BB11: BB's 'Elevenpence' Olde Coffee Shoppe
 

Wee light hearted idea for thread with a twist of fun thrown in.

Little Coffee Shoppe, a place for all housemates (BB11 of course) and others, to make 'an appearance', pop in for a bit of refreshment. Only one proviso. A BB11 or it's spin off UBB - housemate should ideally be mentioned in each post. :blush::blush:

*Opens door of BBEOCS - flicks on lightswitch, turns on Sunday morning easy listending radio, fills up coffe machines, sets tables, sit down and awaits delivery of pastries*

Spies a 4x4 parking up outside. ...... Ulrika, bringing with her freshly handmade Danish pastries (learned from her younger days in not too far away Swedish homeland).

Great..... coffee hot and pastries here, ready for business.:thumbs2:

*Flips door sign to OPEN* :xyxwave:

Here comes lovely Corin ... bearing barm cakes (balm cakes? - I'm with Ben on this ... what the hell are they ...?) to make a nice contrast with the Scandinavian pastries ... she's always down to earth and fair as fair ...

This is going to be fun ... a bit of a gathering ... and a chat ... lovely ... ! :cat:

:cat::cat::cat:
Calling in to drop off a home made Lemon drizzle cake for the customers. Pop it down on the counter, catch sight of UV and Pyramid :xyxwave: hunched over the Sunday supplements and a pot of steaming coffee - and whilst my back is turned, Josie scoffs all the cake and then goes for a lie down on the comfy sofa in the corner ! What a cheek :hugesmile:

Rasputin approaches the girl serving at the counter and asks if he can put flyers on the table and a poster on the noticeboard, advertising free blessings. He is turned away with a flea in his ear. "Better get a wheelchair ramp installed for me and my army of devoted disciples" he retorts "we'll be back".

Andrew pops in... just to ask directions to nearest McDonalds. He appears to have what looks like a watermelon in his rucksack. Darkside chokes on coffee.

John James pops in, asks for some crab cakes, gets told sorry there aren't any. He's getting angry now and storms over to Josie for a motherly hug and a wee grizzle.

JohnMc loudly shouts that Josie is too good for John James before a waitress arrives with his diet coke and he buries his nose back in the Racing Post. He's dismayed that all normal races have been cancelled for the panto-horse race this afternoon.

Ben calls in for his homemade lemon drizzle cake only to find it has all been eaten. Babycakes assures him that a freshly made cake will be ready for him before the start of Celebrity Coach Trip. Vodka Drinka will be ready to serve him wearing her fetching waitress outfit *whilst quietly locking the door behind him and turning the sign to close* :blush::laugh::bigsmile:

There appears to be a Mole at the shop door, banging loudly, and shouting, 'Hey it's not early closing day, let me in or I will rip my fur coat off and streak. It's not fair, I made such an effort to be here, I deserve to be let in more than anyone else'.

And all the customers in the cafe turned round and shouted out as one 'Oh do tell us! What is that strange distended spherical object which you are hiding beneath your coat ... have you brought us a trifle to trifle with ... or is it a yummy tiramisu, that renowned speciality from Treviso in the Veneto region ... we believe that you have family connections there ... ?'


Oh ... dear readers ... little did they dream what it actually was ... nothing edible, that's for sure (don't even go there!)

Eek! :devil:

The assembled customers try to avert their eyes, although one or two cannot help but gag a little.

Pyramid tries to keep her hot Celtic temper in check; how dare the Mole put her happy clientele off her delicious food :yuk:

Ben diffuses the situation by telling everyone his amusing Simon Cowell story, much to the annoyance of Samuel Dean who keeps trying to interupt. Luckily, a handy moderator who called in for a rosewater meringue and a pot of Earl Grey, had a gag on hand which was quickly slapped over his gaint gob.

The phone rings. It's Sunshine with a message for Ben. "Please pick me up a packet of Walkers crisps and drop them in to me on your way home."

When the shop opened again the next day, Nathan who had been practising his culinary skills since leaving the BB house, decided to drop off some samples of his own take on the old favourites Pigs in Blankets and toad in the hole. His versions were called Pigs in Duvets, and Mole in the hole.

Mole in the Hole was taken off the menu the very next day. It had an unpleasant, bitter taste and the yorkshire batter had risen to inexplicably resemble an abnormaly large deformed testicle.

Shortly after midday the rather fetching Irish barista Caoimhe leaned over slightly to gather up some fresh Arabica, unwittingly giving Crabeyes a squint at the breathtaking swell of her bosom.....all hell broke loose as Josie set aside her fourth piece of chocolate fudge cake to fish a baseball bat from her Burberry holdall while Dave climbed onto a table to deliver a completely incomprehensible lecture on (maybe) the wickedness of female sexuality......or it may have been a recitation of the bar menu at Sloshfest 2010.......

Ife comes in and takes a **** on the table.

What the f.uck is this?

A wee bit of harmless light hearted fun ... :spin:

So ... what's with the swearing ... ? :blush:

I think the concept went over their head a little U.V ;)

Coincedentally enough: Nathan booted the coffee shoppe door open with his tacky boots earlier on and uttered the same words !!!:hugesmile:

When Nathan realised it was an establishment well outwith his league, he uttered something similar as he turned on his heels and headed for the little, run down and filthy, rusty, health hazard of a burger van at the other end of town.

*Flips through the early edition of tomorrow's newspapers which have just arrived. Replaces OPEN sign with OPEN 24 hours. Wipes tables down with Dettox..... kills 99% of all well known germs *

Disclaimer: only joking Nathan! It's only a bit of fun.

Laura entered the Coffee shop, said hi to all, got a group hug, then 30 seconds later said the shop was not to her taste and promptly left.

Corin pops her head in en-route to the tanning salon. Has a quick look around, declares loudly with a huge grin, "Ah'm lovin' it" and says she'll be back after a bit of tanning.

*Adds 'cans of Tango' to list of supplies to order up* :joker:

*Puts up very large sign in window, "Due to Health & Safety, all animals (excluding guide dogs) are strictly prohibited from entering premises"*

Lights scented candles on tables, nicer ambience until dawn breaks.

icon

.....Josie picks Crabeyes' nose precariously close to the stack of pain au chocolat...... *waits for someone to call me a legend* :xyxwave:

Total legend :xyxwave:

Mario Marconi calls in wearing hi viz health & safety gear and carrying a clipboard. Pyramid shudders - is he here to close the cafe down ?

Weightlifter Mario lifts John James up by the baseball cap which is hooked into the belt loops of his cropped jeans and throws him out on the pavement without ceremony. John James debates whether to cry or throw one of his infamous temper tantrums, but as no-one is taking any notice of him - he does neither.

"No no no to nosepicking near the pastries" he announces firmly. He turns and fixes a mean Italian (by way of Warrington) stare at Josie and tells her to sling her hook too, for not wearing shoes and having dirty feet near a food preparation area. She manages to grab a croissant before she is ejected and stuffs it in her mouth quickly.

A coach pulls up outside - it's Brendan and the CCT crew, turning up for their daily task. "Today we will be learning how to make cherry flapjacks" he cries.

Glyn happens by and asks for the very first time, ahh-umm, ahh-umm, for a boiled egg sarnie and a coffee.

Panics at seeing the CCT bus pulling up. Goes into meltdown when she hears Bredan mention Cherry Flapjacks. Has no cherries. Has no clue how to make flapjacks.

Realises Nathan wasn't so bad after all and makes a telephone call to the run down burger van down the road, sending out S.O.S.:spin::spin:

Was this Ulrika who was in a panic ... ? Those Swedes ... I don't know ...

She'd better stick to the bottled fish and meatballs ... pastry just isn't their thing ... is it ... ?

Anyone for a soused herring ... ?

Josie did ask for this to be placed on the lunchtime menu, however, due to several BB11 housemates commenting on Eau De Poisson, Josie's request was denied.

Coolio, known his own culinary skills has offered to make Flapjacks, should they be requested. Good old Coolio. Always reliable in a crisis. :dance:

A gruff, unkempt woman in glasses and a baggy shapeless T shirt arrives, waving a rather smelly and grubby j-cloth. "Panic over, I'm here now and this is MY kitchen. I have a great recipe for Cherry Flapjacks. I make them with blood, sweat and tears." She does too.

The assembled customers mutter "Oh ****, it's Carole" under their breath, whilst smiling winningly at her and announcing as a group that she deserves her place behind the counter more than anyone else and all the other staff should donate their wages to Class War immediately.

Environmental Officers entered Coffee Shoppe, noting in paticular, this hazard known as Carole and prompty remove her from premises, allowing normal business to resume, with the safety of the more discerning, eating pulic now assured.

They also permanently deleted Cherry Flapjacks from menu, and disposed of all items that came within touching distance of Carole.

As a thank you, they are offered Honorary Lifetime Free Coffee and Batteburg cake Awards. :spin::spin:

The twins skip hand in hand into the shop with something that looks like a pink colander on their heads, and Amanda asks for some pink coconut ice and a cup of pink tea. 'Squeeeeee, I was going to ask for the same says Sam, you read my mind' :o Pyramid obliges their request, making them a raspberry flavoured pink tea each with a slice on pink coconut ice on the side.

The twins skippy over to John James, and immediately set up a rapport about Barbie Dolls, which to Josie's annoyance :mad:

John James pulls out chairs for the twins, all their pinkness and girly Barbieness, then turns around to Josie, telling her he doesn't give a rip about her annoyance, says his fondness for all things fake goes back a long way and points out to Josie that fakery and the squeeee factor are her bread and butter right now,and suggests she ram a horse sided pastry in her gob to shut her up.

*JJ then turns to the the twins to discuss all things Barbie*

Sam, ever the instigator, sips his raspberry flavoured tea and asks Josie if she still appreciates Barbie as much as JJ does.

Meanwhile there appears to be a jam at the entrance door, well to be more precise its a cup cake, giant sized and well and truly stuck!!
Its the Lovely Rachel Rice, who has been asked to appear as judge for the local cake making contest.
She is pushed through the entrance by a drunken Rex, who it seems has never quite gotten over the dissapointment of losing the cake competition in BB9.
Rachel smiles, she did not want to be paid for her appearance but requested that they pay her with a years supply of grapes, actually a modest fee would have been cheaper.Rachel takes a look at the cakes on display and kindly requests which one belongs to Rex, he states that it is the one he made as a likeness to himself........Rachel immediately pins a rosette on a rater wobbly large pink jelly like penis, she scarpers quickly as she now feels that she can sleep once more having eased her mind that Rex would now be happy and **** about his cake fiasco.
Poor Rex, he was was fuming, Rachel had only pinned the rosette on Josie's new sex toy.

Some of the customers were impatiently waiting for their coffees, Babycakes had to tell them that the milkman was late today and apologised, when a milk float pulled up and Victor grabbed a crate of milk and hurried into the shop saying he got held up with his other job of laying pipes, but that Babycakes and Pyramid knew he always delivered. Babycakes forgave him, she knew how much time his pipe laying took, although she was still waiting on Spiral's bread delivery for the sarnies. What a start, she was behind with so much today, and Alex had promised to help her today, where was he? :conf: Babycakes asked Pyramid to go check in the staff room for Alex.

As Pyramid got to the staffroom she noticed Spiral at the backdoor with the Bread delivery *rapping a little song for Babycakes.

:dance: O'il do anyfink for you
Yes, O'il do anyfink for you'
Your bum is like a loaf of bread
................. :dance:

Pyramid ignored Spiral for now, calling 'ALex ALEX!' whilst opening the staff room door. No answer, so she went into the room for a crafty fag, turned round and nearly jumped out her skin :o 'Alex! What are you doing behind that door doing your shirt up, Babycakes is looking for you, she needs your help in the shop' :mad:

Alex apologised, saying his shirt had come undone, and he was just doing it up, as that's the way he likes it, and was on the way to the shop counter, when Pyramid had come in.

Pyramid went to check the bread delivery and saw they were a few loaves short. Quick Alex! follow that van! Get those loaves of bread.

Babycakes gives Alex a bottle of premium brand bleach and a substantial pay rise in appreciation of the shirtless moment.

She then calls the Police to have Spiral arrested for perpetual stalking.

Pyramid finds Josie sulking in a corner due to the removal of the Cherry Flapjacks from the menu, but can't resist mentioning what fun John James is having with Samanda and the plastic toys. "He better not be using my prize winning new dildo or I'll show it up his Aussie arse and make his crabby eyes water. I need that, it's the only chance I get to smooth anything over these days"

Roberto rushes in with a basket full of freshly made ciabatta and some delcious looking biscotti. The Italion Stallion saves the day (and we are not talking Mario). Ben immediately engages him in conversation, keen to discuss Puccini, Verdi and Catalani. Josies eyes light up at the sight of the biscotti, and all is well in her world.

The Elevenpence Cafe was having an open day to launch their new "Phycotics Sunday" tea time menu. Bebegateaux was having such a problem with the recipe for the new Almond Cake. Everyone she tried it out on hated it.

Nadia walked into the shop in her new high heels, and had just got caught in a shower, so was soaked head to toe. Pyramid said she could dry off in the staff room and would bring her a hot mug of coffee and some Almond cake free of charge. Nadia tried the Almond cake and nearly gagged, 'Eww, darhlins, this is truely vile, sorry but I have to be honest, it is sooo bitter". Seems they couldn't even give the bitter Almond cake away, where did the recipe come from?

Having spent the weekend on a Ghosthunt, the owner of the Coffee Shoppee had the splendid idea of finding a way to fill up that empty corner near the stock room was introduced. Psychic Corner after Psychic Sunday had been so well received.

A few of the more sensitive customers had complained that this one corner in particular had the most dismal aura. Changing the atmosphere was deemed by the landlord to be a good idea and Psychics Corner was borne. Complete with cystal ball, smoke machine, little hanging mirrors and almond oils to create a more welcoming serene corner, that currently was a dark, unwelcoming little nook. While customers had their fortunes told, those with the Power, would be able to see this special aura completely - even though the regulars couldn't. Hopefully it would be spirited away with those with the 'gift'

Spooky goings on which added to they mystery of the Coffee Shoppe.

What lies ahead for the Coffee Shoppe. Does it have spectres, does it have hidden secrets. Only time would tell. Incense was added to the heated almond oil, wafting enticing scents all around,hopefully it would help others to relax in this little santuary.

Sam Pepper found out about babycakes Almond bitter cake recipe, he insisted what was in the ingredients 'at last I can give some for christmas presents' he phoned babycakes for some more bitter recipes .....he he:joker::joker::joker::joker: