Where do you stand on forgiveness in 2023?
 

I know I did a thread on this last year but people's values and beliefs often change gradually over time so I thought that, instead of bumping over old ground for the 40th time this month, I'd give the thread a new start.

And I don't just mean regarding the petty squabbles of day-to-day life. I mean in those instances where you've felt really wronged or disrespected by a person (or by people) for a long period of time or however-else the disagreement came about it just ended really badly. Do you let them back into your life (if it's necessary/appropriate in the first place) after a while or do you cut/block them out and never look back?

In general I'd go for the I don't hold grudges option. I've a very forgiving nature.

However, I chose the depends on the circumstances option because there's somethings my brother and his wife did after my mums death which were absolutely unforgivable and I'll never change my mind.

I try to and do mostly forgive.

IF however anyone repeatedly questions my integrity then I do cut them out of my life and have extremely little or preferably nothing more to do with them.
I won't risk going on that road as to such as them again.

Personal forgiveness from myself however won't always be that there's no consequences necessary as to justice to ensure is done for a crime for instance.

I had a pretty horrid experience with certain people I lived with in late 2020 and throughout 2021 and once I decided to 'un-forgive' them I never looked back. I still hate the people involved in that situation (they really did us dirty) and I wouldn’t piss or even spit on them if they were suffused with hell fire and gasoline as it stands now and there are several other people I’d add to that list but if I was to bump into them in person and see what they had to say for themselves beyond two crap apologies I got it might be a bit different. I think that experience made me a lot more hardened when it comes to things like that but the truth is there are so many lovely people out there and even the best of us can screw up interpersonally. I don't think I can give a black-and-white answer to it at this point.

i dont forgive nor do i ever forget, so be warned

I'm sure you have your reasons, Kate.

It really depends on what they have done,some I will never forgive ,others I will forgive but never fully trust again.

You still not letting go of the bum hole accident :joker::joker:

If you’re anything like me you find it hard enough to trust in the first place so when that eventual trust or confidence in them is broken it can really suck.

As long as it's nothing severely criminal, I think that I'd always be open to forgiving someone that's wronged me.

Where do you stand on forgiveness in 2023?
 

Mmmmmmm I’m apparently the calmest , kindest , most laid-back guy around ( I must hide my inner turmoil extremely well ) but I have flaws … one is that I can never forgive or forget anything that hurts me mentally or physically… In a deliberate/cruel way

Thankfully I’ve only been ‘wronged’ twice and they were work based incidents ..

I had my revenge on both ….

Not particularly proud but it is what it is .. both were over 35 years ago


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I wish I could say the same. With me it tends to be more a case of either forgive or forget but not both. It’s either one or the other.

Tbf I can understand your reaction.

For me I tend to normally forgive after a few months going by previous stuff that's happened to me over the years.

I'm not one to hold grudges. I pretty much get over things quite quickly.
No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes.

I can forgive but I don’t forget….the older you get the less time you have for disloyal or disrespectful people….you simply do not need them in your lives :hee:

Exactly. Some people do not deserve forgiveness, unless the only forgiveness is reconciliation on your part needed to just let it go internally and be at peace with yourself. It’s not for their benefit.

100% when someone breaks your trust,there is no going back.

Obviously, 19-year-olds are the type of people to use not having the emotional maturity or capacity to understand the concepts of trust and loyalty but past a certain age (before 19) people do tend to at least vaguely know what they’re doing. Some excuses are valid but “well privacy isn’t really that big a deal in this age group” isn’t one when you deliberately and repeatedly break that trust. Running back off the basis of that and questioning why these poor people don’t want anything to do with you (“em why isn’t he let us b his friend”) is hilarious. And when 45-year-olde do it you know they’re just dickheads who never learnt to value friendships. I’ll give you two or three slip-ups but beyond that it’s deliberate and not worth my investment.

Yeah, well. What can I say. I’m just bitter like that. I’ve earned that entitlement with my life story so I won’t ever apologise for being harsh with people who truly deserve it. I try to take people as they are but if I’m seriously crossed by someone repeatedly it’s almost impossible for me to ever fully get over it or speak about them nicely should the conversation arise. I’m chill and unassuming in my manner but with people I actually hate I do have a tendency to rip them to shreds (depending on the context) and I do actually mean what I say if it’s a person I’m truly done with.

And the thing is cutting off people disrespect you won’t disrupt that laid-back serenity thing you’ve got going on so you should probably incorporate that into your life. Obviously being able to do favours for people and being known as someone to go to when it comes to thing X but outside the business of actually sort of providing some sort of service or being the one with the solution to boredom on a Friday night there are a lot of people out there who’ll only hit you up when they want something from you for free and chances are they don’t even respect your most basic boundaries. I don’t mind helping people out (that’s partly what people like me live for; make me feel like I’m doing my bit for society) but people who claim to like hanging out with you but message you a lot but pretty-much only when they want something they won’t even say thank you for are just one-kind. Even if they say they’re coming to you in the spirit of friendship and love, how are you supposed to believe that when they can’t show you basic respect or interpersonal reciprocity (in the sense of being someone of substance to chat to, not someone who’s just going to bang on about their job or boring body-count while they totally justify their raggedy cheating behaviour). A spotty bastard came up to me in that spirit about 18 months ago and he was just fouler than foul. He pissed off when he got the hint that besides wanting to show him/make him understand one or two things I had no interest in him as a person whatsoever. I’ve seen pencils with more authentic personality.

The person that works once a day is worth more to me than the the person who thinks about working a thousand times a day.

A mix of all of the above, it depends both on who is involved and what happened. If it's someone I couldn't care less about I would say I "forgive" straight away in that I don't hold a grudge or dwell on it - but I wouldn't bother having anything to do with them again. Why bother navigating the complexity of that for someone you couldn't care less about?

If it's "middle ground" i.e. a friend and something not too serious, I'd generally just let it go. Something more serious I'm not that bothered about cutting someone out entirely, even if it's family :shrug:.

If it's someone I personally care about and actively want in my life I'd be more forgiving than the above and work at things in situations where I wouldn't bother otherwise.

And for the "ultimate in forgiveness" - if it was my kids I can't think of many things I couldn't forgive.

I'm very forgiving. I don't hold grudges at all. If you do me wrong I'll definitely be mad about it, but I get over it pretty fast.
I think life is too short for grudges.

Some people think more about life and social things in it more than others and that's fine. Value who you value. Everyone here is just offering an opinion based on their own experiences and mindset.

And I’m doing exactly the same thing.