I've had enough! I feel like running away.
 

Except there's nowhere to run to and I shouldn't feel this way because my homelife is fine honestly.

I turned a corner last year, kicked a serious gambling habit and healed my relationship. I've got good things going for me and I don't know why I'm feeling this way.

I'm physically and mentally shattered right now though. I full time run a home, take care of my partners mum and I've got a very demanding forum game ongoing which I'm aware I'm taking too seriously and expecting too much of people instead of letting myself enjoy it but my point of view is valid, I feel partially that I've wasted my time as half the housemates have walked and the rest well I spend hours pming everyone and creating threads and trying to help if they are struggling and the game should've been a rip roaring success and it just hasn't been. I've fallen out with Benjamin, nearly lost Maru's friendship, had a blazing row with my forum bestie Vanessa, upset Ammi today. I'm biting my tongue so hard because the housemates aren't engaging with me, to be fair that's me again expecting too much. I think for my own sake I can't do this again. Maybe a tamer game. Josiah, ahh wonderful Josiah has been a rock. I want to be like him, like Ammi. They both are so comfortable in their own skin. I might seem confident on here. I'm utterly not.

Next I'll get slaughtered and accused of playing the victim card by a certain minority, wait for it. I'm just up to the eyeballs with the abuse I get thrown at me. It's relentless. Fortunately the vast majority are lovely to me or I'd be out of here. Gone. I love this place. I just want to make people happy and please them. I'm a good person. I'd do anything for anyone. I make friends easily. I struggle to understand why I'm not universally liked. Lol.

I've been in bits this afternoon. Walking round the house trying to hide that I'm crying from my partner. I need a hug so bad. But I'd literally lose it and weep buckets if I got one. I need to chill out seriously.

I can see some light, the game is nearly over and maybe it was just too much for me. I'm a crazy perfectionist and I can't switch off, relax. I'm feeling better the more I write. I just want to see the game through to its natural conclusion and take a break. Play Strictly Jake's music game which I love. I'm going away with Vanessa next month overnight to Blackpool for her birthday. It cannot come quick enough. I love her. She's amazing to spend time with. I can relax in her company. She doesn't judge me, she's comforting, she says all the right things. Talks a lot of sense. If not for this forum I'd never have met her.

I'm sooooo tired. I may have an early night but knowing me I'll probably get up again and shoot the breeze half the night with Josiah over in the USA.

I didn't know where I was going with this thread, I've just let it meander along. It's like counselling. Being allowed to just talk and express myself. Sorry for the long winded post.

I think I'll stop now. I need to prepare for the game tonight. It's the final night for the housemates and we have a lovely evening planned.

Thank you anyone who's 'listened'.

Xxxx

I’d ditch the game or let someone take over

Concentrate on yourself and your relationship

Eat healthier , drink more water , start walking daily .. listen to happy, uplifting pop music


Hugz

It's finished tomorrow Zizu.

I've felt exactly like that the whole game. It's not an easy one to play or to organize.
At times its overwhelming.
But we only have one more day.

It is not just that Ness. It's certain people.

You'll feel much better after this game ends.
It will ease the pressure, I think.

You've put far too much pressure on yourself rather than letting the game play out and enjoy it.

I get you run a home and care for your partners mum but a lot of your players also have homes and jobs etc. Having watched the game, there is no way I could have committed the time to it. The game has been great and we can all see how much time and effort you've put into it but I think it would have been easier if it were a little shorter - both on you hosts and the players.

Honestly though, a forum game is not worth getting upset over.

Take a step back, a breath and relax :love:

It’s admirable that you take these things on for the enjoyment of the forum Kate…it all sounded convoluted to me so I opted out. These things are time consuming and it clearly has got on top of you.
Get it finished and take a bit of time out…your life seems a bit full on, caring for your boyfriends mum and running a home on top of work..it’s a lot.

Yes Annie. I know. You're not wrong. It is mainly the game but not solely. I'm sick.of the crap. I get on here and of reporting it and nothing changing. It just goes on an on?

We've all enjoyed the game. Yes it's been tough, but we still had a unique experience.
Im glad I did it because now I know I'm capable and not useless like I thought I was last year.

I just block and report anyone causing me grief. I don't want to engage with them..

Hang on in there, Kate.

We need you on this site

Thank you.

Sometimes when I'm being hounded it doesn't feel like that. It's lovely to hear. I have tears in my eyes.

:hug:

The game was fun but like Annie said, we have things outside the game, like we are decorating the house. However you and J have been great hosts and I’ve enjoyed the game. It’s been fun

You are a perfectionist Kate, and you just have to understand not everyone is, also you do everything a mile a minute, just breath...relax...... dont be too hard on yourself..... if someone doesn't do something its not the end of the world, TiBB BB is hard, enjoyable but hard......

Baz.. I pm you all constantly making sure you all know exactly what is happening and when? Nobody bothers to tell me if they can't do things they just go awol. I'm tearing my hair out.

I've quit so.many times Josiah needs a revolving door. There's no communication.

I will never do this game again.

I agree with this as an observer Kate. I think your ambition with the game has been really commendable but there's probably some good learnings from it too in simplifying it and running it for a shorter time

It also clashed with on season this year which is an additional thing taking people's time and energy and the game even ran for longer than the actual series

All we asked for was a bit of effort.

I think you're being quite hard on the players Kate....they all have given a lot of time from what I have seen but real life does take over and they can't always get online to update you of their wearabouts.

I think you've done a good job and should be pleased that the ones who are in the final have had a good time playing

Some have. Some haven't.

I did reply back when you asked to. I pmed you about my speech but I didn’t think sendi g a one word pm would matter to you?

I've pmd you today. You were online I saw you. I also invited everyone to social groups and requested you all do Diary room chats so we could post them.

Was I on? Maybe but I was just closing threads on my phone, today I was with my mum so sorry if I didn’t pm you one minute after you post the pm, you need patience though Kate, give us at least half a day, for Christ sakes it’s the weekend, plus it’s Sunday. You seem to expect us to come to reply to your pm as soon as you sent! I’m sorry Kate but you are getting angry over nothing. We all decided to play the game but it’s not a job, it’s a fun silly kill the time game. You are making us feel sorry for you when we shouldn’t as we give our time to play the game.

You don't Barry. You've barely taken part in anything? Be flipping honest.