Moral Dilemma
 

Your best friend is about to get married. The ceremony will be performed in one hour, but you have seen, just before coming to the wedding, that your friend’s fiancee has been having an affair. If your friend marries this woman, she is unlikely to be faithful, but on the other hand, if you tell your friend about the affair, you will ruin his wedding. Would you, or would you not, tell your friend of the affair?

I would tell them

No point in them getting married then having to file for divorce once everything has been found out

No


Let it take its Course.

Of course. It's a lot more important than a wedding day. The pain the inevitable divorce would bring would be worse. You wouldn't be a good friend if you'd let it play out.

Yeah, I'd tell them. I would want to be told.

I would tell them as well.

Tough one. Your friend could react either way. If you don't tell them, and they find out you knew, they may be mad at you for not telling them. If you do tell them before the wedding, they may be mad at you for trying to spoil things and may refuse to believe it anyway (especially if their partner refutes your claims). Either way, you could lose a friend. I think I would tell them, and then they had the choice to proceed how they wanted. If they held my actions against me and wanted nothing to do with me afterwards, then they weren't such a good friend after all.

Yes I would tell them.

Is this the same thing that Lily posted in serious debates btw? there was 10 moral dilemas I'm sure this was one of them.

..I couldn't remember this one but it could be

I would tell them especially since they weren't married yet, you could be preventing a whole lot of hassle later on down the road

I don't know whether I would tell them..I very much doubt one hour before the wedding that they would listen anyway and all it would do is make me the enemy..and they would really need friends more than ever. And I know that may make people question whther I was a true friend..but this could have been a one off and I wouldn't know how accurate the facts were or any circumstances..so there's nothing to say they wouldn't go on to have a very happy marriage.

I love moral dilemma threads!

I would tell my friend. Even if they reacted angrily towards me and I lost a friend, I'd know that I'd done the right thing which would help me get over losing a friend I think.

You did say an affair in your OP rather than a one night stand

I would confront the fiancée first and see what they had to say, if I came away sure she would be unfaithful throughout the marriage I guess I'd tell my friend

Read that first as comfort the fiancée, lul

He needs to know regardless. He's the one who should decide if he thinks she'll be faithful or not.

..yeah sorry what I meant was it could be over..in the past..and she's made her choice
..I do agree with MTVN though..if I were to say anything it would be to her..but I think she should be the one to tell him..and I think she's the only one he would listen to

If they're my best friend I'd assume they'd trust my word, since there's nothing in the OP about having any proof, and therefore I'd tell him/her.

I see what you mean about it possibly being in the past but I find the idea of someone keeping something like that from my best friend something I should tell them.

I just think an affair is in such a different league to a one night stand.....even if it was over, you have other things like lying right to your friends face on top of the actual cheating. If it were me I would rather know if my future husband had done that to me before I got married

So the affair is now over?

I think if your friend was truly a good friend, and they know you well, then they would listen to you. Unfortunately though sometimes, the heart rules the head.

Id easily tell them and then persuade them not to go through with it because there wont be trust and they canwait it out if they want to work on the relationship.

..I would want to know too..but I'm not sure it would make any difference to me actually marrying the person..not an hour before the wedding..it would if I found out earlier and I'd had time to confirm it myself..but I would be so in love..I'm not sure I would believe it..not straight away..but it would certainly plant some seeds and the marriage wouldn't start off good..suspicion and trust..and maybe if I hadn't have been told..the affair could have ended and I could be very happy in the marriage..I don't know..it is a hard one..I've just never been any good at telling friends what I know will hurt them..and I know by not telling them it's hurting them too..but I don't know..I think I'd do what MTVN said...talk to her and tell her she must tell him..or let her walk away from the wedding

I would tell them but only if I knew firsthand (i.e seen texts / emails or seen them meeting), If I had just heard it from someone else I don't think I would unless they had proof

So Ammi..............going to any weddings soon? :suspect:

I would tell my friend. No question about it.

Was actually semi-in this situation a couple of years ago. But instead of friends in the scenario...it was my parents :S

Oh lol....I don't think I'm going to get asked to any now..I'm the worst friend in the world
...I just don't think I could tell anyone that when they're so in love and an hour away from marrying the girl of their dreams..and maybe she's a reformed woman and will be faithful for the rest of her life :amazed:..and they'll be incredibly happy..and have beautiful children
..see how I'm trying here

Oh **** :shocked: What did you do?

I told my dad in the end. Was such an awful situation to be in though. My mother told me when she was really drunk that she was seeing someone else and had been for a while...

My dad couldnt believe she had put me in that situation. They split up over it (yet remained married as the had already been divorced once when we were kids), she moved out and I thought she would hate me for it...but I'm to this day not even sure he told her it had come from me because she never once mentioned it to me after that and didnt seem weird with me or anything.

I had to tell him though, I have always been closer to my dad and i couldnt stand the thought of her taking the piss out of him. As it turned out, they werent getting on much anyway and it was the straw that broke the camels back.

They only just got back together recently when she found out she had cancer, because she needed someone with her a lot and he was spending more time at her house than at home with my brother. They seem a lot happier now :)

Wow, that was a really ****ty position to be in, sounds like you did the right thing though

Took me ages to decide what to do, in the end gav told me to just 'tell your ****ing dad' because it was really getting me down and I was taking it out on him :laugh:

Ammi,I cannot believe what I have just read,I mean REALLY !!,I was thinking about a question to post on TIBB and I kid you not it was on the same lines as this as I thought it would be quite a dilema for us with our best friends,it is just so weird I look at the thread and you've posted it,maybe it's just that great minds think alike,lol,and as for the question I really do not know what I would do,I'de probably plump for him finding out himself.Oh cripes not sure,I might HAVE to tell him

I would tell my friend. Better to have their heartbroken now then have their heart broken later, get divorced and end up losing money etc. to the other person in the divorce settlement.

LOL..when I started to read your post I thought you were talking about me not telling the friend..but yes..great minds

I feel as though I've got to justify myself here for seeming such a cr*p friend..but the thing is because we're all of dirrenet ages and have different experiences..that's going to effect how we view things. I am someone who very much lives by 'associations'..to things that have happened in the past..and I have been in quite a few situations where I have been aware of things which I know could destroy someone I cared about..and I haven't told them..couldn't bear to..and on everyone of those occassions everything has turned out well..without me doing it..and them not getting hurt. So I guess that's what rules how I think on this...but if it had of been the opposite..I hadn't told someone something and everything was turned out worse because of it..then I would be saying the opposite.
Does that make sense Kazanne..?

I would tell my best friend of the affair otherwise I wouldn't be a very good friend.

I've torn apart relationships in the past.

This would be easy.

I actually did this, a collegue was shopping for wedding shoes when I told her...The wedding was called off, she thanked me for telling her. She met a lovely fella a couple of years later and now has twins :)

I would tell the fiancée that the game is up, and they'd better make sure their health insurance is up to date.

My honest answer here would be keep out of it.

If it was something that happend in the past as you've now said, rather than it happening just the night before (which is sort of what the original post sounded like - orvice versa), especially if it was over, done and dusted: unless you knew all the facts - from all sides -his and hers - there are all sorts of things that could come into play that you know nothing about.

He could have had the 'affair' during a time when they had been taking a 'quiet relationship break', with no one really knowing they were on a break - and he would technically have done nothing wrong.

It could have happened during a argument and it was a mistake that he will live with for the rest of his life, on his own conscience - and he realised that she in fact, was the best thing that ever happened to him (the bride to be I mean) - and you getting involved could totally destroy that.

She too could have had some fling along the lines and no one found out about it, apart from him - and perhaps this was his 'payback'.

Personally unless 'you' (using the tern 'you' as in the 'friend') were in a position to know every single iota of information from both sides: I'd say you'd might be getting involved in something that you shouldn't.

I do understand wanting to not let your friend be treated like an idiot by this 'guy' - but unless you know that without a shadow of a doubt - I think it's better to keep out of it.


Edit: replaces the genders...... took a 2nd reading through to realise the friend is male and the 'supposed cheater' is the bride to be.

Yes Ammi,sometimes it's best just to let things sort themselves out.

of course i'd tell them..couldnt stand there at the wedding and watch them get married knowing that

See the bits I've highlighted.

Far too many assumptions going on here for my liking and jumping to conclusions.

there are far too many ifs, buts, coulds, maybes in all of this.

Besides which: if this all went on in the past - why on earth would you want to leave it to the very last minute to reveal all to your friend (male I now realise) - especially when you are saying in all of the above: you have no hard facts?