do you have any 'step parents'? (rant inside... beware)
 

My parents broke up about 3 years ago and only just got divorced not too long ago. At first i was sad they wouldnt be together, but now im glad. they are both nicer now that they arent together.

I really get on well with my mums boyfriend. He's funny and gets our (my sisters and i) sense of humour.

My dads gf, however, is a whole different story.

I cannot stand her.

She's one of those sly bitches who squeeze their way into struggling mens pockets.

I went away this weekend with my dad and his gf and literally every time my dad wasnt around, she'd tell my sister and I that my dad was in thousands and thousands of dollars in debt and that he couldnt buy us much and how they struggle so badly.

I was like, 'i dont care about xmas presents, its only the thought that counts' blah blah blach

so my dad bought us some lunch and his gf was like 'no, you cant use your credit card!!!' right in front of us

she complained about having no money and how he cant spend anything on us, yet they then spend way over $800 on pointless **** that they dont even need.

whereas we struggle to have heating this year, they have a superhero themed kitchen with 4 different cookie jars (at £50 each)

it just makes me so ****ing mad. Like I pay for everything to do with my car, apart from the insurance. She's now demanding I take over (which I dont mind, as I rightfully should do), because it costs way to much and is causing him to go into 'so much debt'

like, i dont mind paying it. Its fair enough... but the whole weekend, she mentioned how she was 'worried' about his money and how she couldnt sleep because of it.

i was like 'bitch, if you're that ****ing bothered about money, you wouldn't spend $80 on a ****ing picture of some superheroes'

i said that in my head of course, but still

does anyone else have a 'step parent' from hell?

this bitch really gets me down, I cant stand her.

Not technically but my Mum and Ian might as well be married.

We get along, I can't tell him everything like I do with my pa, but I like him, he's good for her and I love the fact I have an extended family with the fact I now pretty much have a younger brother, an older sister and my step niece.

Omg, she sounds sf annoying.

My step-nan was a gold digger, she split up my nan and granddad, and caused my nan's stroke which has effectively ruined her life considering she's only 52 (i think) but is not eligable to work but is given small benefits which she can barely survive on, and she had 2 kids with my granddad, made his company go bust, bled him dry and then one day told him she was moving to Ireland with my auntie and uncle (but one's the same age as me, the other is 1 year younger but this was in like 2009, so she left him after 5 years of marriage, they'd been having an affair since the year before i was born, and in that time she made him go from owning a company with 3 different stores whatever, to having literally no money and having to buy from the bargain bins in the co-op, ****ing bitch)

Sounds like hell.

I have a step parent and we NEVER got on for years and years but now I'm older we get on a lot better these days. :laugh:

Eurgh she sounds like a bit of a head buster Caitlin. You should tell her firmly but nicely that you would prefer if stopped bringing up your dads finances with you and your siblings that you feel that's private business of your dads and if he felt the need to discuss it with you then he would.

I don't have any step family at all but a lot of my friends did when we were growing up and they mostly seemed to have problems with them.

She sounds awful caitlin, if i were you i'd talk to your dad about it, and see if he is actually having problems with money, or if she's just saying it/exacerbating the situation to make you feel bad

You use American currency values when you refer to her comments, is she from the States this new gf of his?

..I agree with Josy, Caitlin..it isn't really up to your step-mum to discuss your dad's finances with you..maybe tell her that you don't feel comfortable talking about it unless your dad himself decides to talk to you...it's quite an odd thing for her to do really...

that's awful. I hate people like that... very much reminds me of my dads gf

lol, well heres hoping...

everything i ever say gets twisted though... its very very complicated. i'll speak to my aunt tonight (well, my dads aunt) and see what she thinks. she lives in america, but is very level headed and wont take sides. i think deep down she knows exactly what my dads gf is. she justs wants my dad to be happy

oh, i know hes having problems with money. he has to pay for two seperate houses plus buy all of her ****... but shes definitely exaggerating.

im american, lol

i think I will do... she has nothing to do with his money, but shes saying she's 'in charge of his finances' so that she knows whats going on. ugh


Thanks everyone for the advice! I really appreciate it.

It just annoys me cause my sister was speaking about going to Uni next year (at my birthday meal last week) and as soon as my sister mentioned it, she was like 'oh you do know your dad cant pay for it. he's $75,000 in debt'

and i wanted to punch her

Oh wow, my apologies I thought you were a Brit. What State you hail from?

its difficult, technically i am a brit, as i was born in scotland, but i grew up in Maryland, so im used to calling myself american

but yes, Maryland is where I lived!

I've seen you mention Harrogate too, which is why I thought you were a Brit. You've been around a bit, where do you prefer? Here or North America?

wHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY!?????

and lol yeah thats where I live now. Good old Harrogate. Where about in south yorkshire are you?

and hmmm its so hard to choose. I love it here, but i much prefer America. The thing is, my mum is scottish and my dads american, so if I move back, i'd have to go and live with him and his awful gf, and leave my mum behind

if my mum and dad were both going, i'd be there in a heartbeat

Wow sorry Nina. And it puts you in a tough situation because if you complain to your dad about her it might not go so well.

My dad has a new wife (which he married without telling us) I try to be civil with her for my dads sake but my mum recently told me if I let her in, her and I are done. :umm2:

You're a geographical slut ma'am :wink:

I'm on the border between Sheffield and Rotherham. Depends what mood I'm in where I'm from that way :laugh:

What is it about America you love? I've always dreamt about the idea of moving to Vermont or somewhere like that when I'm older. :laugh: Just something about the States that intrigues me.

My mums fiancé is a controlling twat. I can't stand him. Telling my mum she is wasting money coming up here to see her family. No one is accepting of him in the family.

My parents broke up for a while because my dad had an affair with a hateful strumpet and they got together after it all came out but it didn't last. She could not weather the storm of hatred that spoilt, teenage me constantly brought down upon her.

:clap1: Good on you.

I love my step mother! she is great

It's my dream to be an evil stepmother.

You would be amazing :flutter:

Wow Caitlin she sounds like a terrible person. I'm sorry she's in your life :hug: hopefully she changes and gets less obsessed with the idea money, or at least stops using it as a kinda weapon. Or if she doesn't improve I hope your dad moves on from her.

And my mom's boyfriend isn't too bad, I get on with him. But yea I kinda prefer it when he doesn't sleep here.

ugh, i bet that was awful. there was rumours of my dad and her getting married just a few months after being together so i stopped talking to him. then he found out what had been said and said they werent married. wouldnt surprise me if they were though

she has a massive ****ing engagement ring which is bad enough as it is.

my mum is a little bit like that too. is yours a little irrational?

ahh so you're not too far from me then! that's pretty cool!

I love the people. I think they are way kinder in the states then they are here. People actually greet you when you go places. the only bad thing though, is that its so much more dangerous. it's scary.

i know the feeling. i hate people like that. Its a shame when someone is blinded by 'love'

i hope you smacked that bitch up

shut up bitch
awww thank you :kiss:

if anything, i hope he wakes up and realises what she truly is. that would be the best christmas present possible.

do you not like him sleeping over cause of sex noises? cause my sister said she hears my mum and her bf and wants to throw herself from a window

/sorryforthetmi

:laugh2: yea the first time I heard sex noises I wanted to die, but yea I've got earphones always nearby, I'm used to them by now.

And it's just that I feel I can't be myself and totally relax in the house while he's here, although he seldom comes into the front room (where I usually hang out), and there are loads of little things, like having to lock the bathroom door. But yea my mom likes him a lot, so I suppose it's worth it to have her happy.

Yeah, hearing parents or any family members having sex makes me want to rip my ears off and eat them.

you should invite a girl round then make sex noises as revenge

i never thought about that. i just leave the door open, lol.

n'aww thats a nice way to put it.

at least hes nice, i guess

you should do a big smelly poo claudia, then he'll never want to come round

:laugh2: :laugh2:

..I do think Caitlin that you should be talking to him directly about things like this but only if he chooses to tell you about his finances etc...that's difficult though I know because it's that thing where yours and his relationship could be damaged if it seems to him that you're being 'dismissive' of her...but if he chooses to pay for your insurance or help with your sister's uni fees, that really is up to him and something that she has to accept..that when she met him, he had children and they had a place in his life...it may be that she is trying to 'manipulate' a situation of you saying...'oh dad..I'll pay my own insurance from now on..'..and therefore extra income for his new family..?...but that situation really shouldn't be manipulated/it's not for her to do so..it's for you and your dad only...anyway, try not to make an 'enemy' of her because of your dad but just try to ignore stuff she says unless it's said to you by your dad...


..with the sex noises thing..:laugh:...I think that would be equally 'ick' even if it was with two actual parents as opposed to a step parent...people always say...'OMG, do my parents STILL do that...'...but it's not much different for parents with grown up children if anything is ever hear....'Jeez, they're BABIES, what on earth is going on...'...:laugh:...I mean you know it happens and are happy that it does but you just don't want to hear it....it really doesn't seem right at all....

This won't be a popular post but doesn't this woman work? Has she contributed financially to all these nice things she has? Maybe he is up to his eyeballs in debt and does need to pull back a little, or maybe she is a gold digger, I agree with you Ammi she is not going the right way about it and shouldn't really be mentioning it to his kids, but for me it's a difficult one to judge without knowing both sides of the story.

Interesting. Do you think the reason you didn't get on at first was your fault - resentment? Too immature?

i agree Cherie, in part, she is also letting them know the true situation.

she must be feeling very frustrated.

Economising - like charity - begins at home, and I recall Caitlin stating that this 'GF' was not averse to buying expensive non-essentials whilst she was imposing her restrictions on the father whenever it came to spending on his children.

It seems to me that the GF is being very 'selective' in deciding where the father's expenditure needs to be cut, and in targeting his children, I believe that she is - consciously or subconsciously - 'killing two birds with one stone', in that she is hurting his children, and also demonstrating to them that she --not them or their mother -- has the real power over him.

There is not enough information to be able to offer qualified opinion but I think this woman is very insecure, and jealous of the father's relationship with his children because they are a permanent 'bridge' to the estranged wife.

I also strongly think that when another person - male or female - becomes involved with an estranged parent, then that person must assume 'secondary' parent responsibilities, sensibilities, and attitude, where the estranged children are concerned, and should therefore be prepared to deal with any behavioral problems in those children which may be borne of 'jealousy' or 'resentment' or feelings of being 'replaced' by the new partner in the affections of their estranged parent.

Buying expensive junk when telling the estranged children that their father can no longer afford to buy them things is not the way to 'win over' emotionally confused and distrustful children, and the fact that Caitlin has no problem with the mother's new partner would suggest that the GF is the real 'problem' here not the children.

It seems to me that this woman has a mindset that she has a relationship with the estranged husband only, and regards his children as an unwanted 'complication' which she cannot totally ignore but has no real intention of accepting and trying to solve.

It is not made clear from the original post how old the father is or whether this 'GF' is younger than him, but I believe that the father is, or is at least approaching, 'middle age' and if so, then thought should be given as to just what this poor man must be going through - never mind his GF.

He maybe experiencing that vaguely titled but all too real phenomenon that we call 'mid-life crisis'; that stage in our lives when we realise that we are not infallible, that we can't 'leap over buildings' or 'outrun a speeding train' as we thought in our youth. That stage, where we realise that when it comes to dealing with all life's crap that we are ill-equipped and haven't all the answers - if any.

On top of this, he is having to live with the humiliating fact - conscious or subconscious - that he is a failure - at least as far as his marriage is concerned, and by what we know, also financially.

Is this new GF helping him to address this issue in any constructive way? Is she hell.

She is humiliating him in front of his own family by broadcasting his failures, and if she can do this then you can bet your life she does the same in front of his friends.

I find it highly significant that he allows her to do this, and I believe that this poor guy might be so depressed and 'down' that he is losing any fight he may once have had and is capitulating to a domineering bitch.

You all know, that as a writer, I like to refer to the truth in films and plays to illustrate certain points,because I truly believe that stories are - as Robert Mkee says - 'metaphors for living', and I remember a TV play about a middle-aged man who was undergoing a 'mid-life crisis' - stuck in a rut, a loveless marriage, etc.

There's one brilliant scene where the guy is alone and driving in his his car, when he passes a leggy young hitchhiker but sees her too late and pulls up about 20 yards down the road. He waits, and waits for her to run towards the car to accept his lift, but she just stands there 'hand on hip'. The guy then actually reverses his car right back to her and then - and only then - does she get in the car.

Absolutely brilliant writing which says everything without saying anything.

This younger girl was completely and arrogantly demonstrating her power over a middle aged man who was undergoing a 'mid-life crisis'.

I don't know how much of my summising is 'on point' Caitlin, but I will say, that sometimes the child has to become the parent, and this does appear to be one of those times, so my advice would be speak to your dad in private, and to take an approach which says:

"Dad, I love you, but I'm not a kid anymore and I know enough about life to know that you're suffering. I know you've got money problems dad, but you're GF is not doing anything to help you solve them by buying expensive crap you don't really need. And she's not endearing herself to us by showing you up and trying to make you look small in front of people by lecturing you about what you can and can't spend money on or who you can spend it on. You need to have a word with her in private dad and tell her not to broadcast your private affairs in public. She may not always love you dad, and may not always be your GF , but we will always love you dad and will always be your children."

I hope this helps.

Do you rely heavily on your father for money?
If my daughter said she had no money for heating I'd want to help out, but then I'd think...'hang on' why don't you have money for heating?

I believe that there are a lot of ordinary, honest, hardworking people in this country Kiz, who have full time jobs, do not smoke, take drugs, gamble or even drink, who still cannot afford to eat 'proper' food or turn on that central heating.

The fault is not in them but in a system which ultimately and always fails those in real need.

This is the way it has always been, and always will be.

Before just 'doshing out' money to them, I would - as you rightly say - question any of my kids who professed to not being able to afford to use their heating, as to the reason(s) but I would never, ever, let anyone try to prevent me helping my children in times of need, while ever that person doing the lecturing was buying unnecessary crap - no matter what my financial situation was like.

It would also 'stick in my craw' were I to lecture my children on the needs to budget and make sacrifices while ever my selfish partner was placing yet another 'just purchased' £50.00 vase on my window sill.

With apologies to Brecht; "Children first, then Girlfriends".

Hmmmmm. I had a stepfather for over 25 years, he used to beat my mother, she always went back to him. Love can be weird.
Anyhow..when she was ill and dying he really looked after her, then when she popped her clogs we discovered he was knocking off my brothers fiancée whom he later married. Nothing quite like keeping it n the family:shrug:

Hell Smudgie - my family has its share of 'jerk offs' but this????? Why that's a whole 'Jerry Springer' show all in itself. :joker:

wow... just wow. I actually went 'holy ****' in my head, because this is literally bang on point.

thank for that. I really really appreciated this.

Brilliant

Thank you again for the beautiful advice... It means a lot! You're always good with this stuff :love:

ugh that's awful. sorry to hear that, I didnt know that about your mother

:hug:

Partly definitely. I had quite a bit of resentment. But he was also a twat, which I think he'd admit to as well. Neither of us were to blame tbh, it was just one of those things, we didn't do anything to help the situation.

But we can laugh about it now. I hope. :laugh: