Advice plz (Update...)
 

Right, I'm sure a lot of you are aware of the fact that my dad has a gf who he is marrying (tomorrow, welp) and I'm still upset about it, but if it makes him happy, then I'll just have to get over it. But it's come to my attention recently, that she's been saying nasty things to my sister (who moved to his house a few days ago) and she's also been saying nasty things about me.

The next time I see my dad, he'll already be married, so I really don't know what to do. She's been telling my sister things like 'your sister is selfish and bossy' and 'you know your dad can't afford to look after you when we move to america' and loads of other little things. She doesn't work and my sister is looking for a job while she stays at my dads house, so it's pretty much just them two alone in the house until my dad gets back from work.

My dads gf has put up 'HOUSE RULES' in the house, because they are getting married in the states and she thinks my sister will be throwing parties and all this. When I was saying by to my dad on friday, I got annoyed and said 'Look, what kind of people do you think we are? We have never once thrown a party.' and my dads gf looked at me like I ****ing punched one of her cats.

My sister has to ask my dad and his gf permission if she wants to have one of us over. It's so pathetic. One of the rules even says 'NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN OUR ROOM', which is stupid because it's where the bathroom is.

Anyway, all that is pretty irrelevant. I just got stuck in rant mode.

Do you think I should mention to my dad that his gf has been saying really nasty things to my sister about my family? With the type of person that she is, I think she wants to have a big fall out, but shall I ask my dad about it anyway? My sister would be home at my dads house, so I wouldn't want her to feel guilty.

What would you do? I'm really unsure about this. This woman always has ulterior motives. I don't know if she's saying these things because she wants there to be a big fall out.

Sounds like your sister knows the stuff she's telling her about you is bollocks. Surely the gf knows that too right? Does she see you as a threat towards getting in with your Dad or something?

She's a really selfish woman who wants my dad all for herself. So much so, that this summer when my dads contact ends and when he goes back to the states, she wants to go to a place where we have no family and friends. She more or less told my aunt last year that she doesn't like us and doesn't want my dad to spend time with anyone other than her.

His gf said all that KNOWING that my sister would tell me. I mean, who wouldn't tell their sister something like that? But now I want to know whether or not to tell me dad. She is a master manipulator as my aunt and I call it. She knows exactly how to get my dad to feel sorry for her. Now that they are getting married tomorrow, I only imagine it will get worse.

I think you should be upfront about it, like speak to your father and her like you're having a house meeting so you can sort everything out before it goes too far if you know what I mean.

Ah ****, if they are getting married very soon then maybe she wanted you to kick off so she could play victim and accuse you of wanting to spoil the whole vibe?

If you are going to say something to him then going in all guns blazing will play right in her hands. If you maybe pull him aside and say like 'look Dad, this isn't about you and her. You make your choices and I support you in what you do so please don't look at this like I'm trying to cause trouble but the things she's saying about me[list them] I don't like it Dad it's not fair on me. I want you to be happy and all that but I don't want my name dragged through the mud for no reason.

:umm2: That is a horrible situation, kind of similar to mine, my mother is engaged to a man-child at the moment and I can't stand him, he doesn't like any of our family and he's really creepy, his family are all mental and they just give my mother stress all the time but she is blind because she loves him, even though a few times he broke up with her because his sister told him to. :bored: My mother and him are in their 50's but they have no common sense. I've told my mother all of this and she didn't listen, she doesn't care that we are trying to help her see him for who he truly is. Anyway I think it's a bit different in our situation because none of us really depend on her and haven't for a few years.

I really think you should tell him though, if he's marrying someone he should know all aspects of her, it's only fair, even if he doesn't take it on board straight away he'll probably realise you were right when she does something unforgivable. I think it's way more complicated taking the wedding into consideration though. :S

:worship: I agree with this.

Thank you, I was going to say something like your last paragraph in the first place.

I just don't know whether to do it or not, because she's probably wanting me to cause a fuss.

Now I wont lie, but if this was a year ago, I'd have kicked off, gone mental blah blah blah... I've grown up a lot in the last year and now I'm just wondering what to do.

I honestly hate this bitch so much. She's a compulsive liar and I hate that she's trying to take my dad away from us.

Thanks Jess, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through something similar. It really sucks, doesn't it?

The wedding is tomorrow. They only told us pretty much two weeks ago and she knows fine that it was better to tell us with next to no warning.

Your dad has to take some responsibility for that too though, at the end of the day we're all responsible for our own actions and if he's letting his financé interfere with his relationships with his children then that falls solely on his shoulders imo What age is your sister btw? Like is she still in school and that?

I do agree with that. He's just totally blinded by love (and manipulation)

My sister is 18, but she has a lot of mental health issues atm. My dads GF knows that, which makes it even worse.

This is what I think she is banking on.

It's tough though, in one respect you got one day till she's got a ring on your a Dad's finger but on the other hand any sort of trouble and she will use the classic victim card 'look at her trying to spoil our big day, she hates me and doesn't want us to be happy'.

Do you have to say something tonight? Are you hoping it will stop him marrying her? Those are just questions by the way I'm not saying you shouldn't say anything now I just wanna see what you are looking at getting from it cos I'm a bit worried about using the wedding as a victim card.

my advise... for what it's worth?

If you try to confront your dad before the wedding, what outcome are you looking for??
I think it is highly unlikely that your dad will stop the wedding at this point, or that he will see the girlfriend in the same way you see her. If he hasn't realized it yet, he is not ready to see the truth. Denial is a powerful thing.

Is your sister old enough to fight her own battles regarding the house rules and living with the gf and dad? If she were 12 and under, I would say then it is within your rights to jump to her defense, but if she is able to give your dad a first hand account of the situation and how it is affecting her, then you need to support her in having those hard talks with your dad and not try to fight her battles.

In regards to the gf saying horrible things about you, as long as it isn't changing anyone's opinion of you, like your sister, dad, or any other family member, don't rise to it. The gf is probably trying to get you to kick off and cause an argument with your dad so that she has more ammunition against you. Name calling and accusations suck, but if they are not believed by those around you that you care about, they can't really harm you.

It sounds like you have already had conversations with your dad about the gf, and that your perspective has not been received well. It will not go any better for you to confront him the day before the wedding, and it may do irreparable damage to your relationship with your dad.

So I guess my opinion is you shouldn't confront him the day before the wedding. It will probably get worse when they are married yes, but your dad is an adult who is allowed to make decisions for himself, even if they are not great decisions. You also get to make your own adult decisions, and part of that is realizing, we can't control another person's actions, only our own.

oh god no, there's absolutely no point in saying anything tonight. I won't even bother. She probably wants that from me anyway.

but I'm debating about saying something to him quietly when he gets back.

thank you all though for the advice, I really appreciate it :love:

Are you going to the wedding?

No, it's in America. She didn't want us to be there. Not that I would go anyway.

Ugh, my sister just text me saying that their neighbor has gone to check in everything twice today. She even walked in on my sister in the shower. She's 18 ffs she can bloody take care of a house.

[gf has put up 'HOUSE RULES' ]

try to respect them.

Get advice from others in the same problem
on here

Disgraceful woman. Even if I didn't like someone's kids I'd still make sure they would come for the partners sake.

I feel for your Dad that he's caught between his own children and the woman he now loves but part of me harks back to what Niamh said earlier. He should be putting his foot down. She's too domineering.

oh. my god.

Yesterday I posted on my dads FB wall telling him about Liverpool winning and somehow, the post has MYSTERIOUSLY disappeared... what the actual ****.

But this is common place

Ah well that makes it alright then, that's me told. :umm2:

If I was you I would just try to limit my interactions with her. You're always going to be your dads daughter, she can't change that, no matter what she says or does. The less you're around her the less she can say about you. I would just say to your dad that you would prefer to do stuff with him on your own as you don't get to see him alot so you'd like to have quality time with just him when you do. I don't think there's any other way to go about it that won't cause some sort of an argument or make your dad feel like he has to "pick a side"

When it comes to your sister because she's actually living with him, I think her best bet is to sit down with your dad and talk about the "house rules" with him and see if they can't come to a compromise but at the end of the day it is his house so she has to live by the rules he puts forward

Why has your sister moved in with them? If it were me I would leave it for now, wait until the dust settles and speak to the gf directly, you will never resolve issues by going through a third party as what gets said can be misinterpreted and skewed, getting your Dad involved should be a last resort. If I left my soon to be 18 year old son alone I would want one of my friends to keep an eye on him :shrug:

I've asked him about spending time with just him before, because that's not a nasty thing to do and he hasn't listened. She HAS to be there with him every minute he's not working. I manage to meet him after work sometimes, but he never stays long because she calls him and is like 'omg are you okay!! so worried!!!!' when really, she just wants to see what he's doing and who he's with.

Well there's not much else you can do then, he's a grown man and if he can't give you some of his time on his own then it's his fault imo

This bitch needs a hard smack.

She's already had one. When my sister was admitted to hospital late last year and my dad took her, a random man came to the door at my dads house an punched my dads gf in the face... Apparently.

:omgno: What? For no reason?

yep...

:clap1: Clearly a good judge of character.

Or the woman trying to turn the attention back to herself?

I think you need to confront the issue in some way.

You're holding resentment against your step-mum and rightly so (she sounds awful), so if you keep bottling your emotions up then there's a possibility that you'll end up exploding and doing/saying something you regret (unless you're totally not that person).

I wouldn't do it straight away because it may reflect badly on you that you're confronting the issue so near to their marriage ceremony, but maybe if you wait a couple of weeks and try tell your dad how you feel then it will go a bit smoother.

As long as you're being completely honest and not saying anything purposely hurtful nobody can vindicate you.

I really hope things get better for you because I know how annoying family issues are. They're not like other things you can shrug off and eventually forget. They're with you for life, and can really impact your life negatively.

But it's nice that you talk about it on here. A problem shared is a problem halfed.

I would live and let live. What people say about you behind your back is none of your business tbh.

My uncle left my auntie for a younger woman, had four kids with the younger woman and then 10 years later it finally ended when he found out she was cheating on him. He's a rich man, she essentially had four insurance policies with him, by all accounts she's not much of a mum - nannies this and babysitters that. He abandoned my cousins (then aged 14 and 12) and wasn't there for them, would just deposit money in their bank accounts every so often and fight with their mum. Now that his fancy piece has left him he's popping back up in their lives.

The lesson I take from that is that your dad has fallen for someone who is exciting and new - she is part of his healing process in getting over the break up with your mum; this new woman can more or less do what she wants to your dad and his life because he's just wanting to put the past behind him at the cost of his future. I don't know why your sister has chosen to live with him instead of your mum; I think she's made a poor choice and she ought to come home and leave them to it - the three of you will always be your dad's little girls no matter how old you are and, sadly, this woman is going to do her absolute best to isolate him from everyone. One day he'll wake up and realise what she's done and he'll stand up for himself, but that has to come from him - you trying to get him to wake up and smell the coffee is just going to make him turn on you and play into her game, which you already know. By all means tell him that you're worried for your sister, with her issues, and that you think it's important that she's surrounded by people as much as possible - that's about the most you can hint to him that you think he needs to get away from his monster bride, anything else will just play into her victim card.

One thing you could try doing is being impossibly nice to his wife. Give her absolutely no reason to justifiably bitch about you and cut you out. Insist on talking to her in front of your dad and making a huge show of trying to speak to her - that forces her to either be nice to you or openly be a bitch to you in front of your dad; and he will definitely notice that she's not being nice to his kids, it'll be mentally logged and when he does eventually stand up for himself, that'll be one of the main points of contention. He has three daughters, he doesn't need his new partner trying to cut them out of his life - his marriage ended, he still has a family though. Just be glad that you have both your sisters and that whatever you're feeling and thinking, they will be too. Lots of love to you Caitlin xxxxxxxx

I think you're right there.

Thanks, I think you're right. I'm not the type to explode, but a year ago, I would have been. I'm way more mature now and I'm able to analyse a situation before I respond.

I think I'm just going to wait a few weeks (when he gets back, anyway) and then see how I feel then. I truly think she wants a big argument over it.

Sorry to hear your cousins had a similar experience. It truly sucks.

And that's exactly what I am doing... Being impossibly nice. I'm not giving her ANY reason to hate me. She's clutching at straws and I think it really pisses her off that I'm not giving her any reaction. The only thing that she could likely complain about was the fact that I spoke up for my sisters and I when we were told not to have parties or anything like that. But again, that wasn't anything nasty.

I'm just going to keep visiting my dad and be impossibly nice. She can't say anything bad about me then.

Ugh I hate this bitch. She does need a smack.

I would speak to your dad about it.

It sounds to me as though she is a controlling type of person, who is trying to alienate your dad from all his friends and family, so that she will be the only one who is with him.
I doubt your dad would believe you at this moment, because he will know that you don't like her and she will make sure to have told him that you are stirring things up.
It sounds sneaky (but sometimes you have to be) But try getting her alone and telling her what you feel. With a bit of luck she will also reveal her real feelings for you and your sister. If you can get her to confess that her motive is to alienate your dad from you and your sister, so much the better. Just make sure you record the whole conversation on a recorder, phone etc., that she doesn't know you have going at the time.
Best of luck,

Call him. I'd tell him everything before he makes a huge decision tomorrow and ties the know. His gf sounds like an utter bitch.
Either that or get her alone and tell her your feelings
If it all gets a bit too much remember you can pm or vm me <3

What a disgusting cheap woman that she is.. Who the f is she to make "house rules" stupid f'ing waste of space. She really needs to know her place, she is even annoying me and i only read about her 2 pages. If i were you i would be like you need the shut the f up. But logical choice unfortunately waiting couple of weeks.

And send her this link please:

http://38.media.tumblr.com/2b9e9d919...s2y4o1_500.gif

Accidentally knock this bitch down.

Try and get your sis to live somewhere else if possible, her staying there can't be good for her.

I don't think House Rules are that bad a thing tbh. Me and my brothers had them growin up. She sounds like a right annoying bitch On the whole though. You should have privately spoke to your dad about it before the wedding in all honesty.