Joke of the day! (Not for the easily offended)
 

Two friends signed up for college. When they looked at their schedules, the first friend noticed he had Logical Reasoning as a class. Not knowing what it was, he went to the class and asked the teacher what logical reasoning was. The teacher than proceeded to explain:

"Do you have a lawn mower?"
"Yes," replied the guy.
"You have a lawn mower, which means you have a lawn, which means you have a house, which means you have kids, which means you have a wife, which means you're straight."

When he got out of class, he met with his friend who asked him what logical reasoning was about.

"Well," said the guy. "Do you have a lawn mower?"
"No," replied the friend.
"Well, there you go...then you're gay!"

:joker:

lol that me chuckle :spin:

What do you get if you cross an owl with a dog? :eureka:

What do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the Great have in common?

The same middle name.

:joker: Oh cc, you make me laugh so. :D

no idea

I have no idea either... O_o

What's the difference between Hitler and Paula Radcliffe?


(this could be perceived as insulting so if anyone has any objections to WWII remarks then please say)

What do Gareth Gates and Harold Shipman have in common?

Neither of them could complete a sentence.

(Yeah, kinda offensive I guess. Any serious objections and I'll delete it.)

Dunno.. do tell..

And I think maybe this thread should be renamed with an offense warning, so we can tell offensive jokes! lol

an owlsation (alsation)

:laugh: :nono: :blush:

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:: laugh::laugh:

:flower:

A few truly awful ones, but I just have to add them:-

1. What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?


Roberto Q: What does a dog get when he multiplies 88 times 7?

and the second awful one.....................

2. velcro, what a rip off


3.

Q: What does a dog get when he multiplies 88 times 7?

A: The wrong answer.

Oh Dear! Those were truly shocking! lol

"Are they celebrating christmas in Vietnam this year?"

"well, they will be hanging Glitter"

I have a Labrador retriever.

I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

On impulse, I told her that no, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again....Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time,but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

Practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

hay - theres a thread for jokes already! none of these are better than mine though...

:tongue:

http://www.thisisbigbrother.com/foru....php?tid=46974

ex-squeeeeeze me Mr Abs.. but I think you will find that my thread was here first... so :tongue: to you! HaHa! :laugh:

LMAO

just thought i would start a little trouble!

:tongue:

Stropz Pet food joke was a laugh.

No way could anyone say that with a straight face in real life though, and I know plenty of wind up merchants.

Having worked in a supermarket for a long time, I could see the scene wonderfully.

That's my job... :nono: :laugh:

I'm the queen of dead-pan Sidrat... I can carry off many a good wind-up and keep a straight face... :thumbs:

mmmm - did you mean excuse me, or do you have something else on your mind?!?

:wink:

lmao that first joke had me stitches.. very good! -x-

haha i love the dog food one lol:joker::joker::joker::joker::joker:

A little rude and may take you a bit to get it but here ya go:

Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A. Long time no see!

A man is driving along a highway
and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately
the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.



The driver,
a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.



Much to his dismay,
the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful
that he begins to cry.



A beautiful blonde woman
driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the
side of the road
and pulls over.



She steps out of the car
and asks the man what's wrong.



"I feel terrible,"
he explains,
"I accidentally hit this rabbit
and killed it."



The blonde says,
"Don't worry."
She runs to her car
and pulls out a spray can.



She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit,
bends down,
and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.



The rabbit jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.



Ten feet away the rabbit stops,
turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops anot her ten feet,
turns and waves,
and repeats this again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.



The man is astonished.



He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on that rabbit?"



The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.



It says...





(Are you ready for this?)












(Are you sure?)













(This is bad!)













(It's definitely a Blonde Joke!)













(You know you could just click off
and not read the punch line....)













(You don't have to read it)













(You know you're gonna be sorry)













(Last chance)













(OK, here it is)












It says,







"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair - adds permanent wave."







Hey, I don't make them up.. I just pass them along...

Lol,thats good...
:hello:



Edit; Changed my post to avoid giving the joke away.