missing out on not only of 2k16’s best reality TV seasons (lol as if there’s a great deal of competition), but perhaps 2k16’s greatest reality TV winner arc. Or second greatest, if you’re a proud member of Alana’s Angels. More on her later. But no, Kristie Bennett’s journey to the title of Australian Sole Survivor, in a season which many doubted at first and was frustrating at the best of times, helped to shape the show itself. We first saw Kristie in episode two, when she had a random OTTN meltdown over somebody intentionally hiding her bag, even though it later emerged that said bag was still wherever she’d left it. This, to fans of the wider Survivor canon, is known as ‘doing an Abi-Maria’. This clearly set her apart from her fellow castaways and made her a sure pick for the next elimination… and yet she wasn’t. She cleverly aligned herself with the women on her tribe and rode this alliance until the merge-which-wasn’t-a-merge, where she joined the dissolved Vavau tribe. The fact that this turned out to be one of the losingest tribes in Survivor history couldn’t stop Kristie, and she took advantage of one of the show’s many bull**** twists by blindsiding her ally Phoebe at the final pre-merge tribal council. Despite being the only remaining Vavau against ten(!) Sanaapu members at the jury stage, Kristie worked her way into the majority. She was laughed at by the jury for not flipping on the physical threats in her alliance, yet proved them wrong by winning the final crucial Immunity Challenge. The jury walked into Final Tribal Council not expecting to vote for her to win (and since there was only one other person to vote for, it wasn’t looking great), and yet she managed to completely change her perceptions of them by laying out every part of her 55-day game, giving her the win. Somehow. Anyway, now she’s somewhere in Las Vegas, stalking the cast of Millennials vs. Gen X and casually sneaking into the back of their photos, safe in the knowledge that she’s richer than most of them. Queen tbh. =74 http://imgur.com/mP0RjTh.png Points: 36 From the sublime to the less-sublime now, as – well, I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t the most avid viewer of this most recent run of I’m a Celebrity, largely because it was dull as all hell, but this particular inclusion did surprise me a little – Ola Jordan has qualified. Now, me personally, I would have thought that they whole being-married-to-James-Jordan-of-her-own-volition thing would have ruled her out permanently, but apparently she must have done something right. Either that, or this year’s I’m a Celebrity cast was so poor that you’ll take what you can get in terms of favourites. Who can say? Still, I’m sure that in and amongst the Martin/Larry/Danny middle-aged men drama, a small vibrant Polish woman was a welcome addition to the jungle, even if she only managed to muster up 4.89% of the vote to save. Luckily for her, she’s probably got a calendar out, and you might be seeing a lot more of her if her arse of a husband goes back into the Celebrity Big Brother house next month. What a joy that’ll be (by the way, these two entries are probably the most emblematic of the disparities between the lengths of the write-ups you’ll see tonight. I promise that if there was more I could have said about Ola Jordan, I would have done) |
We need Olegend in CBB
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=72 http://imgur.com/MjyziRC.png Points: 37 Known to 90s British sitcom fans as the leopard print-wearing, Madonna karaoke-singing cougar Dorien Green in Birds of a Feather and known to BBUK fans as a perennial Bit on the Side favourite (including that time she was on the same panel as Bianca Del Rio. What a bizarre show), it was for her role as, well, herself on the most recent series of Strictly Come Dancing for which Lesley Joseph wins her place in this ranking. The fact that upon signing up, she became the oldest ever female Strictly contestant and was partnered with Anton du Beke yet managed not to be completely terrible deserves some credit, and I guess this is it. She scored her highest score on the Charleston, which shouldn’t be a surprise considering she was alive in the 1920s. Sadly, however, after five weeks her time in the dancing competition came to its inevitable end following a routine in which she played a fortune teller so, really, she should have seen it coming. After her elimination, she was all “well of course I was going to be a good dancer, I’ve done musicals all my life, what did you expect?” in the press and proceeded to slag off Ed Balls which lol gwan Lesley atta girl. <3 =72 http://imgur.com/eiCDATo.png Points: 37 It’s taken us eight gyals (-Jackson Blyton, 2k16) to get here, but finally, we’ve come to the very first male contestant in this year’s TiBB Reality Ranking. And who is this fine specimen of a man, this strong, virile hunk of a fella? Why, it’s none other than Homes Under the Hammer’s Martin Roberts, who truly rose to prominence as a participant in the most recent series of I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. Try to resist your natural urges, ladies, I know it’s difficult. Perhaps the most random casting of the show which didn’t involve Diversity members or comedians in dick pic scandals, few expected much from Martin, especially when he was snuck into the jungle a few days in with fellow grumpy old man Danny Baker. However, Martin certainly delivered. I’m not sure what it was that he delivered, but he very much delivered. I’ll be the first one to admit that I wasn’t hooked to this year’s show so may have missed, y’know, the finer details of his general rivalry with almost everybody in camp, but one lasting memory I have is when Danny went off to do a trial, and Martin had an accompanying confessional which was along the lines of “HA HA HA I HOPE YOU GET EATEN BY A CROCODILE!”. I wish I was exaggerating. Yes, for some strange reason, Martin had a tendency to fall out with his fellow celebrities, or himself, or even just the surroundings, be it over washing dishes or his general existence. Later on, he became a bottom goddess, barely surviving the vote-off for three days in a row. Ultimately, this cockroach could not last, and he was ousted in a double elimination alongside renowned football star Boring Twat With Crap Tattoos. In a series as dry as I’m a Celebrity 16, it was nice to have someone like Martin to shake things up… oh god, I’ve just realised how easily can replace Martin’s name with Bear’s in the last sentence, do ignore me. Yeah, Martin was fine. |
Queen Lesley <3
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Ola and Lesley :love:
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#71 http://imgur.com/EzT8UMn.png Points: 38 A list of Cheban ~moments~: When, having only just entered the house, he began openly criticising the show’s casting department upon being told who Nancy Dell’Olio was When Gemma showed him the contents of her wardrobe and he laughed in her face about each and every one (choice quote: "it looks like a Mexican hit a car on his way to a fiesta") Actually, everything about his relationship with Gemma: Quote:
When he said he quit because he “ran out of things to do” When Jonathan (the other one, Firewire. I mean Fireplace) had the word ‘Cheban’ under his username for the best part of a year in tribute to this fallen hero, because why not For all of the above moments, I should probably like Cheban more than I actually do, but he was a fun presence in the darkness of CBB17 and that’s something. We salute you Cheban (and now he’s rumoured to be coming back as an All Star which… lol ok hun) |
Martin was clearly Top 50 worthy :nono:
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#70 http://imgur.com/CAx0Zy7.png Points: 39 GAYS WERE NOT THROWN OFF BUILDINGS FOR ME TO ONLY FINISH IN 70TH PLACE. THIS IS MAKING A MOCKERY OF RANKINGS. Ahem. Sorry about that. Yes, Andy was an interesting ‘un, as he was more-or-less cast solely for his sexuality, in this case for being fired for voicing out against homophobic Tyson Fury’s inclusion in the Sports Personality of the Year shortlist. And the matter of who he goes to bed with ended up defining his otherwise not-overly-memorable time in the house (other than his Chris Wright-lite diary room entries and maybe those seemingly endless scenes of him droning on about nothing in particular to Jason in the smoking area. Oh, and that time he was the unwilling audience for Marco Does Bieber), be it his argument with Ryan and Hughie over how gay married is not to be mocked under any circumstances ever, be it his boyfriend proposing to him in the house, or be it the fact that said boyfriend was soon caught flirting with other blokes on Grindr, after which Andy quickly called off the engagement. In a series with four gay men, I suppose it was going to have to be somebody’s role to be the patronising uncle lecturing all the gay kids about how they should never have fun because of ISIS. If he can appreciate the irony, then good for him. Still, he placed higher than Jayne and Evelyn, and that’s unforgivable. |
Chebs here ahead of his big return
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Throwing gays off buildings
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#69 http://imgur.com/IxNU0W8.png Points: 40 I know I said that I watched (at least some of) Love Island this year and I truly did make an effort and I did watch some of it but clearly not enough to form well-rounded opinions on this people and this is most evident in Kady's entry which refers to absolutely nothing from this show itself and I probably should have researched it better but I'll just take your word for it and say that she was a really good reality person and hope that you've stopped reading this by now because I've purposely put no punctuation in it and don't worry there are plenty more Love Islanders to come except that I haven't put much effort into their write-ups either because I don't know who most of them are and that's kind of why I was hoping that there'd be some write-ups submitted by more regular viewers PARKLIFE. |
wtf is a Kady and why has she beat Nancy
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Kady & Scott were tragic and probably why I stopped watching LI
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#68 http://imgur.com/6SPTb5D.png Points: 41 It’s a good thing that our next entrant has a post all to herself, because she doesn’t need to be carried, bro. Yes, it’s the woman who had Redditors and Jeff Probsts everywhere quaking in the boots because she – shock horror – managed to win Survivor without shouting about all the #BIGMOVES she made across the beach down a megaphone. What a simpler time May 2016 was. Michele, aka Winchele, aka Controverchele, aka Meeshfitz, aka the beauty bartender (despite being, like, a travel agent whilst on the show) soared her way through the game, not bothering to turn up to a single Tribal Council until after the merge, getting into alliances with almost everybody just in case, and being the only person to win two individual immunity challenges that season. She cut her best friend, she was so upset at losing a tribal reward challenge that she nearly walked into the sea, and she became the first ever winner of the advantage to vote out a juror. This latter #BIGMOVE is truly where Michele secured her win, as she proved Neal wrong by indeed being a bad-ass bitch at Final Tribal Council and got the votes of some of Aubry’s closest allies, which was ultimately enough to get her the crown and the million dollars. Nowadays, you’ll find her wearing glamorous red kaftans and going on expensive holidays, although not as regularly as you once might have done because she’s done locked her Twitter account. Kween of privacy! |
#67 http://imgur.com/7JDhAlt.png Points: 42 Quote:
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Why did Reece do this
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=65 http://imgur.com/0KUuEsZ.png Points: 48 We all love a bit of Judge Rinder – I’m not sure which bit exactly (his enormously long hammer? Yes, that should do) – so his appearance on this year’s Strictly was bound to be legally blinding. Because he’s so bright. Like, y’know, a star. Oh, never mind. Making the leap from weekdays at 2pm to Saturdays at WheneverPM, and quite a leap it was (he was wearing sequins and everything), Robert Rinder (rhymes with Tinder) quickly stole the hearts of the nation. Quickly because all of the other gay favourites were either voted off in week two or ended up walking. In spite of the horrible handicap of having to make Duffy's "Mercy" danceable in the very first week, Mr. Rinder made it all the way to the top five of this year's Strictly Come Dancing and even defeated Ed Balls (Ed Balls) in a vote-off. He was criticised for his bizarre facial expressions by fellow gay Craig Revel Horwood, and the less said about the Flintstones costume the better, but surprised everyone considering his lack of dance training, so in a way, he finished third behind Ore and Claudia really. Wouldn't that have been a better final? ~ Shaun =65 http://imgur.com/04H5b5Y.png Points: 48 Good-looking alphas who turn out to be goofy, awkward, socially inept betas :love: Rohan’s Ausvivor journey was full of awkward highlights, from nearly tanking his and someone else’s game by not wearing tight enough shorts, to his attempt at social game being randomly going up to and yelling at his tribesmates, to throwing himself at the beach (???) in celebration of finding an immunity idol, to calling said idol “the thingo”, to eventually giving said idol to someone else and accidentally voting himself out, all whilst trying his hardest to prove that he isn’t a typical dumb male model. What an adorable doofus. Of course, Australian Survivor 2016 was the year of the women (three of them have qualified for this ranking, which is impressive for a show that barely anyone on this forum watched) so Rohan never really stood a chance, but we should be grateful for the lulz that he provided and for keeping this glorious reality TV archetype alive. And we should also be grateful for all his post-show publicity opportunities (which all seem to end up on MailOnline, get that white supremacist promo?), including pictures of him and Some Woman getting their PDA on at some posh dinner in which she looks very much into it and he looks like he wants to play Angry Birds instead, that time he randomly took all his clothes off at the beach in front of a bunch of horrified surfers and a conveniently-placed paparazzo. Slay a bit etc. |
Karthik :love:
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King Rinder :love:
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