And with that, it took me over a year to finish Fiji and only three days to finish China. :laugh: I think it's easy to tell which season I preferred and by how much. I was hooked from about ten minutes in to the first episode.

Final thoughts & cast ranking:

Season ranking (so far):

I caught the trailer for the next season and all I can say is, I am very skeptical.

OK, so I actually went into Micronesia with a pretty negative mindset. I don't usually enjoy new players mixing with returning players because I feel as though it doesn't allow me to fully appreciate individual gameplay. But I am glad that I had such low expectations because it was one of the most surprising and intriguing seasons I've seen so far. Even better than China which I didn't think would be possible - two enjoyable seasons back to back is rare to see.

Final thoughts & cast ranking:

Season ranking (so far):

https://i.imgur.com/9U6wvPi.png

Finished the pre-merge of UK1 and I'm actually enjoying it! I understand that it has a bad rep because it's very old school and has poor video quality but idk, I'm enjoying it honestly. I think you just have to know what you're getting into. It's VERY slow-paced and there's a lot about Survival but I don't think it's really boring? It's like an old school BBUK season honestly in terms of pacing and presentation. Thankfully this cast is pretty good and fun because they're making the season worth watching.

Helang was the tribe I liked more because they're the proto-Samburu :love: You have a young alliance of lazy brats Adrian and Charlotte and sick Uzma, the older people who work hard in Andy, James, Jayne, and JJ, and Simon kinda floated between the two groups. JJ was the tribe leader but she somehow got booted first from the tribe in a 4-4 tie, then 3-3 revote where two people switched their votes, and then a 4-2 revote, and then on her way out she told everyone that she knows EXACTLY who voted for her and then literally ran off set :joker: then we had Uzma get booted for being sick and weak, Jayne getting booted because she missed her son, and Adrian getting booted for being THE laziest human alive. He just laid around and did nothing and refused to eat any of the fish and rats and other animals they caught because he was grossed out by the gutting process and hated half of the animals anyway :joker: he also bragged about how his Saturday mornings consist of him calling his house from his mobile while he lays in bed hungover and asks his mom to bring him up breakfast, and then confidently asserted before his boot TC that he learned nothing about himself from the Survivor experience because it was exactly what he expected and he already knew himself well :love:

And then there's the whole Charlotte/Adrian affair...... alol. You don't see any of it explicitly stated on the show and apparently JJ was the one who firstly blew it all open when she was super bitter about her exit, but it's pretty obvious they had something going on. There was a lot of talk about Charlotte using her ~feminine ways~ to lure the guys into doing her bidding and Andy literally had a confessional in Adrian's boot episode where he was like "they lean a lot on each other for comfort and they spend an AWFUL lot of time with each other...... but that's all I'm gonna say on that matter." Charlotte herself is a lot of fun and kind of like the British Jenna Morasca? She gets a bunch of N SPV for being gobby and annoying and associating with the lazy people but then when you watch her interact even with the older tribemates you can see her charisma and likability.

I also think they missed an opportunity with Jayne's edit. We got a lot of N SPV about her being annoying as **** and constantly saying rude **** like telling Charlotte that there's no way her skin color is natural and constantly calling Charlotte an old woman and a dog (Jayne was 47 and Charlotte was 24 :joker:) and calling either her or Uzma ~Miss Blue Toenails~ or something but we don't actually see any of these moments which is a shame. Adrian also ****ing hated her guts too so I really wish we got to see more of her antics rather than just being told she's annoying.

As for Ular, I don't really care about them as much as people and I thought they were the boring tribe for a while but their strategy is actually really ahead of its time for 2001 and enjoyable to watch? You started with everyone loving Nick as the tribe leader and have him make a power alliance with Zoe, Mick, Pete, and Eve. They planned on targeting Jackie but then she and Richard were able to get Sarah, Zoe, and Eve to all vote with them and Nick ended up being the first boot despite being the tribe leader? :joker: Then they were kind of complacent for a while but then the next time they had to go to TC it was revealed that the new power alliance was Richard/Jackie and Sarah/Eve as two duos working together. HOWEVER, Eve and Sarah decided that Jackie was OUT of the alliance because they thought she hated them so they didn't trust her (which tbf Jackie did hate Sarah.) But then Richard was like "umm, **** that" and Zoe knew she was in danger so she talk to Jackie and then the rest of the tribe came together to blindside Eve and Sarah by taking Sarah out? They're two-for-two in toppling power alliances and that's really impressive for this era of gameplay.

After the Sarah boot, Eve was FURIOUS and confronted Jackie for lying to her (the same Jackie who she was ready to kick out of the alliance and vote off because "it's just a game.") This led to a bunch of confessionals about how Eve HATES Richard and Jackie and she has nothing nice to say to them and Zoe is an ACTRESS but it's okay because she would rather go home poor and happy and a good person than win the money by being a complete bastard :joker: she's suuuuuch an awful gremlin but it's ****ing hysterical.

I'm ready for the merge!

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A few episodes into the merge of UK1 and I'm still enjoying it quite a bit. The merge projects as a bit anticlimactic since Ular goes in with a 6-4 advantage over Helang, and these last few episodes have been predictable, but it's still not boring. The merge episode was saved by an epic endurance challenge that went on for nearly 23 hours (!!!) and even though it wasn't super exciting all the time, the novelty definitely made it worthwhile viewing. The Andy boot was a bit of a boring episode but there were still two good things going for it: 1) Charlotte and Eve's feud over petty **** like food rations and how the rice is cooked :joker::love:, and 2) Pete breaking out of his UTR edit and turning into the guy with morals who loves Jesus and can't handle having to vote people out who Deserve to still be in. He's not really telegenic enough to make the role work in a way that's really dynamic, but it is a much needed development to Ular's Pagonging of Helang. He's befriending Helang as they're on their way out the door and having a hard time getting rid of people like Simon and Andy because of how deserving they are of the win, and of course Ular is taking it as well as you would expect.

My real reason for writing an update though was the auction episode :love: there was an interesting twist where they had to do an archery contest to see how much money they would have to spend. I'm not sure if I would want this to take place every single time, but it was an interesting twist that I appreciated this one time. The actual events of the auction though... here we go:

-everyone apparently agreed after the archery contest that they would NOT outbid each other and then just share all the food with each other
-however, everyone's understanding of this was different: it seems that Charlotte and James assumed that people would hold onto the food and then divide it into equal eighths afterwards while people like Richard and other members of Ular assumed that they would enjoy some of the food for themselves before sharing the rest
-Richard wins a pizza and immediately eats a good size portion to himself before sharing it with the rest of the tribe (but apparently not everyone else?)
-Eve wins a burger, fries, and a bottle of tomato ketchup that I understand becomes VERY plot relevant in ~3 episodes
-Zoe wins two bars of chocolate and according to Charlotte, who LOVES chocolate and has not shut up about it all season, she did not split the chocolate evenly
-James is NOT happy with Ular's behavior in the auction and decides to outbid them on another burger and fries
-Since James's burger and fries does NOT come with tomato ketchup, the host encourages him to find the bottle. Apparently this leads to him using a third of Eve's bottle without asking her, and then she had to tell him to stop because they need the tomato ketchup to last them two more weeks (?!)
-the auction ends and they go back to camp, segregate as Ular and Helang, and just start bitching about each other nonstop :joker: they eventually reunite as one tribe and Charlotte and James decide to instigate a small fight with the rest of Ular and then taunts them by reminding them that they WILL be deciding the winner of the season

For a season that was filmed in 2001 I was very impressed! This season basically tries to be a carbon copy of Borneo 65% of the time and even copies exact challenges from the original season, but Borneo didn't even do an auction so the forward thinking is appreciated. Additionally, I love me a season where a bunch of petty people have pointless feuds with each other over stupid **** (one of the reasons why I'm one of the forum's biggest supports of SA: Malaysia) so this was right up my alley. I get the complaints about this season being OLD and in poor video quality, but this cast bounces well off of each other and the strategy actually is very progressive for a season that aired in 2001. Someone once said this is basically an old school BBUK season on an island and that's probably the best compliment this season could receive.

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Nearing the end of UK1 and it's picking up steam again! We left off with Charlotte being the lone Helang left against six Ular and by all means she should be the next boot. However, everyone is getting sick to death of Pete. They're annoyed that he buddied up with Andy and James as they were on their way out, that he complains nonstop about being hungry and starving, and that he's too hungry and lazy to even go out on the raft and fish or serve himself food. He wins a feast for reward and somehow connects it to his prayers being answered and a Bible verse on the shirt Andy wore to Tribal as a juror and he breaks down crying. It was a bizarre moment. But then as soon as he loses the Immunity Challenge everyone more or less agrees to spare Charlotte and vote out Pete because he's grating on them and they're afraid he might go on an Immunity spree! Richard feels some remorse since he promised Pete he would warn him if he was getting voted out, and then he does. Pete is upset but tells Charlotte that she's staying but warns her to not ruin it by speaking up. Pete gets voted out and tosses his Bible at Ricard in what I think was an attempt at acting? I don't know, it was kind of a boring episode but the events were interesting because Charlotte got spared.

Then we get to the F6 episode and everyone is just DOGPILING on Jackie for being a moron who doesn't know how to play the game and being someone they can barely tolerate. Meanwhile Jackie has these hilarious confessionals that are like "yeah I'm getting on with Charlotte right now because no one else is even talking to me :) I guess I'm being too devious for them" and she's so aware but soooo unaware at the same time. Everyone seems resigned to targeting Charlotte and Jackie next, but Richard, Jackie, and Charlotte all realize how arrogant Zoe is being and Richard talks about how people are dumb for dismissing Jackie and Charlotte. Richard then wins Reward but gives it to Charlotte, and then strikes an alliance with her and Jackie. People think it's going to be a 4-2 or a 5-1 vote but it ends up being a 3-3 tie between Zoe and Charlotte and Zoe goes home on vote countback. Charlotte survives again!

And then we get to the F5 episode and Eve responds to being blindsided as graciously as you would expect her to, meaning that she apparently gets in a nasty fight with Jackie off-camera. I could go on and on about how incredible the following series of events are but I'm just going to just list off everything that happened:

-Mick lets everyone know that Eve is hiding the bottle of tomato ketchup that she won at the auction like 10 days earlier
-The Immunity Challenge is Hands on Hard Idol and Eve immediately starts by asking Charlotte pointed questions like why she talks so loudly and why she wears two bras
-Charlotte gets her period and Richard and Jackie want to let her step down for a minute or two to sort herself out. Eve proudly says that she does NOT agree with this because it wouldn't be fair, since nobody would let her step down if she had to take a ****
-Eve ultimately loses to Richard after 14 hours
-The next day Eve knows that she's going home and decides to pack her bag with things she wants to bring home
-Everyone else quickly realizes that the things she want to bring home include all of the tampons and one of the four ponchos they have. They also find the bottle of tomato ketchup underneath the floorboard of the shelter near her bag. Richard proceeds to cut up the poncho with a knife
-Eve returns to camp, thanks Jackie for searching through her bag AGAIN, sneaks off into the jungle and chugs the entire bottle of tomato ketchup
-After spending the day sitting around and bitching about Eve being inhumane, cruel, nasty, and calling her names such as Nasty Eve and Madam Mim, everyone gives TCQ answers about how they can't believe she was so horrible during the Immunity Challenge. Eve naturally responds by defending her words and choices and proudly states that she has no regrets before being voted out unanimously <3

I'll just let it speak for itself. An incredible sequence of events that feels straight from a fan fiction. Eve's boot episode performance is all time and Charlotte's cockroach journey just gets better and better. I'll give a final update when I finish the last two episodes!

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Finished UK1 this morning and enjoyed it! It was a bit slow and dated at times but I'm sad it's over and I thought the ending was really strong. Picking up where I last left off, the F4 round wasn't anything special since it was a generic Mick boot, but the F3 round was actually really interesting with how easily Charlotte was able to dismantle the Richard/Jackie alliance. For the record, Richard and Jackie were tight allies since the first episode and surely had a F2 agreement, and they picked up Charlotte was their #3 around the F6. Once it was down to the three of them, Charlotte realized that Richard was a shoe-in for the win so she told Jackie that she knew about Pete's blindside ahead of time because he told her that Richard broke the news to him. This pissed Jackie off and she agreed to take Charlotte to the final two, and we had a bunch of ominous scenes of them comparing notes and solidifying Richard was third place all while he was blissfully unaware. He came back to camp and Jackie continued to ask him questions about Pete and Richard continued to pretend that Pete was mad at him for blindsiding him, unaware that Jackie knew what was up. I found Charlotte's move really impressive and way ahead of its time for 2001. It ultimately didn't end up mattering since Charlotte won the final IC, but it was still impressive that she covered her bases.

The finale was REALLY drawn out but I still really enjoyed the narrative of the Charlotte vs. Jackie showdown. Charlotte's unanimous (!) victory is legitimately incredible considering how much of an underdog she was, and she really has a lovable charm to her despite being a gobby cow :love: Jackie on the other hand...... alol what a disastrous FTC performance :love: some of the highlights include:

-James asking her what she learned from the other players and Jackie saying she learned nothing because everyone was playing a game so she doesn't actually really know anyone
-Pete asking what moves they made to compromise their morals and if it was worth it and Jackie simply responding "I backstabbed you and yeah it was worth a million pounds :pipe: "
-Eve asking Jackie why she thinks she hates her so much and Jackie being like "umm because the host asked me if I was surprised by your aggression." Then Eve asked if Jackie thought that's who she really was or if she was playing a role for the game and Jackie was like "I think that's possibly just how you are Eve :eyes: "
-Mick pointing out that everyone thought Jackie sucked at challenges and Jackie responding that Mick brags about his orienteering skills but she kicked his ass in the orienteering IC despite having never read a compass before
-Richard asking both Jackie and Charlotte if they think they can still get his vote after they stigmatized people with mental illness and Jackie responding "I think you would probably overlook anything I said because you've said things about people as well so surely you can't condemn others :) "
-Jackie using her closing statement be like "oh James I think I understand your question now, I just want to say that Charlotte taught me how to be resilient :) " and getting mad at Richard for calling her a sparrow who flew under the wing of the eagle

I don't know, Jackie's whole character really came together for me with how hapless and poor her FTC performance was, especially after she was dogpiled against for basically the entire merge phase of the game. But even so, Charlotte is absolutely the correct winner from a narrative standpoint. She's funny, charming, endearing, surprisingly witty, and as James said in his voting confessional this really was HER journey. I still can't believe that a winner like her who played the game like her exists, but I'm not mad about it at all. One of my favorite winners from any franchise.

Other random highlights from the finale and other stuff include JJ saying that this was really survival of the weakest and we should look in reverse boot order if we want to find the TRUE Survivor, the reunion host explicitly bringing up Charlotte the Harlot and asking her about it and Charlotte just being like "yeah it will probably be Scarlet Charlotte after this :pipe: ," and the post-show news I recently learned that apparently at the wrap party Adrian hooked up with Charlotte's younger sister (!) in a handicapped toilet stall (!!!) :joker: I have no words.

So yeah, I would definitely recommend this season to most people! If you are able to handle an old school Survivor season or an old school Big Brother UK season then you will definitely enjoy this. Yes the production value is low and the video quality is terrible and the pacing is a bit slow and boring at times, but the cast meshes together really well and the conflict is entirely from a human level while the strategy manages to be somewhat ahead of its time for 2001. Definitely a season that is WAY better than its reputation.

I'll do a cast ranking either today or tomorrow, we'll see. I also think that my next season I'll watch might be NZ1 :o

WHOOPS I never did my UK1 cast ranking so I'll do that to end 2021 :)

1. Charlotte (absolutely one of my favorite winners of anything. She's loud, gobby, annoying, selfish, and an adulterer, but she's also surprisingly witty, charismatic, personable, rootable, and the ultimate underdog. James said it best in his jury vote that this season was HER journey and her entire narrative is so satisfying. She's in the minority on Helang, she's primed to be picked off at the merge in a 6-4 Pagonging, but then she goes from being the only Helang left against six Ular to cockroaching her way to the end and winning UNANIMOUSLY?! It's complete fan fiction but one of the best narratives in any Survivor season honestly. It's an absolute shame she doesn't get more credit since nobody's really seen her season, but she's an all-time character and actually not a half bad player either?)
2. Eve (lmaooooo one of the most self-righteous and awful cows ever but in the best way possible <3 She found herself in the power seat on Ular and was SO SMUG about kicking Jackie out of the alliance, but then when Jackie blindsided her by taking out Eve's top ally Sarah, Eve lashed the **** out at how Jackie and Ricard are AWFUL PEOPLE and she's okay with losing the game now because at least she'll have her morals and will still be a good person! Eve then entered the merge with the numbers and was awful to the people she viewed as beneath her like Charlotte (for not being on Ular) and Jackie (for being the island's punching bag <3), and then when Charlotte and Jackie teamed up with Ricard to blindside Eve's then top ally Zoe, Eve took her revenge tour to the next level by REFUSING to let Charlotte take care of her period during an endurance challenge, trying to smuggle all of the tribe's tampons and ponchos with her before her inevitable boot, and then running into the jungle and chugging a bottle of tomato ketchup :joker::joker::joker: hilariously evil with absolutely no self-awareness in the best way possible)
3. Richard (not sure if this controversial but I really liked him? He was very forward-thinking about Playing The Game and was absolutely ahead of his time in terms of viewing Survivor as a strategic competition. This sounds like it could be awful, but it really wasn't. The show needed a presence like Richard in order to be successful and he was up to the task. He was able to articulate his strategy well in confessionals and his strategy always resulted in good TV? He helped flip the vote on Nick in the premiere, was key in flipping the vote on Sarah in episode 4, was instrumental in the Pete blindside in episode 10, completely spearheaded the Zoe blindside in episode 11, and all of his scheming came back to bite him when Charlotte iced him out in the finale. Four of the F5 are in the top four of my cast ranking, and Ricard deserves all the credit for getting them to the endgame)
4. Jackie (lmaoooooo such a MORN punching bag for everyone around her but she played her role well! She was almost the first boot until Richard came and saved her ass, and then Eve and Sarah tried to KICK HER OUT OF THE ALLIANCE in episode 4 and Richard came and saved her ass once again. This led to Eve lashing out at Jackie after the Sarah boot and Jackie just kinda smirking and laughing in her face <3 Jackie then kinda went UTR in the early merge until like F7 or F6 when everyone just decided to dogpile on Jackie and bitched about her being worthless and dumb and even having NO SELF-WORTH for being friends with Charlotte :joker: this was coupled with Jackie having oblivious confessionals about how she's friends with Charlotte since she's the only person who will talk to her lmaooooo this somehow led to Charlotte and Jackie bumbling their way into the final two and Jackie giving one of the worst FTC performances of all time as people kept making digs at her in their questions and she handled them all terribly :joker: naturally this led to Jackie losing unanimously to someone who was about to be Pagonged as;ldfkjasskl;dfajs her patheticness really didn't click for me much until the endgame but then it all came together sooooo well)
5. Andy (he was good! He ended up being the true tribe leader of Helang and he played the hero role well. He didn't really have a lot of specific moments, but he was definitely the best fit for being the tribe leader of Helang and he was a rootable underdog. They kept losing tribal ICs no matter what he tried to do, and then he won the first individual IC by standing on the plank for 23 hours and it was undeniably epic. This naturally led to get him getting taken out in the next episode, but he was a good first Juror and his Bible verse shirts were a fun motif to look out for. I don't really have a lot to say about him but he was definitely an important character and probably The Fan Favorite and honestly he kinda deserved it? His speedos were also A Look tbh)
6. JJ (alollllll she was absolutely primed to be A Main Character and if I was unspoiled probably would've been my winner pick after the premiere? She was awkwardly trying to find her place in the tribe as she watched them make terrible decisions with building the shelter, and then she finally mustered up the courage to speak up and became the tribe leader! JJ took this title to heart and screamed at everyone for making a mess around camp and not knowing where to put the knives and pots and other cooking utensils when they weren't being used :joker: this led to her being BLINDSIDED in a 4-4, 3-3, 3-3, 4-2 vote (yes, they had to do three different tiebreaker votes apparently) and then storming off the TC set while ominously stating that she knows EXACTLY who voted for her. As the show aired, she sold stories to the press about Charlotte giving Adrian a blowjob back at camp and being APPALLED by their behavior, and then proudly stated at the finale that The Real Winner should be chosen by looking at a reverse boot order since this show was really survival of the weakest)
7. Adrian (mainly remembered as the person Charlotte cheated on her husband with but he was pretty great in his own right? Was sooooooo lazy and the perfect MORN presence as he would just lay around the shelter and complain about how he doesn't want anything to do with eating rats and fish and anything living since it's gross and he just wants a burger from McDonald's <3 he would also infuriate Jayne and Andy and James by bragging about how he'll call his mother on his mobile from upstairs while laying in bed asking her to serve him breakfast since he's hungover, and he also did **** all in the distress signal challenge and just hung out in the shelter while everyone else did all the work <3)
8. James (not a primary character but a good MORM presence on Helang as they got Pagonged. Highlight was probably when he got their tribe DQed in one of the ICs and he completely lashed out at the host at TC and told him to stop asking him stupid questions :joker: it was bizarre and the host clearly had no clue how to react but James kinda owned him alol)
9. Uzma (alol random pathetic girl who got sick on like Day 4 and became immediately useless <3 she and Charlotte were fun BFFs but I think she was the only person who tolerated her? Even Adrian was like "yeah I'm actually glad Uzma's gone she was annoying xx" as soon as she left :joker:)
10. Jayne (older woman who apparently was VERY abrasive to people and was hated by most of the tribe for just saying rude **** to people out of nowhere :joker: a lot of it was told to us through confessionals rather than shown to us, so it didn't really stick the way it could have, but if she got a better edit I'm convinced she would've been a star)
11. Mick (UTRfun oldie who smuggled sausages in his asshole onto the island?! I feel like I could've given him a better writeup if I didn't wait a few months until I finished the season to do this, but unfortunately I don't remember much. I think he was randomly a threat to win if he made it to the end? Oh well)
12. Pete (plays a VERY important role this season as The Religious Guy With Morals who ends up befriending all of Helang as they get Pagonged throughout the merge. He also has a very hard time with the hunger and becomes a lazy lump around camp. These two things end up pissing off the entire Ular tribe and they immediately decide to blindside him as soon as he loses Immunity <3 he's not really telegenic enough to make it work since he's a monotone mumbler without much of a dynamic personality, BUT he really was the one who kickstarted Charlotte's winning journey so thank you!)
13. Simon (he was the middle person on Helang between the older people and the younger people, so he was the swing vote for the Jayne boot and the Adrian boot. I didn't really care about him though since he wasn't very telegenic. Props for lasting like 21 hours in the merge IC though!)
14. Zoe (I feel like most people who watch UK1 end up really liking Zoe but she did nothing for me, sorry! Her sense of humor was very much what you would expect from a comedian, and that is NOT a compliment. She was just kinda there as an Ular number and then got blindsided and spawned Eve's amazing boot episode <3)
15. Nick (he served his purpose! He was some military guy who talked about reading How to Win Friends and Influence People and absolutely would've been set up to be an endgame character on any other season of Survivor. However, on UK1 he became a slightly overbearing tribe leader who had people turn on him a blindside *in episode 1* so alol. I don't even think he was bad, but he only lasted one episode so yeah)
16. Sarah (I guess she's last? She was barely on the show and only served as Eve's right hand man who got blindsided in epic fashion. And she like spilled some of the food once or something? IDK)

Great season! Would recommend etc.

This poor forum is so beyond dead that nobody even makes threads for the new seasons anymore </3 But have no fear, I'll still post my thoughts since I can easily find them here if I ever need to reference them!

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Good season! I feel like it peaked a little early for my liking and it's not an all-time favorite of mine, but it's probably about as good as modern Survivor can be? Soooooooo much better than most seasons in the 30s, easily my favorite since DvG if not KR. This was a pretty good cast that bounced off of each other REALLY well and it led to a lot of good and fun moments. Of course we're still bogged down a bit by the machinations of modern Survivor but hey, it is what it is at this point I guess.

1. Lindsay (maybe recency bias but once she was finally featured she was just soooooo good and exactly what we needed. A foil to Jonathan and the patriarchy, a legitimate beast of a competitor who gave Jonathan a run for his money in many of the Challenges, an engaging narrator who gave good confessionals, and someone whose charisma was clearly shown in the episodes. I don't know, it's hard to describe the Lindsay thing because she's more of a vibe than someone with actual moments, but she's just a really cool chick who took me by surprise considering how underedited she was in the premerge. Easily the breakout star of the merge)
2. Tori (peaked a little early for me but omg her premiere performance was one of my favorites in a looooooong time. A strategic confessional about how she'll use her nerdiness to make connections and bonds with her tribemates immediately followed by her singing Ancient Voices and making a muggle alliance with Swati and Zach that lasted exactly one episode because she went looking for food/an Idol :joker: other highlights include flipping the script in Swati in the most hilarious fashion in Swati's boot episode and her standoff with Rocksroy trying to figure out what happens on the Journey. Sadly Tori fell a liiiiiittle flat once the merge hit and she became an MOR townsperson, and her views on the COVID vaccine are... problematic to say the least, but she's still an inspired casting choice who really had one of the best premerge performances in recent memory)
3. Maryanne (LOVE that she won and is one of the best winners in a loooooong time. A shrieking OTTP chatterbox who people largely tolerated for the entire premerge somehow cockroaching her way into the endgame, pulling THE move of the season, and then having a great FTC performance and winning nearly unanimously? :love: sounds like a CTS fan fiction but somehow the reality of season 42 :love: I do wish that her post-merge edit was a liiiiittle less sanitized tbh, it was a bit too safe for my liking)
4. Rocksroy (lmao the way he got a somewhat P-toned intro package as a stay-at-home dad only for him to be an old school OTTN grump who cared about **** like camp life more than the actual game :joker::love: I'd have him even higher up if he wasn't invisible in a third of his episodes but he really had some great content in the episodes he was featured in)
5. Mike (a little much but I liked him most of the time! Definitely A Good Human but kinda flawed as a player, as he was a bit self-righteous and you could tell that he genuinely thought he was a good guy who had reasons to break his word with like everyone lol. It was a liiiiittle grating at times but it was largely fascinating and he definitely is a great person with a big heart so I have more patience for him than I normally would)
6. Chanelle (random MORN presence who was never included in any alliances once the tribes merged :love: she'd just walk up to groups of people strategizing on the beach and they'd change the subject and scatter like cockroaches :joker: sadly I think I like the idea of Chanelle more than the execution of her. I think it was really just the fake merge and the Jenny boot that I really cared about her, but those two episodes were fantastic showings. I can't believe I almost forgot to mention her performance in the Jenny boot where she outlined in a confessional exactly why she should protect her vote, only to risk it and expose herself and get one of her top allies booted for no ****ing reason :joker::joker::joker:)
7. Drea (really just a CP gamebot who hoarded a bunch of advantages BUT her monotone confessionals coupled with bizarre cackles were a fun motif. Had a few other fun moments like her red-handed advantage find and her performance at the Tori boot TC, but her own boot was really what sealed the deal for me. She had a lot of fun and it was infectious even to Probst, and it was a really touching end to her time on the show. After that sendoff I can definitely see her returning)
8. Daniel (lmaooooooo lol fail. I don't really like him too much but god what a hilarious arc. OTTP winner threat in the first two episodes who royally ****s it up and then is the tribe punching bag for the next three episodes :love: I could see him rising upon rewatch with the knowledge of how it all ends, even just writing this out had me bump him up because I initially had him below Lydia and Jenny :joker:)
9. Romeo (served as a good foil to Hai but I really didn't care about him lol. His CP-->UTRN morph was a bizarre one that was funny on paper but like... sorry, it's just Romeo so I can only care so much. I'd be tempted to make some joke about his pageant coaching and all his talk about getting the Survivor sash and the tiara and wearing the prettiest dress, but I find Romeo to be pretty devoid of charisma so I'm done talking about him!)
10. Omar (a kinda generic CP gamebot who I'm relieved didn't win. He wasn't the most boring person in the world, but he wasn't super exciting either. He had some confessionals that were amusing and gave me a good laugh, but he also had other moments that kinda made me roll my eyes and get annoyed a little bit. I don't know, I'm sure Reddit has a lot more to say about him but he doesn't appeal to The Gay Viewer In Me so that's all I got)
11. Lydia (somewhat painfully UTR on the show and probably the most irrelevant person To Me but outside the show she's apparently really ****ing funny??? what a shame)
12. Jenny (I had my hopes after she handled the triangle puzzle in the premiere but sorry that was her peak :( easily forgotten once she was voted off but holy **** the circumstances of her boot are AWFUL and total bull**** lmao)
13. Zach (vaguely annoying but worked as an early boot? Certainly could've become awful if he lasted longer but his short-lived muggle alliance with Swati and Tori was a highlight of the premiere)
14. Swati (boring and not particularly likable considering that her idol is Elon Musk and she kiiinda served as propaganda for the US Army buuuuuuut her boot episode was a hilarious downfall with her copy/pasting ORG PMs to everyone in her tribe and getting owned by Tori of all people)
15. Marya (I guess her story about her brother is touching but she is largely forgettable sorry!)
16. Jackson (I don't even know what to say because his entire existence feels like a fever dream??? what an enigma)
17. Jonathan (could go in yellow but ehhhh he's here. If I did orange he'd be a prime candidate for it. Started off as good and fun and a tribe hero with challenge prowess that only Ozzy can parallel, but then once the merge hit he just became hangry and somewhat misogynistic and had a realllllllly bad showing at the Tori boot TC wrt implicit racial bias. His OTTP-->MORN morph is an interesting one on paper but I could totally do without seeing him again, especially as the casuals ate him up just because he was an exceptionally good swimmer. No thank you.)
18. Hai (smarmy annoying gay who insisted upon himself and the great game that he was playing except that he was playing a terrible one? Pathetically blindsided by a nearly unanimous vote too which like... lol. If he wasn't last already, his incorrect use of the word gaslighting would've dropped him to here automatically)

Only took me nine months but I finished NZ1 last night!

https://i.imgur.com/f7wKBvB.png

I know that its reputation is that its one of the worst seasons ever but I don't think it's THAT bad really? There is a passable season hidden deep down in there somewhere, but there are a lot of formatting and structural issues holding it back. Redemption Island is a lame inclusion, but the pacing is really SO bad. Each cycle consists of two episodes, one of which ends in a TC and the other ends in a RI Duel. However, the TC boot episodes are standard 42-43 minute length while the RI Duel episodes are 65-67 minute length?! It makes no sense and it makes the season move REALLY slow at times. And then I don't understand why they randomly switched from two-person Duels to three-person ~Battles~ halfway through the merge, and I *really* don't understand why they went down to a F3 and then brought two people back from RI. That being said, I think the cast wasn't terrible and the events that happened were actually moderately entertaining so I really didn't hate this season at all. I think it actually could be a goodish season if it was scaled down to traditional US length and runtime actually!

1. Barb (I said NZ1 really has a good season hidden deep down inside somewhere and Barb alone made it worth the price of admission for me. Her journey is A+ and one of the best ever for me, and she's probably one of my fave people all time now. She starts off on the outs of Hermosa and is just waiting to get picked off by the young pretty people and is giving confessionals about how the game isn't fun and she just wants to go home because it's lame, and then she finds herself in a great tribe swap and immediately takes back everything she said because now she's having fun playing Survivor lmaoooo once the merge hit Barb was just this bizarre paradox where everyone bashed her for doing nothing and being a waste of space and yet she was somehow in control and ruled the tribe with an iron first??? She was the permanent lynchpin swing vote and just reclined in the hammock like a mafia boss as everyone came up to her and she just held court about who they should vote out and why, and then everyone walked away in horror unable to comprehend how Barb of all people was running the show. The peak of Barb's power trip was where she randomly turned the tables on Sala just because she wanted to break up his trio with Avi and Shay and it basically led to the entire tribe melting down over how they can't stop her from having all the power and control lmaooooo eventually she decided that she was playing for Avi and Tom to make it to the end and for Avi to win, and whenever anyone tried to strategize with her she just laughed in their faces and told them she didn't care what they had to say. This led to Mike telling her that she'll end the game on an embarrassing note if she goes to the end with Avi and Tom because she hasn't done anything, and then Barb clapped back about how he's just as rude as he was at Hermosa and how she obviously had to do something right if she's been the swing vote like every round. Mike was so taken aback he timidly apologized to Barb for offending her <3 Ultimately this led to Barb making the FTC where she gave an opening statement about how she knows she played a great game and she's a role model to older women everywhere and she doesn't need the jury's approval or votes to win because she was playing FOR HERSELF and that mattes more than anything they have to say, and then each juror one by one ripped her apart for being incredibly hard to live with and play the game with as Barb just laughed in their faces. A truly glorious journey and one for the ages)
2. Jak (a class clown act that actually worked? I don't know, Jak seems like someone I shouldn't like but he was one of the only sources of comic relief and he was ACTUALLY funny so I couldn't help but stan. His humor was so stupid and childish but his delivery was always great. He was one of the only ones out there having fun and it made him one of the only fun ones to watch. Highlights are wearing a loincloth to his boot TC and throwing that one IC by spelling tight ass in the word scramble because he was so bored waiting for Barb and Shannon to finally figure out the correct phrase alol)
3. Tom (I feel like I'm the only Tom fan out there but he really worked for me? I just really dug his cockroach journey all throughout the first half of the game where he was the alt boot option like nearly every round because Shay randomly decided she hated his ****ing guts. I also liked his relationship with Avi tbh, where they were close allies at the start and then they grew apart and were on opposite sides for a while but then linked back together even though there was always a slight element of wariness and distrust there. I don't know, I probably sound like a Redditor saying that but it was much more compelling than the Adam/Jay **** from MvGX that they still gush over. Tom was just fun to me and I wish he beat Avi and won!)
4. Shay (I didn't like her that much at first but she's such an enigma that I can't help but like her a lot? Literally nothing about her makes sense. She screams CPN calculating villain but she's also a devout Mormon whose luxury item was her Bible scriptures with all the notes she's taken in them since she was like sixteen. Her biggest storyline was that she HATED Tom and was foaming at the mouth to get him out literally since Day 1, but then she instead backstabbed a bunch of her close allies like Hannah and Tony for no discernible reason <3 I think her peak Tom hate was when she saw Tom whispering with Nate about nothing in particular but she decided to go and tell Avi that Tom was plotting to backstab him when that was not the case whatsoever lmaooooooo after Avi confronted Tom and got the truth there was this really ominous scene where the camera just panned on a spider catching a bug in its web and eating it while we get the audio of Avi sternly lecturing Shay for like 90 seconds straight about how she needs to control her paranoia and stop making up lies for no reason. It was seriously A+ editing and one of the moments that really held up and demonstrated this show's potential)
5. Dee (alolllll what an experience. She answered a question at the marooning about how she could see herself being seen as the villain or whatever, and that kinda freaked out Hermosa along with her general manic energy so she was the first boot from their tribe. Then she lost the Duel against Hannah and went on some big speech about how nobody knows she's actually a SUPERFAN and Survivor is her LIFE because she's watched every season and listens to 40 hours of podcasts a week and follows all the blogs. And then there was just a ridiculously awkward silence while everyone was like "..." and then she left and apparently professed her hate of the show and the never showed up to the reunion. One of the best first boots in a while tbh)
6. Izzy (alollllllllllll who is this chick? She stole a bunch of supplies from the other tribe during the marooning Reward Challenge and was unapologetic about it, then she randomly became apologetic about it and tried to give them back a machete because she felt bad??? So naturally she pissed off like literally every other player within the opening minutes of the game <3 Then she got sick on like Day 2 right after Hannah was voted off and left the rest of Mogoton in deep regret that they didn't just vote Izzy out instead lmaoooooooo. It was one of the best opening episodes of all time! But that was kinda her peak sadly :( she cockroached for a little bit longer and I remember it was fun when Avi told her he was voting her out and she was like "but that doesn't make sense because you were weaker than me in today's Challenge xx" and that was funny too)
7. Shannon (I think she's kind of boring as a human but she was thrust into a really good story from a narrative perspective so that was fun. She was the swing vote at Hermosa between the pretty people of the Tight Five and the oldies in Barb and Nate, she swapped tribes and was on the outs but hustled her way into getting good with the people from Mogoton, then the tribes merged and she flipped to Mogoton and voted out her old Tight Five alliance, then she randomly became part of the Sala blindside, everyone who was voted out HATED her and ripped her new ones at Redemption Island, Shannon hysterically sobbed about how the game is turning her into a bad person and she's afraid of letting everyone down, and then she decided she was DONE playing such a mercenary game and was immediately voted out </3 a tragic story that surely would've earned her a returning player spot if this show didn't get cancelled but alas)
8. Tony (crochety old ex-military grump <3 he was just so funny to me, like he came on so strong about trying to set up camp, he called people by their full names like SHAYNA and ISABEL, he cried real tears after he realized that they made a mistake voting out Hannah instead of Izzy, and then Shay backstabbed him and he waxed poetic at Redemption Island for three straight episodes about how she's a disloyal wench who backstabbed him and therefore she should NEVER be trusted by anyone ever again. Everything he said was quotably hilarious and his accent added even more humor to it, I wish he lasted longer)
9. Nate (kind of a boring human being and certainly got boring by the end but I actually liked him early on? He was a fun Barb buddy who was also on the outs of Hermosa until the tribe swap and then rose to power. Someone told me that apparently he was suuuuuper mean to the younger people at Hermosa but it didn't make the edit and that makes me like him more but I wish we could've seen it lmao)
10. Hannah (The Big Girl...... gets voted out immediately because everyone thought she was weak lmao poor thing. I felt bad for her because she was actually strong and a powerlifter but the rest of the tribe was terrible about her and was worried that she'd slow them down in Challenges. Then she shocked everyone by winning the first RI Duel and left Mogoton near tears about how they made the wrong decision and should've voted off Izzy instead lmaooooo but yeah Hannah really peaked in the first episode and then I didn't care about her sorry!)
11. Avi (I don't dislike him necessarily but eh. His whole shtick was being The Nice Guy and it was kinda boring because I don't know if he was really that "nice"? It was a lot of telling and not showing, and we actually saw a few moments of his mask slipping like when he acknowledged that Hannah was physically strong but he was worried she would slow them down in Challenges because she was a bigger girl, and the hilariously self-righteous temper tantrum he threw after the Sala boot where he mocked Shannon wanting to win so she can go on a vacation to Rarotonga while he wants to use the money to help his students!!!!!!!!! He objectively played a good game because everyone ****ing loved him and worshipped the ground he walked on, but ehhh he wasn't all that nice to me!)
12. Sala (I feel like I liked him at the time but in hindsight he kinda drops for me and I liked a lot of other people more? I guess he was kinda like the NZ equivalent of Rupert since he was this OTTP Nice Family Guy who was all about honor and integrity and loving his family and BEING KIND which really isn't riveting television. His boot, however, was ****ing hysterical because Barb randomly sniped him while lounging in the hammock and the fallout was easily the best episode of the season, with Barb being self-impressed with he reign of terror, Avi melting down over being left out of the vote, and Shannon melting THE **** down over becoming a hated force in the game. But by the FTC Sala's nice guy act ABSOLUTELY fell through as he eviscerated Barb in his question and called her extremely disrespectful. And then in the reunion it was revealed that the worst of Sala's question was edited out because he apparently told Barb that she was like a turd in the toilet that wouldn't flush? So much for Mister Nice Guy!)
13. Mike (he was the CPN leader of the Tight Five, which was basically the pretty people's alliance on Hermosa, but he excluded the two older people so they flipped on him once the merge hit. Mike then proceeded to spend like 17 days or something absurd on Redemption Island, Challenge beasted his way back into the game, and then was immediately booted alol. I didn't start to like him until the end when it was actually impressive that he won his way back into the game, AND at his hilarious campaigning. He tried to tell Barb that she wasn't gonna win if she went to the final three with and Tom and she was just like "yeah I know and I don't care xx," and then when Mike tried to bring it up again at TC she completely eviscerated his ass and made him timidly apologize for offending her lmaooooooooo)
14. Lou (she was an 18 year old farm girl and her entire presence was being a strong girl from a farm who was only 18! And then she cut her foot on a rock and got such a bad infection that she almost died and got medevaced, which shouldn't have been a funny scene but the poor host clearly had no precedent for this type of situation and he looked so panicked at the show deviating from its script for once lmao)
15. Georgia (eh she was a kinda lame right hand man to Mike in the Tight Five pretty people's alliance and then she got swap****ed but it was kinda funny and karma. And then she was eulogized as One Of The Strongest Players but I don't know if she really was?)
16. Lee (who? Boring and very much about Honor and Integrity although his OTTN episode was fun where he just randomly decided to rebuild the entire shelter out of boredom while Nate was sleeping in said shelter)

That ended up being a lot longer than I had anticipated and I doubt anyone's going to willingly read anything about NZ1 anyway but here it is!

I never really posted anything about SA9: Return of the Outcasts so here we are even though the season ended months ago.

https://i.imgur.com/6uRfNIw.png

A very not good season! It had a promising start but it peaked WAY too early. Each phase of the game got progressively worse and those last eight episodes were a franchise low with awful pacing. Nonelimination episodes were a ****ing drag and should never happen again. The boot order was hilariously awful and from like... F15 to F7 the worst case scenario happened *literally* every single time. The F7 was fully composed of the people I was least excited to see return, and these people kept posturing about how they needed the winner to be DESERVING, which is especially rich when this season was basically JV All-Stars. This show should never do 24 episodes again if it wants to avoid being cancelled for the fourth (?!) time. Good job Shannon Guss!

1. Shona (alol she's just my type of person. Such an awkward little gremlin with such INTENSE but harmless energy and ends up being sooooo off-putting to her tribe <3 I was devastated when Pinty almost murdered her in an IC and she was able to not be medevaced but then still ended up getting voted out anyway. Not lost on me that the season quality went down significantly once she was booted!)
2. Tania (I feel like Tania was a little bit Too Much for me during Island of Secrets but god she was a perfect constellation of insanity this time around. The best parts of the season were the episodes where she had a random blood feud with Pinty and even though Tania will never, EVER go far in a game like Survivor, I am so glad she got brought back and maintained her same manic, intense energy this time around)
3. Toni (so even though I feel that, like the season as a whole, Toni peaked very early, her meltdown episodes after the PK boot were sooooooooo good. She really had the meltdown of all meltdowns and in a rare instance, it continued into the next day?! Forever thankful she unloaded her trauma onto an unconsenting Meryl and then randomly screamed at Dante when she thought he accused her husband of being a wifebeater?!?!)
4. Dante (speaking of... king? I was a little mixed on Dante in Island of Secrets but ended up loving him this time around even though he was fundamentally the same person. He learned nothing from his first season (<3) and once again was a CPN mob boss with a huge fixation on trying to get the eventual winner out. Since I ended up not liking Dino much at all, Dante this time was a righteous king who people should've listened to! I'm sure I'd appreciate him more if I went back and rewatched Island of Secrets but I also don't plan on doing that anytime soon)
5. Thoriso (going from maybe the worst Survivor player ever to being a randomly competent kinda threat? What a morph! It was fun to see her turn into an actual player, especially when she still had shades of The Old Thoriso like in episode 3 when she randomly lied about Tevin finding an Idol for no reason. Was sad to see her booted after the swap especially when she easily could've just voted for Felix and made it a 3-2-1 but it was an oddly fitting end to her arc)
6. Meryl (I remember liking Meryl but I don't remember much of why! She was just kind of a gamebot for a while but those last few episodes that started to foreshadow her downfall were funny? She had a fun little UTR feud with Marian for an episode or two and obviously I took Meryl's side so that was fun. I also remember being randomly DEVASTATED at her boot which is ****ing hilarious that Meryl of all people took all the entertainment with her but here we are)
7. Steffi (another one who I liked but I don't really have much to say about. She juts has an aura to her that draws you in and is fun to watch. She *usually* aligns with good people and was a fun Mama Bear to Killarney? And the way she speaks is sometimes funny. That's all I got though lol, I don't really remember many Steffi Moments this season)
8. Phil (he's annoying but it works? Somehow he was the last beacon of hope this season had but this season really improved my opinion on Phil. I found him to be kind of an annoying and forgettable tryhard in Champions but his manic energy kinda worked out here. His confessionals could be a little cringey and annoying at times but they were actually engaging, and his gameplay was messy enough at times to keep me entertained. He definitely had the biggest glo up of the season)
9. Killarney (poor girl, holy ****. She had THE most OTTPPPPPP prepackaged sob story with losing her partner and her mother to COVID like within a month of each other, and then she got *that* edit and it was so ****ing infuriating and insulting. She hardly given any confessionals and the edit constantly made fun of her with everyone calling her a goat and an undeserving winner and someone who had no clue what was going on, and the fact that this season had SUCH an extended runtime made her edit even more infuriating)
10. Palesa (shock? Sorry but even though I love Palesa as a human she was a rather boring player this season. Just a narrational gamebot who didn't really do anything so it was a big letdown from Philippines. Her boot was ****ing infuriating though where she was basically eliminated by default for not having a ~package~)
11. Pinty (lmao I couldn't stand Pinty in Immunity Island and I still kinda can't. She's an infuriating person to watch and I can only imagine how much worse it is to cohabit a shared space with her. However, she was just SO ****ing OTTN this season that it wrapped around to being hilarious some of the time? She's unapologetically bossy, selfish, argumentative, shortsighted, and narrowminded and that led to her having an insane blood feud with Tania which really was the peak of the season tbh? So I appreciate what she brought but I still didn't really like her lmao. Also the fact that she almost murdered Shona in that one IC actually is infuriating and makes her lose points in my mind tbh, like she was ridiculously dangerous for no reason)
12. PK (a disappointing showing as an inconsequential early boot. Gains a slight point or two for being staunch Toni ally and having that quick storyline about hooking up with Marian preshow and the fallout being messy?!?!?! Wish he would've won out over her though but alas)
13. Chappies (love him but he didn't stand a chance in this season with this cast returning so soon. Didn't really have any time to shine sadly)
14. Felix (I still don't really understand the FLEX nickname but it really stuck by the end of it. Umm.... Felix was fine? I preferred him to some of the other people in the endgame and he was like vaguely funny or amusing a few times but I don't remember any of them lmao. He was one of the bigger offenders of the GOATPLAY discourse but whatever, there were bigger fish for me to fry so he really didn't bother me that much)
15. Tejan (he was messy but it just kinda gave me secondhand embarrassment a lot of the time tbh. It was a bizarre morph to watch the CPN wannabe mastermind of Maldives turn into an awkward mess of a goat, but it wasn't even that interesting of a morph to me sorry! I feel like a lot of people liked him but his antics were just a little cringe to me)
16. Shane (I can't believe we're here since Shane was like a bottom 1 human for me after watching Champions but he SOMEHOW improved and became not terrible??? There were still occasional shades of The Old Shane jumping out but his FTC performance really humanized him for me and made me see him as someone who has matured and become less of a tryhard. I still don't understand how the runner-up and biggest villain of the franchise ended up getting a MORM2 edit but *I guess* it could've been much worse???)
17. Dino (as a human I don't really mind Dino at all but oh my GOD he was just too much this season. Just look at the end of his edgic strip and that will give you enough of a sense of what we were dealing with. Also loses a **** ton of points for winning JV All-Stars by pregaming the fuuuuuuuck out of this and coming in with a **** ton of protection and insulation. Also ALSO loses a **** ton of points for Shannon Guss's weird as HELL obsession with him which is extremely unprofessional for someone who is a production consultant and not just a fangirl?!?!?! Honestly Dino himself is just a bore but the discourse and now legacy (?!) around him is simply exhausting)
18. Seamus (his redemption storyline being setup in the premiere was cute but lmao he just became the exact same person he was in Philippines so he learned absolutely nothing <3 was a rather cocky CPN overlord who had a kinda humiliating and early boot but wasn't even fun in the process)
19. Tevin (lmfao I love how so many RHAP/Reddit neckbeards continue to proclaim Tevin as a ROBBED LEGEND and GREAT GAMEPLAYER when he's a two-time premerge boot who immediately gets pegged as a huge target whenever he plays <3 him and Seamus being the kingpins of their tribe to only be the first two non-Tania boots was hysterical and worth the price of admission)
20. Marian (was she as bad as she was in Champions? No. Do I like her though? Absolutely not! To her credit, Marian was humanized with her vitiligo storyline, which was nice to see after her ****ing horrendous showing in Champions. However, this time around Marian was arguably THE biggest offender with the constant rhetoric about goatplay and the season needing a deserving winner and blah blah BLAH. Ma'am, this is JV All-Stars. The real deserving players weren't even cast for the show because they didn't fit the theme! I think the biggest thing about Marian for me is that she's just loud and spews out the same talking points that don't even really make sense and yet the fandom at large buys into her bull****? The fact that people now think she's the best player to not win EVER is absolutely ****ing absurd to me, especially considering that this is the same franchise that has the likes of Werner and Ashley Hayden. It really doesn't make any sense to me at all and it's just infuriating the more I think about it)

https://i.imgur.com/EtQM8m4.png

This season... was not very good. Honestly some of the events that happened were okay but this cast was just not it. Only a few people popped, there was very little characterization, we were told about so many important relationships rather than being shown them, and I just didn't really care about these people or what they did. It's a shame because I think this could've been an okay season, but the finished product just did not give us anything. The endgame got better but only marginally so, and it still wasn't really worth the price of admission. Even this cast ranking is very nebulous because I don't really care about... anyone all that much lmao.

1. Gabler (he did peak way too early and was kind of an irrelevant bore by the end, and part of this high ranking is because I was actually able to predict his win and I'm proud of it, but premerge Alli-Gabler was the PEAK of the season. Randomly insisting on playing his Shot in the Dark in the premiere, the entire feud with Elie, lovingly trying to cover his tribemates with palm frond blankets while they slept... iconic, legendaric)
2. Elie (for a season that desperately needed ANY sort of characterization, Elie played the villain role perfectly. It seemed a little concerning episode 1 when she wanted to have a girls alliance and then immediately spearheaded the Morriah boot, but then her feud with Gabler started and it was the only consistent storyline of the entire season. Elie wasn't particularly evil, but she was just arrogant and not self-aware at all and it was so much better than what anyone else was giving at the time. Her boot episode performance was great with her proclaiming that she was MADE to play this game, only to be left near tears after Gabler calls her out for searching through his bag and them having a full-on fight in the jungle <3)
3. Jeanine (fun appendage to Elie who could just NOT catch a break lmaoooo that whole chain of events where she was left out of the Elie vote and then kinda worked her way back into things seemingly and then gave her HII to Dwight in case Knowledge Is Power gets played only for Dwight to get booted even though Jesse secretly had her HII and nobody knew it was seriously a work of art. Her perpetual shocked Pikachu face from the Jury was a constant highlight)
4. Cody (having a LIVIN tattoo on his butt cheek <3 he seemed wacky and fun which is desperately needed in modern day Survivor, but after like episode 4 he just kinda became a boring gamebot which was sad to see)
5. Noelle (OTTP inspiration porn that never really got as annoying as it could've gotten, but it's also hilarious that she's allegedly a huge ****ing bully in the real world? <3)
6. Justine (she seemed like she had potential but then she was booted and I didn't care)
7. Nneka (a frightening Trumpie who unironically tweets **** like #Landslide2020 so I don't really like her as a person BUT her Challenge performances were all-time awful and that was like one of the only fun things about this season)
8. Karla (seemed actually good in the first few episodes, then kinda became annoyingly complacent and not good, and then by the endgame she became kind of a demon in the best way possible so it wraps back around to her being okay? A weird morph but here we are, even if it's not for the reasons anyone thought)
9. Jesse (his coronation edit was annoying as was his general storyline about being in juvie and now being a loving father BUT the fact that it all led to him getting a heartbreaking downfall at the hands of *Gabler* of all people kinda makes his whole arc age better for me, it's true. And his overlord gameplay was kinda annoying but it kinda made some interesting **** happen I guess?)
10. Lindsay (promising premiere but then largely irrelevant. Gets upper yellow for having a fun boot episode where she decided to become randomly paranoid for no reason and spawned her own boot just because)
11. James (he seemed like a good old school fan but then after the premiere he just talked in New Era isms in a raspy voice that I couldn't understand most of the time. Points for having like the only real fight this season with Owen?)
12. Ryan (overly cocky to a fun degree for a brief moment but other than that I largely didn't care)
13. Morriah (a first boot on Survivor)
14. Cassidy (the rabid fandom she has is absolutely perplexing because we know literally nothing about her other than she's a girl who was on Survivor 43. What is her personality? What did she do to supposedly deserve to win? Why am I supposed to care?)
15. Owen (kind of an annoying tryhard who embodied a lot of the bad things about modern Survivor but I don't think he's a bad person and the finale made me kinda empathize with him for being a big Survivor fan but having a negative amount of agency in the game ever)
16. Dwight (who)
17. Geo (a strange morph from OTTP sob story to OTTN cocky guy but I didn't really find him likable at any point for some unknown reason)
18. Sami ("I'm going to convince everyone I'm 23 and NOT a 19 year old!!!!!!" vs. doing cringey Tik Tok dances and memes at any given moment, goodbye human. Also I'm immediately suspicious of any BYU student so two strikes and you're OUT bitch)

Never posted my 44 thoughts...

https://i.imgur.com/HNsZ7BW.png

This season was... goodish! Definitely more enjoyable than 43 which is nice, and there were definitely some stars in this cast which was fun. However, New Era Survivor can only be so good y'all. Like, why did we waste so much time of Ratu's storyline on Matthew when he was a premerge medevac/quit?!?! I wish there was a little more suspense in Tika's domination of the merge, and I also wish that this cast was a LITTLE less chummy with each other? It was a very wholesome and respectful group and while it wasn't nauseating like it's been on other seasons, this isn't what I watch Survivor for. Give me some villains! Give me some emotions! Unfortunately stan Twitter ruined any of that for like any reality TV show ever now so thx guys.

1. Carolyn (duh. I don't even feel like I would need to explain this one. It'd be almost insulting to try to explain WHY Carolyn's so good because we all know it. She's easily the best castaway of the New Era and probably my favorite since Angelina. Kooky and loveable, wore her emotions on her sleeves and actually gave us drama at times, was surprisingly complex, had a great up-and-down friendship with Yam Yam... this simply was Carolyn's season regardless of the outcome)
2. Jaime (Kooky Plank Lady :<3 I still feel like the edit could've/should've fully committed to showing her as an OTT nutjob but the times they went there it was fun! Getting duped by a fake Idol and then having someone getting voted out with it only for her to come clean to her tribe and have no one believe her at all is objectively one of the funnier storylines in recent Survivor history even if it feels like it wasn't particularly resolved)
3. Yam Yam (I feel like I should've liked him more than I do but he was good and fun and funny! I didn't LOVE his edit and I would've preferred a Carolyn win but Yam Yam was still very charming and is extremely telegenic so it's nothing I'm overly upset about)
4. Claire (alol useless girl sitting out of EVERY CHALLENGE and side-eyeing her tribemates whenever they say something stupid :<3 premerge boot queen)
5. Frannie (I don't really care much about the Frannie/Matt showmance but post-merge Frannie turning into a staunch Carolyn supporter and Challenge beast was a fun turn of events I didn't expect)
6. Lauren (she was UTRfun and had a lot of potential but her edit... why did we start with a CPN premiere only to become an OTTP single mother??? Both sides were fun but her edit made no sense at all sadly)
7. Sarah (idk she didn't really do anything but I liked her for some odd reason)
8. Brandon (he had a good premiere and then nothing happened but that still somehow gets him this high)
9. Josh (kind of An Annoying Gay but ngl that whole situation on Tika with him and Yam Yam and Carolyn was probably the peak of the season so gj Josh I guess)
10. Carson (ultimately he's an annoying nerd superfan whose actual storyline was that he knew all the puzzles ahead of time because he 3D printed them and practiced, which... no thank you. Literally only up this high because he was a staunch CaroYam ally and did a bulk of the legwork to get them into the endgame)
11. Heidi (seemed like she had potential at first but she was just kinda awkward and not particularly telegenic. Every post-merge episode was basically just her repeating "but I have an Idol I can use if I need to!!!" but nobody cared lmao. She tried her hardest to become relevant in the finale by putting herself in fire-making but it didn't even resonate with me sadly)
12. Maddy (was a first boot on Survivor, although to her credit she actually wasn't a bad player and just got ****ed over by like three concurrent twists??? but then I didn't miss her at all so)
13. Helen (was an early boot on Survivor)
14. Bruce (hopefully I'll have more to say when I rank the 45 cast)
15. Matt (kinda cute at times with his Frannie showmance BUT he was aggressively annoying as a Juror and even as a player with his absurd TC analogies)
16. Kane (WE GET IT, you're a nerd who plays D&D)
17. Matthew (ANNOYING and an airtime suck for no reason and very much a Look At Me Being The Mastermind type of edit all for someone who was medevaced/quit in the premerge, good grief)
18. Danny (seemed hot and fun at first but he's kinda low-key a jerk and his fart joke was one of the least funny thing this show has seen in a while. Also, obligatory "he's a Trumpie" for qua)

https://i.imgur.com/0xgRL4F.png

Spent the last two weeks watching NZ: Thailand and it really wasn't that good? Honestly it was such a mid season and I'd argue that Nicaragua really wasn't much worse??? Nicaragua's format and pacing was a drag but the character at least were fleshed out and the stakes felt like they mattered. Meanwhile, Thailand had hardly any character development and was a very toneless, gamebotty season. Things happened but I had no reason to care. Blindsides happened without any explanation. So many of the dynamics were told to us rather than shown to us. The season did get better in the late merge and endgame and it still wasn't bad exactly, but for a season that was so hyped up I was very let down compared to what I expected. I get that NZ is a small country but how the **** did they cast two childhood friends?! Honestly the storyline kinda worked out the best way it could but it still took up way too much of the season's focus and was incredibly unfair. I'm already dreading ranking this cast bc they're all so yellow.

1. Tess (clueless hapless recruit who comes one vote away from winning over a RHAP superfan :love: if only! Was so much fun and it was great to see her earnest approach to the game from a standpoint of morals and not betraying anyone she gave her word to. Just a fun and unique character in this day and age and easily the highlight of the season. I do have to say that I was REALLY disappointed with how irrelevant she was in that middle portion of the game but she tried to make up for it with a great endgame)
2. Renee (kind of a boring Presence That Was Liked for a while but then she received a single vote as part of a vote split and she decided to freak the **** out :love: she jumped ship from her already endangered tribe and declared it to be the biggest move of the season, she HATED Dave with a fiery passion and blamed him for things she didn't do, and even when people in the Jury Villa and even the host at the reunion tried to tell her she was wrong she still didn't back down and continued to hate Dave the whole way through? Iconic, legendaric.)
3. Adam (kind of a MOR narrator but a FUN one. Just a really engaging personality with great confessionals and a true Tess cub through and through except for the one time he was tricked into voting for her lmfao. THAT BEING SAID, sometimes he was a little *too* mean for my liking? Even though I didn't like Dylan I felt like Adam sometimes took it a bit too far tbh. And yet I disliked Dave less but didn't give a **** about how mean Adam was about him? It's hard to explain but it's my truth!)
4. Tara (there's a big drop after the top 3 but I guess Tara's somehow my #4? Hilariously underedited until the endgame when she did wacky **** like randomly take credit for moves she didn't make and infuriate her teams with awful Challenge performances :love: I still don't really understand her exit though, because she was a loyal Lisa cub who QUESTIONED EVERYTHING after Lisa blindsided Matt, but then somehow Tara came up with a last minute 2-1-1 so that Dave and Lisa could get to the F3 instead of her since she felt they deserved it??? Bizarre af but girl worked for her UTRM overall)
5. Lisa (definitely too much of a gamebot for me to really love her but she's fine? Her gameplay at least made interesting **** happen and the 3-2-1 blindside on Matt is legitimately impressive. She was also funny sometimes like when Dave was having a breakdown around the time of the Matt boot and Lisa was just like "..............a lot of social norms seem strange to me :conf2:" and then awkwardly attempted to comfort him)
6. Eve (UTR fan favorite how? In my top 6 how? Some things just can't be explained! Had a pretty big edit at first when she haphazardly found a Idol and ended up misplaying it, but then she was kinda edited out of the show and never returned for reasons unknown! She never really felt invisible, but she didn't receive any merge confessionals until her boot episode lmfao which came because she won like two endurance Challenges and was deemed THE BIGGEST PHYSICAL THREAT IN THE GAME. And then she wept at TC and was still voted out unanimously and in this dry ass cast that was enough for her to win Fan Favorite!)
7. Karla (rofl for a second boot to be #7 really says enough. I think she was the last one picked for her tribe? And then she cut her hand immediately so she really never had a chance. She wasn't even noticeably awful in Challenges but she would've needed some outstanding performances to win people over. I did laugh when Franky got sick in ep2 and Karla had a confessional about how this HELPS HER GAMEPLAN bc now she can throw Franky's name out there to save herself :joker: but then Karla was booted and I was sad for a second but got over it very quickly)
8. Franky (honestly I didn't really care about her but I'm relieved she won the fan vote over that freak Angus!)
9. Matt (he's fine! I feel like a bunch of people HATE him but honestly he becomes a lot more interesting to me with the mechanics of his boot if that makes sense. It also helps that he basically exist in the edit until the late swap so even though he was a perpetual CP4/CP5 throughout the merge it didn't feel THAT bloated to me?)
10. Brad (how the **** is he in my top 10, I have NOTHING to say about him xx I guess his blindside kinda opened up the game?)
11. Kaysha (I kinda felt bad when she was booted but her energy was kinda frantic and off-putting to me. Like she was probably the strongest girl physically but willingly attached herself to sinking ship Dylan because she felt bad for him? I don't know, she just felt very frenetic in a way that I didn't connect with and I feel like she could've become uncomfortable viewing very quickly)
12. Jose (BEASTED the marooning Challenge only to draft a godawful tribe that lost most Challenges :love: her boot wasn't explained AT ALL but she was just kind of an annoying chatterbox who thought she was the tribe leader? Kinda won me over at the reunion when she went toe to toe with the host on one or two of his ****ty questions lmfao)
13. Josh (his blindside was a HUGE turning point in the season but he was a bore. A hot bore! But a bore nonetheless </3 It's frustrating because his cancer backstory could've made him a good character too but it only came as part of his boot episode so)
14. Dave (not a bad person but I kinda grew to dislike him by the end just because it was TOO MUCH. His edit just never let up and he was ALWAYS there and he felt even more visible than Matt despite what the vis numbers show. He went on almost every Reward, he was always the underdog, he was also always somehow a swing vote or at least a pivotal one? I don't know, I just couldn't deal with him by the end of the show when he's crying over having to boot his childhood friend or whining about how he's SO HUNGRY despite going on more Rewards than anyone else in the cast. Just too ****ing much for me.)
15. Liam (who? Very much about Morals and Integrity and was like incredulous to the fact that anyone formed any alliances but I didn't care about him at all)
16. Arun (BORING like such a bore omg. And yet he had some RHAP/Reddit fanbase because he was a gamebot? Also how the **** is his name pronounced Aaron)
17. Dylan (so I kinda hated his edit because it was immediately everyone bashing Dylan for things we never saw. Like apparently he schemed a lot and threw everyone's name out in the first few days? Would've been nice to see it! That being said, I found him kinda snivelly and annoying and the fact that his story took up the entire premerge was kind of a drag)
18. JT (for someone I never heard about going into this season, WOW I was surprised to find out how much he sucked! Just an annoying nerdy gamebot who I'm SURE people praised for being such a great gameplayer even though everyone had his ass pegged as a threat immediately and there's no way he would've survived three rounds of the merge at best. And then he received such a bloated edit for him to go out as a medevac?! I will say this final words were kinda nice about how 32 year old JT has different priorities than 13 year old JT and his health isn't worth risking for this game. Kind of a refreshing take tbh)

Oh, and here are my overall and winner compilation charts for NZ!

https://i.imgur.com/PWZZAoM.png

Okay so this season was...... pretty good! Lulu is an all-time disaster tribe that was truly a sight to behold. That being said..... I think the season kinda peaked early? The tribe swap just kinda came at the wrong time and the post-merge was your usual New Era bullshit. I still think this was a much better season than the recent ones we've had, but New Era Survivor can only be so good and the edit still kinda didn't make sense in a lot of ways and we really didn't NEED 90 minute episodes so I'm still kinda fearful of the direction this franchise is taking :)

1. Katurah (A++++++++ backstory while also being funny and having a hilarious hatred for Bruce, wish she received a bigger and more prominent edit)
2. Dee (wish she received a more CPN accurate edit but I'm obsessed with this girlboss who just sits back and effortlessly commands everyone else and them just listening to her without any question or doubt?????)
3. Bruce (THIS being our single returnee lmaosdfja;lsdkfj such an unaware and oblivious disaster of a human being who really doesn't mean any harm but is sooooooo annoying to everyone he comes in contact with <3)
4. Brandon (maybe the worst Challenge performer of all time in 45 seasons which is a truly remarkable feat, but also fun and self-deprecating about it all!)
5. Hannah (quitting IMMEDIATELY because she misses nicotine and vaping <3 mom)
6. Emily (pre-swap Emily was ALL TIME............ but then she became a boring toneless gamebot and that makes me sad :( )
7. Jake (loveable hot himbo doofus who cried all the time and screamed in frustration when nothing ever went his way)
8. Julie (an underedited but fun mom who was somehow a big threat to win??? Wish we saw more of it!)
9. Sabiyah (didn't LOVE her but she was a fun early boot with hilarious arc with the wax Idol. She had potential)
10. Kellie (kinda boring and underedited but got fun towards her boot when she just complained about being unwillingly shackled to Bruce alol)
11. Kendra (a fun kooky gal but a little TOO in on the joke and tryhardy for me)
12. J. Maya (seemed to have potential but super underedited until she randomly decided to have a one-sided rivalry with Sifu)
13. Kaleb (nice guy but overedited and BORING so no thank you)
14. Sean (misread a TC so he pretended to quit bc he was missing some dick which lmfao?!?!?! but also kinda whiny and annoying lol)
15. Austin (advantages advantages advantages Idols Idols Idols Amulets Amulets Amulets)
16. Sifu (underedited but annoying and would just scream like a super saiyan every time he was on screen, no thank you))
17. Brando (tried to bond with Drew over Pokemon once and that's enough for red for me)
18. Drew (ANNOYING with his forced metaphors about the ****ing Sword of Damocles and the Ring of Gollum and bildungsroman just shut uppppppppp thank god we never got to meet ~Basile~)

So with all the news of Survivor UK getting another season but now probably not, I realized that I never posted about the season when I finished it last month!

https://i.imgur.com/LQz4lL1.png

It was okay! The beginning was slow but not in a bad way. I don't mind camp life scenes but the general vibe was a bit misogynistic with such a big emphasis on ~tribe strength~ which was really just an excuse to boot all the women. But then the late swap and early merge was surprisingly good? Power shifts happened in a complete organic way so it was very interesting to see the dynamics change naturally. I didn't totally love the endgame because like... look at the overall edgic ratings of the F7 lol, but it still wasn't a bad season by any means! A bit forgettable but perfectly watchable.

1. Leilani (random 90s pop singer who was terrible at all physical aspects of the game but was able to cockroach her way to a joint runner up finish? Iconic, legendaric! Sucked in the first IC but survived, was voted onto the other tribe for the rest of the premerge, lashed out at the sexists Caletons in the name of Jess after they all embarrassingly flopped in an IC, and then somehow got to the FTC and confidently admitted that she only played the game for a week but she's a BADASS BITCH asdfjkl; another great moment I need to mention was during the finale when she taunted Matthew that they're the only two people left who have kept to their word the whole game, and then corrected herself that *she* kept her word to Laurence and Nathan and Tinuke and then just left Matthew seething to himself on the beach lmaoooooooo)
2. Ashleigh (a little enamored by her looking like the great Nicole Capper but she was also pretty great herself? Was the most rootable La Nena girl and was in a lot of interesting positions throughout the game between the misogyny on La Nena and her close relationship with Christopher that led to the two of them isolating themselves from the entirety of the merged tribe. A flawed player who had a lot of potential)
3. Jess (a DEVASTATING premerge boot who didn't really have major moments but was a lot of fun. The way she talked was great, she gave great confessionals, and she was just good vibes)
4. Tinuke (just a neat lady! Tinuke didn't really have Moments but she was a great narrator and had fun vibes. Was a legitimate threat to win too until her SHOCKING blindside)
5. Lee (is it contradictory that the biggest misogynist of them all is my top guy of the season? Perhaps, but Lee was just sooooooooooo awful I couldn't help but not take him seriously. He was the most vocal proponent for keeping the tribe strong aka voting out the women, but he was such a ****ing joke that I couldn't help but be amused. His conflict with Christopher was a highlight of the midseason and his outbursts at TC both while in the game and from the Jury were some of the funniest moments of the season to me)
6. Doug (yes he's a gamebot but I also kinda had a little crush on him bc he seemed like a nice guy who was generally good about things like using Ren's pronouns and kissing Christopher on the cheek multiple times in the same conversation <3)
7. Rach (a fun early boot who served as a good foil to the misogyny on La Nena. Wish she stuck around longer!)
8. Sabrina (gobby loudmouth who irritated her tribe and was an early boot <3 not particularly likable but a fun arc)
9. Matthew (lmfaoooo at that winner's edit. I don't really have anything to say about Matty! He played a pretty good game and wasn't the most boring person when he was shown, but is he even a tertiary character this season???)
10. Rachel (she had a good backstory that was touching but she literally only got content in her boot episode so RIP)
11. Pegleg (kinda barely there BUT he ranks this high for the novelty of legally changing his name to Pegleg and having nipple piercings despite being a kinda crotchety old man?)
12. Christopher (okay so this one I have no clue where to rank but I think he lands here... Christopher was definitely the main character of the season for better and for worse. He was annoying! He was a camera hog! I didn't find him particularly likable! But that being said, Christopher was a huge factor in driving the narrative of the best parts of the season so I feel like I woe it to him a little bit to not entirely bash on him. Even if I didn't like him, he undeniably Brought It and made interesting **** happen while also getting great reactions out of the rest of the players)
13. Nathan (kinda nice and a loyal number for Tinuke but ultimately boring </3)
14. Shai (I felt bad for him on a human level that he was immediately ostracized and targeted but he was also one of the least telegenic people on the cast sooooo)
15. Hannah (comically UTR but was also kind of a meninist in a boring and not cute way... but then she was randomly a threat to win????)
16. Richard (forgettable first boot who just got booted for losing the first IC for the tribe kinda?)
17. Laurence (it's a light red but the posh shtick didn't go anywhere and they always enabled the wrong side so no thank you)
18. Ren (was basically the mouthpiece for turning this into A Gameshow and they were basically an annoying RHAP podcaster personified so of course I was happy when they got clowned

https://i.imgur.com/Vr6QzTT.png

I kinda love this season? Definitely the best season of the New Era. It's funny how Probst talked about how Survivor is just a show that Will Not Have Villains anymore and then we get the most insanely petty and conflict-prone cast in a LONG time :love: Siga was boring af as the love tribe but Nami was one of the meanest tribes we've ever had and Yanu was one of the craziest... like I still can't believe that we had Jelinsky AND Jess AND Bhanu and Q AND Tiffany all on one tribe?!?! And that's not even mentioning the Venus/Soda/Tevin complex on Nami, and whatever the **** is happening between Maria and Charlie/Venus/anyone even as Maria literally today cropped Venus out of a pro-Palestine picture?!?!?! The most I've enjoyed a Survivor season in suuuuuuuuuuch a long time which I'm still surprised about because I'm so negative about the current state of the show.

1. Tiffany (probably not the conventional choice but as someone from very nearby, she is SUCH the embodiment of Franklin, NJ in the absolute best way. She's fun AND funny, an engaging narrator, a loyal ride-or-die for her besties, doesn't shy away from conflict or calling people out... basically all great qualities in what I want to watch on Survivor)
2. Venus (have we ever had THIS big of a pariah since Abi-Maria? The fact that she cockroached her way to 7th place and only was booted bc she didn't play her HII is remarkable considering she only had one ally the whole season and that alliance lasted for about 2 episodes before he got medvaced :joker: she was such an effortless lightning rod for conflict and infuriated EVERYONE merely by exiting. Glorious showing as she continues to feud with at least four of her castmates to this day even post-show :joker: )
3. Bhanu (episodes 3-4 being The Passion of Bhanu are a personal highlight of the season for me. I know everyone complains about how he was TOO MUCH but he was just the perfect amount of much and it was glorious??? His meltdown on the Journey episode 3, Yanu holding mock TCs to teach him how to talk to Jeff Probst, him crying to God that He should've never let him get on the show, begging Kenzie to help him and find him an Idol, getting on his knees and begging Tiffany to not vote for him, not playing for a million dollars but a million hearts......... it was all just such a work of art)
4. Kenzie (just insanely likable and charismatic. Like, despite Kenzie not being the ultimate strategist it's insanely easy to see why she won -- she's just insanely likeable and someone you would want to give $1,000,000 to. Props to the editors for finally showcasing a winner's social game!)
5. Liz (such an enigma and such an odd casting choice. She isn't shown all that much until late in the merge but every time she's shown it's an EVENT that just makes me more confused as to what I'm watching??? Like between her Applebee's meltdown and her silently helping Kenzie take down Maria at the F5 IC, nothing makes sense but it somehow clicks???)
6. Q (such a ****ing mess, like I still can't comprehend that he went from power player overlord to cockroach who tried to quit but the cast wouldn't let it happen??? An insanely absurd human who needs to be experienced rather than explained, but ultimately he's not a total Troy favo? Appreciate and like but don't LOVE)
7. Maria (a heinous meninist :love: like she was kinda bad but it wrapped back around to hilarity in the last three episodes when she made people plead their cases to be brought on Reward only to make them play rock paper scissors, and then the very next episode sobbed that PART OF HER DIED when she wasn't chosen for Reward. Also not voting for Charlie to win is seriously the shock of the century, so props for bringing IT)
8. Jess (lmfaoooooo so hapless and not equipped whatsoever for the game. Feel legit bad that all of Yanu bullied the **** out of her and planted fake HIIs for her when she was the most straightforward second boot arguably ever? Poor thing seems like her experience was entirely miserable and not worth it and I don't blame her for being bitter at all)
9. Ben ("that does not rock :(" is still so ****ing funny to me lmao kinda annoying at times but genuinely harmless and occasionally fun/funny)
10. Jelinsky (a funny and pathetic first boot that the show turned into a meme and completely ran inton the ground so here we are in yellow)
11. Randen (literally the only person who ever wanted to align with Venus and did it in the most begrudging way imaginable lmaoooo robbed king)
12. Soda (honestly so ****ing annoying but at least kinda bounced off of people well sometimes)
13. Hunter (boring golden boy but not actually offensive)
14. Jem (why did people think she was going to win? Also she's boring and I'm glad she went out when she did)
15. Moriah (but can she jump? also lmfao her boot TC was embarrassing lowkey)
16. Tim (boring nobody)
17. Charlie (WE GET IT you're a Swiftie)
18. Tevin (just kinda mean and kinda hateful and self-important and NOT in a fun way)

https://i.imgur.com/39zoZOv.png

So I started Australian Survivor 2002 (also known as season 1 if you are brainwashed by Wikipedia like I have been accused of on Reddit) last August and only made it a few episodes before real life took over, but I decided to celebrate this summer by actually watching it in full this time and I enjoyed it! I'm admittedly an old school head who watched the Borneo VHS countless times, but this season was good and I'd recommend it to anyone who loves old school Survivor. The first half is admittedly slow, but the merge really picks up to a captivating endgame with an all-time finale. I think I still like Survivor UK 1 better in terms of old school international seasons, but this was also very good. If I were to make a US comparison, I'd say it's a mix of Borneo and Palau?

1. Katie (I'm going to preface this by saying that no writeup can do Katie justice. She simply needs to be experienced. She immediately told us that she's not controlling but wants things to be done her way. She's extremely competitive and was in it to win it more than anyone other than Rob. She spent the entirety of the premerge fantasizing about her path to victory and writing down dream boot lists before discarding them in the fire lest anyone see them and figure out her game. Unfortunately, as soon as they merged Katie had the subtly of a sledgehammer and Craig immediately clocked her game and tried to open everyone's eyes. This led to multiple confessionals where Katie called him a manipulative asshole and a creep, and conceded that while she could be seen as manipulative as well, she surely doesn't think she is. Craig then told Rob that he's voting for him each week because he made a deal with Katie to pile votes on him in preparation for a vote countback tiebreaker. This led to Rob distrusting Katie and climaxed with him betraying Katie in favor of Joel. Katie took this as well as you would expect, since she is a gracoius winner and the exact opposite in defeat. She cried, she yelled, she screamed, she picked a fight with Rob by calling him dumber than dogshit and saying he's hardly a man, she then apologized to Rob and got in another fight with him mid-apology. Then after she lost the F4 IC to Rob and literally had to walk the plank to her defeat, she put together a surprisingly competent pitch to get Joel to vote for Sciona since she'd lose on vote countback. She also tried to pitch that Sciona vote for Joel to restore their old alliance but it just led to her and Sciona fighting. Then Joel and Sciona compared notes and everyone started confronting Katie on her lies and hypocrisy. This led to her running away from everyone, sobbing about how her game's fully fallen apart and she sees no route to survival other than murder (!!!) Katie's mental breakdown and the toll of the endgame also led the entire F4 to attempt a mass quit that was only thwarted when production threatened to give the $500,000 to 5th place Sophie?!?! The story of Katie Gold is a Shakespearean tragedy unlike anything ever seen before on Survivor and it is something that must be experienced by anyone who considers themselves a True Survivor Fan. Fin.)
2. Sciona (my shock love of the season because I feel like nobody talks about her and she's ****ing great? Kinda gives Sue Hawk vibes as well as Lorette from Survivor SA 2? Just a brash older woman who was into Survival and constantly looked down her nose and the youngings who couldn't start a fire or make rice or doing anything, but then accidentally found herself in a powerful position as Rob's #2 and gradually started to approach the show more as A Game all while struggling to connect with the younger girls since she's not into dresses and makeup and **** like that. A LOT more complex than her edit suggests and had a lot of key important relationships, especially being the lone Tipara to sympathize with Craig and struggled with having to vote him out)
3. Craig (kinda whatever until the merge hit but then omg what a tour de force. Sussed out the majority alliance as soon as Katie overplayed her hand and then won two ICs and just taunted everyone about how Rob, Katie, Sciona, and Sophie are aligned and they're idiots for not seeing it. Naturally Katie took this as well as expected, by calling him a creep and an asshole for trying to manipulate the people she was trying to manipulate herself. I was also very impressed with Craig's use of vote countback as a strategy, openly telling Rob that he's going to vote for him and coming up with a lie that he made a deal with Katie to pile votes on him each week so that he'd go home in the event of a tie. And even though his lie didn't work to keep him in the game, it absolutely lit the match to start a turbulent endgame.)
4. Jane (lmfaoooooooo just a cheery 18-year-old who never spoke badly about anyone and yet her tribe ****ing HATED her and bashed her at every opportunity. We'd get a Jane confessional about how she thinks the tribe admires her and views her as an inspiration for being so young, and then it'd be sandwiched by like three separate confessionals about how Jane is so ****ing annoying and unbearable to live with and can't pull her weight to save her life. I think the one moment that sums up Jane was when she tried to be nice and offer to cook dinner for the tribe, and then immediately had to ask Sciona how one boils rice despite the fact that it was like Day 29 or so at this point)
5. Rob (okay so Rob as a person like... I think he's kind of an evil asshole with just how manipulative he was. He kinda seems like a scumbag despite presenting a "nice family man" and it really wasn't likable a lot of the time. HOWEVER, he's a huuuuge reason why this season was as good as it was so I'll give him his flowers. The game was like stupidly easy for him because literally everyone undoubtedly trusted him and wanted to go the endgame with him, but then he randomly decided to backstab Katie and Sophie at F6 by booting Jane and all hell broke loose in those last two episodes. I think what makes Rob different than other masterminds is that we also saw him progressively lose his mind throughout the endgame? He openly talked by like F6-F7 that he would never dream of playing this game again because of how taxing it is both physically and mentally and that he absolutely needs to connect with a therapist after all the trauma he's endured, and yes he brought a lot of it on himself but it was still ****ing gripping to watch)
6. Sophie (lots of talk about how she was STRONG and the YUMMY MUMMY and A HUGE THREAT TO WIN but she really didn't get much of an edit at all sadly lol she seemed fun and cute and like she had potential the few times we saw her though, loved her and Katie teaming up in their John Tucker Must Die era when they realized Rob was two-timing both of them)
7. Jeff (lmfao this snoring maniac who would continually call the other tribe NERDS and LOSERS and openly antagonize them after they lost ICs and then next scene would make a wooden carving about how much he misses his family lmaooooooo like it was absolutely insane behavior from someone in his 50s but I dug it)
8. Naomi (could've been an MORP sweetheart but was instead just a MOR presence that was liked?)
9. Sylvan (I know he has his fans but he's kind of a nothing for me sorry! Got sick and wanted to go home and then felt better, and then got sick again and felt better, like that was his whole story a few times... oh and he won a car despite not being able to drive so good job?)
10. Lucinda (lmfao she apparently quit smoking 30 a day and drinking to train for Survivor and then by Day 3 asked everyone to vote her out and even voted herself out which is ****ing funny. She was kind of annoying at the reunion though bc she denied that she actually wanted to go and was just trying to be noble despite her final words saying otherwise)
11. Joel (denied the existence of any alliances like Lance did, but then eventually realized people *were* forming alliances and was kind of the catalyst for the incredible endgame by approaching Rob and Sciona so I can give him props for that? But part of his deal was that he was going to throw the final IC for them and agree to place 3rd so he could maintain his integrity which is ****ing stupid so it almost cancels out... and then post-show he got sentenced for attempting to murder his girlfriend YIKES 11 is probably way too generous considering that)
12. Lance (just repeatedly denied the existence of any alliances no matter how many times he was given any sort of evidence of them, basically Sean Kenniff but underedited and boring)
13. Caren (boring narrator)
14. David (got sick like immediately and was just kinda shifty and trustworthy but ultimately boring)
15. Deborah (kinda annoying and cringe at times)
16. Tim (RIP I guess but who?)

https://i.imgur.com/Idtt1ZB.png

This season was... okay. Very much A Season of Survivor. There were some highs and some lows, some good episodes and some bad ones. Ultimately the biggest issue I have is the cast. Just look at how toneless the chart is! Regardless of interesting things occasionally happening, I could only be so entertained because I care SO LITTLE about this people. Like, Gabe was supposed to be a villain?!?! Kyle was supposed to be a fallen angel hero?!?! Rachel is supposed to be some dominant winner we praise?!?! It all just feels like a complete parody and joke at this point.

1. Genevieve (mother. Great arc of someone who wanted to play cutthroat, betrayed her #1 ally, and then realized that it sucks hurting people so she decided to not form ANY close relationships with anyone, only to then later realize that she missed out on connecting with people. I still feel like they could've done a better job with her arc, but it was lowkey one of the better character arcs in recent Survivor history so it's an easy #1 for me)
2. Rome (I don't even like him that much really but he was SUCH a lightning rod for conflict and the season really died quite a bit when he was booted so I'll give him his flowers here)
3. Sue (could've been #1 or #2 if she had any sort of edit in the post-merge. Yes she's MAGA but she was a great pre-merge presence and definitely has pop as a character)
4. Sol (a fun, likable presence albeit not an exciting one. Very much The One Normal Person who was dealing with a bunch of crazy people, especially Rome, and he handled it well and had his moments)
5. Caroline (she was fine! Likable, had decent allies, randomly would get REALLY excited for anyone doing anything good in the game alol she's a fun presence)
6. Sam (I still don't understand his arc and why he was seen as such a threat but he was moderately fun and likable and it was fun watching him cockroach his way to 2nd place against all odds)
7. Teeny (such a weird edit but endgame Teeny was HILARIOUS with their hatred for str8 white men. So cringe and quite a bit of secondhand embarrassment but I admire their authenticity even while being totally deranged)
8. Sierra (her and Sam being seen as some weird non-showmance was kinda fun but she wasn't that good)
9. Kyle (he seemed nice but I still don't really care about him)
10. Rachel (likable on occasion but ultimately SUCH a randomly forgettable character and player. Still can't believe this is our winner but here we are)
11. Andy (fun pre-merge arc turned boring gamebot post-merge lands him right in the middle roughly. It's like the Emily arc but not nearly as good)
12. Anika (people seem to really like her but I got nothing. Fun reaction to being blindsided I guess but who cares?)
13. Tiyana (people seem to really like her but she's such a nobody)
14. TK (he was an ass and it was kinda funny but kinda annoying but ultimately really forgettable)
15. Aysha (RHAP flop who wasn't even bad but I forgot about entirely when she was booted)
16. Jon (a stunt casting first boot is hilarious but I remember nothing about him and he didn't even really do anything to warrant being booted lmfao)
17. Kishan (boring and forgettable plot device for Genevieve)
18. Gabe (not even disliked for the reasons other people do, just SO BORING and yet people act like he's some great villain and he keeps talking up himself as on the Mt. Rushmore of the New Era and I literally remember nothing about him)

https://i.imgur.com/q97ynCI.png

Sigh. This season showed promise in the pre-merge but fell off HARD as soon as the merge hit and all the dominant bros and Eva joined up to form a loyalty alliance and steamrolled to the end :) The episodes were all predictable, the boot order was largely stagnant, the votes were mostly unanimous and uncontested, and this cast just wasn't exciting enough for me to care about them at all! The show just feels so lifeless these days it's sad.

1. Sai (one of the most effortless off-putting and antagonistic castaways since Abi-Maria and literally the only saving grace to this season, easy #1)
2. Mary (a great Sai opposing force in the pre-merge who kept cockroaching against all odds, but then kinda lasted too long and became BORING)
3. Star (#StarUpdates was an all-time internet meme and she seemed FUN but holy **** they just didn't feature her much on the show at all, it's criminal)
4. Kamilla (kinda fun at times but even trying to call her a character is a stretch, she was just a Kyle appendage who helped him win but was funny at times)
5. Chrissy (UTRfun I guess)
6. Joe (seems like a genuinely nice family man which I appreciate BUT it's not entertaining, he should've gotten a more mixed edit with his self-righteousness and self-indignation)
7. Charity (lmfao she seems like a lowkey awful person but the edit didn't support people dunking on her AT ALL which is funny to me)
8. Cedrek (situationally funny and amusing at times but I really didn't care about him at all)
9. David (was fun until he wasn't... hot but kinda self-righteous and gross at times)
10. Kyle (a boring and safe winner who I'm sure is a perfectly nice human but BORING)
11. Stephanie (kooky flower girl but who?)
12. Bianca (she kinda had potential I guess but who?)
13. Justin (pizza guy but who?)
14. Eva (SUCH a hilarious meninist in theory but in execution it was just boring and kinda not likeable)
15. Kevin (literally forget everything about him except that his boot was Shocking or something)
16. Shauhin (annoying tryhard but I still didn't totally hate his guts for some reason?)
17. Mitch (BORING and without trying to sound ableist, had some of the worst confessionals ever both in terms of delivery AND content)
18. Thomas (wannabe CPN mastermind but at least went home early?)

https://i.imgur.com/ZpTDifd.png

Decided to watch UK: Panama just out of completionism and morbid curiosity for it being THE WORST SEASON EVER... and I actually didn't hate it??? The season doesn't feel real *at all* and is comically dull and boring, but it's a quaint and quick watch and there's quite a lot to laugh at even ironically? The scenes of them doing karaoke and debating the legalization of marijuana, watching the players describe their family's tea drinking patterns and sex lives in full detail, watching someone read the Complete Works of Shakespeare aloud in order to pass the time, a whole plot point being whether someone has tonsilitis or just a sore throat... like there's something beautiful in the art of just how ****ing DULL this season was that I can't help but laugh. There's truly no other season like this, and while I don't ever plan on rewatching it again I'm not mad at all that I did. And there are also QUITE a few soundbites and clips I will absolutely revisit for the sheer hilarity of it, mainly:

-Tayfun describing how Alastair is NOT Mister Nice And Sensitive because he got a blowjob in a toilet on New Years
-everyone's utter appalment that Bridget has refused to watch any footage of 9/11 because it didn't directly affect her
-Susannah describing how her husband is *a very thoughtful lover* because he doesn't mind if she falls asleep while he gives her head

1. Susannah (SUCH a meme before memes were even a thing. Generally nice and thoughtful English teacher who everyone thinks is insanely posh and pretentious that they can't stand her and REFUSE to award her any money as she obliviously reads Shakespeare aloud and reflects on how her husband doesn't care if she falls asleep during sex. The show never really explains why she's so disliked to the point where she loses unanimously, and it's certainly bad storytelling but also kinda makes it even funnier?)
2. Bridget (gruff shepherdess who bosses everyone around the camp and rambles endlessly about the foot and mouth outbreak and her family's tea consumption patterns and then has confessionals about how she's so happy everyone gets along and there are no alliances, only for an immediate cutscene to the people she adores the most talking CRUEL **** about how they want to smash her head in and kick her in the neck because of how ****ing annoying she is)
3. Tayfun (flamboyant ballroom dancer who fails to smuggle like 10 different banned items onto the show, accidentally loses the tribe's machete immediately during the marooning because he's convinced it will float, and then just angers his tribemates because he's more concerned about his own personal vanity than helping around camp)
4. Meeta (realized by like episode 2 that Survivor is Not for her and wanted OUT but her tribe held her hostage because they liked her so much????? Truly a journey like no other)
5. John (definitely a screentime hog but he was actually a fun narrator and pretty witty and I can definitely see why he was cast for the show. Kinda wish he won tbh!)
6. Alastair (kind of gross and a bit of a pig and 34-35 is way too old to be acting like A Proper Lad buuuuuuuuut his boot episode was kinda great with how he blackmailed South Island by threatening to expose all the cruel **** they talked about Bridget during the 24 hour log stand IC, so he's green out of respect. Also he was definitely hot and I wish this show had better quality visuals)
7. Sarah (honestly the quintessential first boot journey for me? Literally shocked as soon as she got to the island that this was hard, was bewildered that everyone else knew how to build shelter and make fire so she just sat around clueless, talked in her VT about how she prepared to go on the show by getting a tan, was physically dragged during the first IC and made to do the easiest parts imaginable and only lost because Susannah got the tribe DQed by accident, and then basically asked to be voted out bc she missed her mum)
8. Drew (definitely funny but more in context than practice because she was SO underedited. Peak Drew was at F7 when she decided that she wanted OUT so she threatened the tribe that if they didn't vote her out she would refuse to help around camp, not give John her Jury vote, and actively destroy the camp's food supply... except this all happened off-camera and was only recounted through confessionals and Susannah politely scolding her lmfao. And then the very next episode everyone was like "aww wait we actually like Drew more than Bridget, it's a shame we're still playing by tribal lines and have to vote her out next xx")
9. Jonny (definitely a weird winner in how he was SO third string in his alliance compared to Susannah and John. I think my lasting memory of Jonny is going to be how everyone ADORED him and acted like he was a saint but he was actually kind of a huge dick? Like, Bridget literally waxed poetic about how if she had a son she would want him to be EXACTLY like Jonny because he is the most genuine person she has ever met, and then he talked on the log about how he wanted to kick her in the neck and then talked so much cruel **** about how she's the most boring person he's ever met in his life. I kinda dig the two-facedness of it all?)
10. Lee (tried to Play The Game with Susannah but in a boring and forgettable way lol I wasn't mad when she nuked him and sided with John and Jonny)
11. Dave (his whole thing is that he's just an old geezer who is a Newcastle football superfan and loves it more than his wife? yawn)
12. Helen (looked like she was destined to be Britain's Sweetheart as she was just a dead normal me working class barmaid girl, but then she wasn't really on the show lol)