TiBB Divorce: Niamh vs. ukturtle
 

Now as you know, me and Niamh have hit a rough patch. We tried to work it out but her constant barrage of abuse, the black eyes she has given me and the constant jibes about my Cheeky Girls discography has left me no choice but to file for divorce and flee to New Zealand.

We need a settlement sorted out, she can have the house and Scott, I want the potato salad, the car and the leather sofas. Any helpers?

You said you were taking Scott :nono:

I know you wanted him, so you can have him. The potato salad is mine though. Deal with it. :hmph:

nobody wants me

I'll keep you Scott as long as Ben pays your maintenance :pipe:

I'll be taking Scott, the pair of you clearly don't deserve him :nono: You can argue over the rest yourselves :p

Come on Scott, I have some nice cake for you!

-peeks through net curtains and gossips to next door neighbours Firewire and Smithy about it-

Now Scott is pregnant, with what I suspect to be Niall's baby, you can defo have him, and I will pay no maintenance. You should have taught him the rules of sex better. :nono:

I don't like being in the middle of this :sad:

I'm going to live in a children's home instead.

You're the man, that was your job :hmph:

Aww you can stay Lucas, you know you were always my favourite

Oh dear :S

Oh yay.

Will this be meaning I get more presents at Christmas?

sounds very sinister :suspect:

Lucas and Scott, you are welcome in my home. In return you must do all the ironing, and I will give each of you £2.50 pocket money per month.

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...vrQ0PvBEe86AWA

Niamh and Bens' Lawyers discuss the settlement over a drink.....

Piddles will get to the bottom of this problem.

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/...87/337/59d.jpg

..You two are meant to be the adults..I cannot believe you are doing this in front of poor Scott...neither of you deserve him...
..and I ate the potato salad anyway

Poor Scott, he'll be broken by that. And now that he is pregnant you are turning your back on him. I hope the neighbours know about this. Also now is the time to tell you I had an affair with our next door neighbour, Greg.

You can have all the presents

Oh good :amazed:

You were always the better parent.

So did I :idc:

Disgraceful!

Niamh, I have taken the Bar exam online, have printed out my diploma, and am at your service to take this despicable man to the cleaners.

Here I am.....

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...FwgQPNrXMODnO3

Greg, the dirty slut bucket. :bored:

That's my boy http://gallery.nekito.net/albums/alb...a_pat_head.gif

I want that couch :pipe:

So, are we going to St Lucia in the Summer when Ben's divorce money comes through? <3.

Ben and Niamh, I know it has been a bumpy ride for the two of you (my sister and her boyfriend were having an issue kind of like this) and I hope you get things straightened out.

The couch is mine! Fine I shall take Scott, he'll be better suited in Auckland than with you anyway. I also want the luxurious Tibetan rug and the tea set from central Peru.

Once Kate is finished with him, we can go wherever you want Pumpkin

You can have the rug Marc took a dump on it last night anyway :pipe: I've already sold the tea set

Thank you. It's been so tough living with her abuse.


http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2qzm7YEtz1r0pxwa.gif

Don't try and get them to sort things out.

I'm going to get lots of holidays from them splitting :idc: :tongue:

:amazed:

Florida for Christmas then.

You won't be getting most of my money. I had Lord Nathanial wire it over to an offshore account on my behalf. :pipe:

:amazed:

Absolutely :love:

Well I have employed Detective Josy Josterton, she'll trace that money don't you worry :nono:

I'll have my hitman Shaunus McGuire take her down. :pipe:

Oh, I believe this is yours too Niamh, you'll need it.

http://www.treatyourskin.com/product...66483_zoom.jpg

thanks, Greg said to give you this and to tell you sorry

http://i.imgur.com/z6L6B.jpg

Josy Josterton will not be taken down by this ruffian, she is highly trained in martial arts, and has catlike pyschic abilities. She works a lot with my law firm (Pugh, Hugh and Barney-McGrugh) and we will ensure that Niamh and the children get everything.

mwahaha.