An interview with a 19 year old paedophile
 

Salman's thread reminded me of this I heard the other day so I thought I may as well post it. It's a really sad but interesting listen

This if nothing else proves that we need to give people like this more support, no wonder so many child sex offences happen when they don't have anyone to talk to about it...

The one I heard was an Irish man and he was live on the radio, they were talking about the topic and by surprise this guy rang in and gave his side of the story. :umm2:

Jack I think your empathy could be better used on anyone other than pedophiles.

As usual, I completely agree Gyps.

This kinda comes across as justifying these people acting on their urges tbh.

It's a weird topic but I guess it must be hard because you can't talk to anybody about it

So is it the suggestion that it's society's fault that these people can't talk openly about their disgusting urges?

Thank you for saying this.

I've always wondered how bad it must be for people to realise they are sexually attracted to young children. I'm sure if they had a choice most would much rather pick a different sexuality.

Fair play to those who go through life without acting on those desires. I try to think about it as being a person that can't act on my heterosexuality. It would be a tough life.

Both of these are exactly my thoughts.

I take it none of you listened then *sigh*

All of the things you're saying or accusing me of would be to assume that every paedophile acts on their urges (attractions which, by the way, cannot be helped - much like being gay/straight/bi etc you don't choose your sexual attractions - who would choose to be attracted to children?) which just simply isn't true and this is exactly the point of this interview in the first place. It's such a taboo topic, one that inevitably if you raise you're going to be looked down upon for or judged and people involved in it are obviously going to be shunned immediately without even being given a chance to give their side of the story.

I have absolutely no sympathy for people that abuse children, I'm not surprised people have jumped to that conclusion though. But do I have sympathy for people who have to live out their lives knowing they are attracted to people they shouldn't be, knowing they cannot and should not do anything about it because it's illegal and feeling totally disgusted with themselves? Yes, because what kind of life is that to live? It's not a choice they've made, that's just how they are.

And the longer we continue to just forget this subject exists, and the longer we just listen to screams of 'kill them all!!!!' whilst forgetting there are actually people out there with these kind of attractions that are disgusted with themselves and would never even consider abusing a child, the longer some of them are going to end up giving into temptation, and that isn't a good thing for the sake of children.

I'm not blaming society at all, but just ignoring this problem doesn't help matters, most of all the children that'd eventually be involved.

Well there's no academic or scientific consensus on that, many who have spent their lives in the study and research of this sort of thing would hotly dispute that paedophilia is innate

Google 'sex therapy for paedophiles'. There's provision there.

Just because you aren't born like it doesn't mean it's a choice. It's a nature vs nurture debate (one that I have conflicting opinions on myself), but the latter still doesn't make it a choice

No but if it is nurture then it means it can be 'unlearned' which sexuality can't be, and would mean that its better to devote efforts to that than to trying to normalise it

Who mentioned normalising it?

Jack is talking about helping them, not justifying their feelings or actions.

And help is available. I think what Jack's asking for is our understanding.

therapist sounds like an absolute bitch

To be fair I'd have had a worse reaction than her.

It's not a great leap from trying to remove the stigma to normalising it, I don't mean normalise it in the sense of making the act socially acceptable (obviously), I mean normalise in accepting it as an innate behaviour and thus something that should be accepted as impossible to change, when that might not necessarily be the case

The whole point of this topic is that people like this exist in society whether we like it or not, if it was acceptable for them to get help then they would be less of a danger to society. I firmly believe that nobody can choose who they are attracted to, but obviously anyone can control their actions. I wouldn't praise a paedophile for keeping their hands off kids because it is common knowledge that children can't give consent. The ones who act on their urges are disgusting abominations who don't deserve any forgiveness or respect.

Take this as an example.

(a) An adult man is attracted to women, does that mean he will abuse a woman?
(b) An adult man is attracted to children, does that mean he will abuse a child?

Imagine (a) goes out and abuses a 25 year old woman, does a few years in prison, deals with all of the repercussions and is able to get out and live the rest of his life after ruining the life of that woman whom he abused.

If (b) goes his whole life avoiding children, only going out at night, not socialising, keeping away from his family members, not having any children of his own, essentially never laying a finger on a child, people in this day and age would think of him as more of a threat to society than (a).

Should it be that hard to control their urges?

For argument's sake let's accept that paedophile's have no control over their attractions, but why should it require that much self control not to carry out what is obviously a disgusting act? If a man sees an attractive woman walking down the street he might feel the urge to sleep with her but that wouldn't mean he has to go to great lengths to stop himself assaulting her. Why would a paedophile's urges be so much more overpowering that he has to lock himself away to stop himself acting on them

I am not saying it has to be like that for all paedophiles, I was just creating a sheltered example for the sake of the thread to make a point, I didn't say every non-offending paedophile locks themselves away. :joker:

I would imagine the overwhelming majority of people in life will have sexual relations with some one or other at points in their life. Most regularly through relationships. Total self seclusion from any form of sexual contact would be a difficult task and for someone that is exclusively attracted to pre-pubescent children that would mean total seclusion from sex altogether.

If someone told me as a teenager I would never have sex with women ever and i would never be able to I really can't imagine how hard that for me that would be.

As abhorrent as pedophilia is I just can't help feel sympathy for those who are struck by it and spend their entire lives resisting whatever urges befall them.

That's true but I still think the act would be so abhorrent that it'd be fairly easy for anyone with a conscience not to act on any urges they have. And though only a tiny minority of people will go through life celibate a lot of people still do it, and those who don't may easily go months, maybe even years without having sex. I don't think it's the knowledge that at some point in the future they will have sex that stops people acting on their urges, it's just that they know there's obviously no justification for doing it without consent

It's not just about preventing from acting on urges, it's the fact they would feel guilty just by finding a child attractive in the first place. There would be no reason for someone who is attracted to adults to feel guilty. :umm2:

I would like to think most people will have that chain of thought in their minds if they ever feel the urge to do something and I'm sure they do.

Still for those that go their entire lives not engaging in sex that people like us take for granted as a typical human luxury because the people they are attracted to are grossly underage, they have my deepest condolences.

Unless they like fancied Dot Cotton or something :ninja2:

Well coming to grips with that guilt is something that can happen when people seek help, which like Livia pointed out is available for those that want it

This is a very thoughtful and sympathetic view, I totally agree.
It must be hell to repulse yourself and know your feeling and emotions are illegal.
I feel this should be treated like a mental health issue, voluntary chemical castration perhaps to remove the pain of attraction?

:facepalm: I was giving an example of an extreme self preventative paedophile. You missed my point completely.

No I didn't and don't bloody facepalm me

Again this comes back to whether paedophilia is innate or learned. If it's the latter and someone doesn't even try to get help in an attempt to 'unlearn' it well then they should feel guilty. It's better to try and confront your urges rather than try and lock yourself away from them.

I don't think that would even slightly make a difference, they would still have the ability to abuse via other means. :huh: It wouldn't remove the attraction or impulses either.

Are you sure about that, How else would they ? why the face palm and the headscratching? Just discuss the topic without the patronising please.

Was your sexuality innate or learned?

Just like on most things in the serious debate section I'm no expert and this is all just pure conjecture on my part but Mental health issue is probably the way I would go with it too. I think where I struggle to think of it as a 'sexuality' is because of what separates this from most conventional sexualities like heterosexuality/homosexuality etc. I.e the attraction is to people who are pre-pubescent and therefore not generally having bodies that are ready to engage in sex. Also there is the morality factor too, we rightfully place protection on people up until a certain age where the responsibilities of sexual contact can be explored at a reasonable maturity.

I think so long as society on the whole is ready to openly accept people who put their hands up and say they have these urges or feelings or whatever and want help without the response of 'string the bastards up by the short and curlies ' then we are heading in the right direction.

Not sure where I stand on chemical castration. Not a topic I've really given much thought about tbh Kizz.

Well, with their hands for a start? :umm2: I'm not trying to patronise anyone, I'm expression my thoughts.

Innate but as I said earlier there is no scientific consensus on whether paedophilia is the same, many experts would dispute that it is an orientation the same as homosexuality or heterosexuality

if they can't help the way they feel and are doing their utmost to not act on their urges I don't see why they should be stigmatised

This article addresses quite a lot of the issues, this is what it has about innate vs learned