discovering you have an adopted brother?
 

who is in his 50s? how on earth does one deal with that?

it seems he was adopted straight from birth but I don't know a great deal more

any advice ? experiences?

I cant compare ,but I was abandoned as a small child with my older brother,we went on to be happily adopted,but have found out we have 5 other siblings which we have never met,to be brutally honest,I don't really care,they are strangers to me,although it would be nice to see them I think it would start off as you do when you meet people for the first time,I don't think there would be that bond,but it may be different with you.Good luck anyway.

I wonder if I have any half siblings and my parents are lying to me...

They were both married to other people and divorced them before meeting each other.
I know that, I have asked them if there's any half siblings that I should know about and they both said no.

I wouldn't think they would lie to you ,would they BBfanUSA?

How have you found out? Has he contacted you? I'm so nosy :joker:

no an adoption agency has

Do you WANT to meet him?

I'd probably be quite interested to know about them. I don't really buy into any of that "blood is thicker than water" crap so it wouldn't really be an emotional issue... If they weren't worth knowing then I'd just cut them loose.

As for having been "lied to", don't think I'd be bothered about that either. People have their reasons for doing all sorts of things. I'd be interested to know what the reasons were, though... For the adoption in the first place, and for the secrecy.

Is there no one to tell you of the circumstances of his adoption? Personally I would want to meet him, if only to help him know something of his past.

:smug:

As someone who's adopted, and know I probably have biological siblings out there because my mom was only 15 when she had me, i really don't consider them family and have no desire to know them. If they contacted me i would be friendly, but I probably wouldn't put much effort into making them part of my life.

To me they would be like the cousins i only ever see at funerals and weddings. Im friendly, but they really aren't a part of my life at all, and i don't want them to be.

Everyone's different though. Some adopted people are desperate to know their biological family.

at this stage he has my deepest sympathies

it's totally your choice "the truth" if you don't want to have a relationship with them, you don't have to, and no one should make you feel pressured into it.

you absolutely have a right to say "no , i don't want to know you"

because of what he would be getting himself into by contacting the family, or because of what he missed out on?

what he missed out on

Ooh that's tricky, just go with your gut instinct but I have a feeling if they kept you and had him adopted he may be a tad resentful?...

The OP isn't clear - you have a 50 year old brother but you've discovered that your parents adopted him or you have a 50 year old brother who your parents gave up for adoption? I'm assuming it's the latter. How did you discover you have a 50 year old brother after all this time? Did your parents tell you? Has he contacted you because he's found out who his biological family are?

I'm guessing it's the latter too unless they kept him locked in the attic? :laugh:

I think you misunderstood what Z meant by the former Kizzy

No I didn't, he's not met the brother.

He actually hasn't said that in any of his posts though

iginally Posted by Cherie View Post
How have you found out? Has he contacted you? I'm so nosy

no an adoption agency has

yes but that is not your fault.

It depends on the circumsances, he may just want to know his medical history :shrug:

Well from what I can gather reading the OP he hasn't met him.

Well I don't know, there could be 101 questions he has I guess.

he contacted us via an adoption agency , hes 50 odd....he has the same father as me, different mother....I think he was given up for adoption when he was born...I dont know the exact reasons why as my dad isnt with us anymore. I know almost nothing about him, other than the are of the country in which he now lives. there could be children galore, I just dont know. not sure what to do to be honest

maybe he had a good life and is just curious about meeting his blood relatives? What's stopping you from wanting to meet him?

If it were me I would want to meet him, he is obviously curious about his past. Turning 50 may have been a bit of a milestone for him/

I only found out in the past few days so im trying to come to terms with it....I cant imagine how it would feel for him though? so many unquantifiables at this stage.....

You have had a few people reply to you who are adopted and have had no issues with their lives and do not wish to know their birth family though that may change in the future, you can't really second guess this, he may not have any issues at all, he may just have had a grandchild and it has prompted him to find out more about his birth family. The only thing you can be sure of is that he has gone to the trouble to find you so he wishes to get in touch. It doesn't have to be in person at first, you could write/email him if you feel you couldn't go through with meeting him in person

If he wants to meet you and you can go for it I think it would be a good thing. I think you can only benefit out of this.

I agree, at any rate thetruth you have nothing to lose. I appreciate it must be a hugh shock though.

Yup. I think once the initial shock wears off it will be a lot clearer for him to come to a conclusion of where to go from here.

Seems like the other guy has gone out of his way to open some sort of contact with you truth, please consider that when you make your decision. :thumbs:

..I think it’s all what you personally want truth, do you want to meet him..no expectations etc or anything beyond that, just to meet him..?..he’s obviously contacted the adoption agency..so he’s made his decision that he wants to trace/meet any biological siblings but that decision is only a part of it, you also have to want the same for it to happen...maybe don’t make a decision just yet, because it’s all a bit of a shock and new to you atm, your mind must be whirling with thoughts..take time to think about it all..?...

I meet my sister just a couple years ago, she is my half sister. At first it's was a bit rocky but it's good now! I'm so glad I got to meet her.

What harm can happen in meeting them?

I have two half brothers from my dads first wife, we've never met but if they contacted me I would. I think he's very brave to have made the first move, he might just need a kidney but you never know? ;)

depends, is he rich?

isnt that an episode of curb your enthusiasm? lol

I would be far too curious to pass it up tbh

No it's a new sitcom, Two men and a bitchtroll from hell. :joker: