Can you be gay & homophobic at the same time?
 

The reason I say this is because there's this guy on Facebook who is gay, but he's such a puzzle because he's so aggressive towards other gays and uses homophobic language to describe them. He treats them like crap, pretty much, and I just don't really understand it.

Is it just a defence mechanism or something? Or maybe he's just overly passionate about how gay people *should* be more like him. It's really annoying me though.

Yes you can. Internalised homophobia is a known thing especially within closeted gay people

Of course you can.

Tbh I think I have tendencies of it.

Yeah I've noticed that. It's so weird though! Like there was this guy who I went to school with who absolutely hated my other openly gay friend, and was always homophobic towards him behind his back and felt very uncomfortable sitting near him. Then he turned up at my graduation four years later with his boyfriend!

I'm so going to research this. I'm a psychology freak. :laugh:

Yeah, a lot of gays really annoy me.

Yeah sure look at Emin.....

But really yeah you can I wouldn't say I'm homophobic but overly camp people annoy me. It's a reason why I avoid the gay scene.

I annoy myself when I see myself on video

I can't stand feminine gays. Is that homophobic?

some gays are self hating and have to hate on anything they consider to be "too gay"... also you have the typical belongs on grindr with both "discreet" and "straight acting" perched in the bio :yuk:
not sure if i would call it homophobic tho...

Terms like 'Homophobia' and 'Racism' and 'Sexism' etc etc are waaaaay too overused these days. It makes genuine cases go unnoticed, because someone made one tiny little comment that isn't the most PC.

I say that you're only homophobic, racist, sexist, Xist, if you constantly preach your dislike of someone, based on that one reason.

Anyone can be homophobic. Anyone can be racist. Anyone can be sexist. There's HUGE difference between that, and the one comment though. There are so many people out there who will literally jump at the chance to call someone Xist, because it's not something anyone wants to be. I hate that. You can call someone whatever you like, but don't label them with something like Xist, just because you've heard ONE opinion off of them.

When people throw insults around like 'You're so Xist!!!' it sometimes does more damage than good. It's an insult to people who have suffered true Xism.

Obviously if someone has an opinion like 'PEOPLE WHO ARE X SHOULD DIE' etc etc, then yeah, call them whatever. But when someone says something like 'I hate when gay people do X' then plz... just don't call them homophobic

(hope that made sense. I'm so hungover)

-was confused what xist meant until the last line-

-rereads-

:clap1::clap1::clap1: Superb post - hungover or not. :laugh:

I don't go to pride because I would feel uncomfortable because that's not who I am. I'm not ashamed I just don't feel like I associate with that scene. That might change though.

Yeah I went to pride for a night. Not my thing at all.

lmao Its just easier than typing out racist/sexist/ageist or whatever every time. by X I mean anything... so any of those examples above, if you get me

I used to drag gays to others behind their back before I came out saying stuff like 'its wrong', i didnt mean it obviously, but it was because i wasnt here for being one but im now comfortable and dont care who knows

Only the ones who hate themselves can be homophobic, other gays who accept themselves and love themselves for who they are can't be homophobic imo, judgemental and biased yes, but not homophobic, I'm not a big fan of extremely camp gays, does that make me homophobic? No.

I live for the camp gays <3

idgaf if you're butch or camp, masc or femme, whatever. If you're a decent human being then it shouldn't matter.

From my experience, observations and knowledge from media...


I dont think its homophobia - its a differnt kind of ignorance/narrow-mindedness. I think within the gay community there is a presence of fear with associated stigmatization. Gay men who identify more as masculine (e.g. deep voice, toned bodies, enjoy non-camp activities), "straight-acting", as opposed to identifying more as feminine (e.g. squeaky voice, overly groomed, enjoy camp activities) fear being associated as the latter when they "come out".

Similarly, feminine gays resent other feminine gays
a. for being the same sexuality but not sexually appealing
b. by relating with them and self-resenting
c. through fear that society accepts gay couples where both partners are feminine/feminine least as opposed to masculine/feminine and moreso masculine/masculine couples

can a woman be sexist?
can a black be racist?
can a fat person be disgusted by other fat people?
can an american be anti-american?
can a politician hate the government?

yes.

Russell Tovey vibes.

In all seriousness, you can, however I'm lucky not to be so stupid to be homophobic :p

I think white gay males can probably be the most prejudiced group around. The sheer volume of people who're so openly discriminative under the name of kinks or types is a little bit alarming, and the whole "no fems" thing you see so often just irks me, even if I can understand why it'd play into gender identities we carry in our heads.

A lot of it is internalised homophobia I think - a kind of bargaining that gays who identify themselves as "masculine" will use on themselves as if to say "Yeah I'm gay... but look, guys, I'm not that gay" *points at picture of Louie Spence* And it's hard to see that and not think it as homophobic. And sexist, really, as though effeminacy is beneath them or weak. Jords put it well. I just think the community (I'm not saying LGBT community because I can't speak for the L or T, as much as the G likes to) compartmentalises itself too much and plays off against each other as if they're commodities in a store rather than a group. But then, wanting all gay people to share the same beliefs is obviously naive.

I'm also still conflicted about using the word fag colloquially. That's definitely a context issue rather than an out-and-out social one though.

What a load of bull.

The only people i see typing "no fems" are Fem guys!! they are the ones that only want masculine guys and bitch about other feminine guys not being attractive.

And do you honestly think that straight men don't prefer feminine women over masculine women? so why is it okay for straight men to want feminine women, but it's not okay for gay men to want masculine men?

Gay men preferring masculine men is not homophobic in any sense of the word. because being feminine has NOTHING to do with being gay. so how is that homophobic?

And you bringing race into it, i'm not even gonna bother with that nonsense. You make no points at all that make any sense. i can't even tell you the number of times i;ve heard straight blacks say they only want to marry another black person, or a straight jewish person say they would only marry another jew. but for a white gay man to want to marry another white man, he's racist? kiss my hairy white ass.

Very well put, Shaun!

Well, the guy that I'm talking about posted a picture of a load of people at gay pride in OTT costumes with the caption "I hope all us fags and queers don't end up like this", along with some other stuff that he's posted. It's just quite uncomfortable to read, really!

Redundant post after that over-generalised and very untrue statement. Shall I show you my Grindr? Sorry but there is a strong presence of "not after fem" which can be purely preference but Ive also come to associate it with the fear of greater rejection.

Im commenting purely for the social psychology side of things.

My own preference is the better mix of both masc and fem characteristics and traits.

and have you met those guys that say "no fems" trust me, when you meet them, they are fem themselves, even if they have a pic that makes themselves look like masculine jocks. The minute they open their mouthes they sound like richard simmons.

I've met them. any guy that has "no fems" in their profile, i have learned that they are the most fem guys on the planet, no matter how many muscles they have.

You give me tendencies of it

NO, it's not well put at all, it's totally ignorant, and it's clear that Shaun has not actually met many guys from grindr. and he's clearly not met many of the guys that claim that they are Masc4masc... it's a lie.

It's only fem guys that hate on other fem guys.

and again, i need to ask the question, what does not being attracted to feminine guys have to do with being homophobic? Nothing. gay men are not feminine in general, so how is it homophobic to not be attracted to feminine guys?

Is it HETEROPHOBIC for a straight man to not be attracted to masculine women?

please answer that question.

Omg this is going in my sig

Heterophobia isn't a thing alex

Of course they can be, just look at Craig Coates in BB6 to see that.

I also controversially believe that you can be racist towards your own skin colour as well.

Then neither is homophobia by gay men.

Stop having double standards and put some actual THOUGHT into what you say.

If it's okay for Hetero men to prefer feminine women, then it's fine for gay men to prefer masculine men.

being gay has nothing to do with feminity. only homophobes think that gay men are feminine.

are there some masculine straight women? yes, and most straight men aren't attracted to them

are there some feminine gay men? yes, and most gay men aren't attracted to them.

so what?

"Ive met them" - every single one right? Course Ive met guys. Youre focusing on one 'fem' / 'masc' trait each time. And in this instance - only very physical traits. I was looking at it as a collective.

I am quite aware that there is a push in the gay community to "get the perfect body" - and if youre talking to one of them good luck engaging in a decent conversation :laugh:

I kinda think it is.

I have a gay mate who can get irritable quick with 'straight men' for "having it easy" and even 'straight women' for their ability to pull 'straight men'.

I remember once he got annoyed with my female friend because a bar man chatted her up, and he fancied him - but the bar man was straight so he had no chance anyway!!!

...hes a good guy but can be a dick about things, evidently :laugh:

I think to many idiots are mistaken for 'ists'... :laugh:

That's just jealousy, of course gay people have it harder, it's not heterophoia :joker:

.

Just gonna leave this quote here:

"To discriminate, you need power, privilege, and prejudice." - the only sexuality to have all three of those things would be straight people. So heterophobia isn't real