Have you ever been touched without consent or cat called?
 

It's all over the news so just wondering

I have in clubs and I definitely over looked it and let it go without understanding I was being assaulted. I remember one time I was waiting at the bar in a club and a guy put his hand up my skirt and grabbed my bum, I was mortified but just pulled my skirt down and ignored him but it's happened and I've honestly just laughed it off.

I don't really mind cat calling, it used to happen when I walked to college when roadworks were being done and I just found it odd but never offensive.

do you mean consent?

Think most women and men have at some point in their lives

Cat calling is one thing, but putting your hand up somebody's skirt without consent is wrong on so many levels, no matter what 'era'.

I've cat called years ago, but wouldn't do it now. And nah i never remember being cat called myself :laugh: It was/is more of a man thing to do though, in my experience anyway.

when i saw the headline i thought that things had improved over the years since when i was a lad and things had probably never been better .... then i read the report :skull:

Some girls can be contacted by up to 11 boys a night asking for nude images, the schools watchdog for England says.

In an Ofsted survey, girls explained that if they blocked boys on social media "they just create multiple accounts to harass you".

The report also found nine in 10 girls experienced sexist name-calling or were sent explicit photos or videos.

The watchdog is warning that sexual harassment has become "normalised" among school-age children.

Students often do not see the point of reporting abuse and many teachers underestimate the scale of these problems, Ofsted says.


That's basically out of control

I never get catcalled, no matter how many times I walk past the building site :(

I've had my boobs touched up on public transport. Some men seem to think they are their property. Lecherous gits.

Some dude at a gay club put his hand in my pants while I was dancing. Not even grabbing it from outside, he literraly put his hand in there :skull: Just because it's a gay club doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want.
I wasn't even in a backroom (not that consent in there is not the rule, but it's a different type of energy than the dancefloor itself, if you get what I mean)
So I just told him to get his hand away from it or I would break his wrist.

I was at first, but then thought, nah! This is actually ok.

So I ended up rather enjoying the experience tbh.

Nope never happened to me

Yeah. Some gays are vile!

Groped in bars etc. without consent yes, I've said before it's actually very common (especially at Uni, I found... the Uni Union was terrible for having buttcheeks grabbed by random girls).

Catcalled... I guess similar, maybe? Just jokingly by girls on nights out.

I do maintain though that it's diningenuous to say it's the same for men and women. The groping made me extremely uncomfortable at times but I never felt threatened or at risk and I think that really as to be pointed out as a huge difference. Likewise the "catcalling", I didn't even mind/quite enjoyed that because honestly a group of girls whistling at a 6'2 guy, again, really doesn't carry an element of anything threatening. It's just "banter"/a bit of fun. That said I can appreciate that it would make some people uncomfortable, so not to downplay that.

So yeah that's basically my thoughts on it. It's probably not OK in any circumstance because you can't possibly KNOW if you're going to make someone uncomfortable and making someone feel uncomfortable isn't OK either - but I have to quite firmly point out that there are other effects and implications when a group of blokes is hounding a woman than when it's the other way around. I think it must be VANISHINGLY rare that men find themselves actually afraid in these situations... rather than just a little anxious/uncomfortable/irritated.

But to sum up really; everyone should cut it out, by all means have a laugh with your friends, but when it's a stranger you have no idea how they'll feel or react. However comparing the effect on men and women is a false equivalence.

I have to say there's been a massive improvement from builders, road workers etc. in the last decade or so. It used to be embarrassing to walk past them but things have changed a lot... that's not to say it doesn't still happen.

I do think there are changes very much coming through the younger generation these days, the boys at my daughter's school (11/12 year olds now) can still be as bad as ever but honestly the girls seem to rule that class with an iron fist :joker:. They rally round fast when there's "Inappropriateness" from the boys and it gets nipped in the bud very quickly, which "in my day" frankly just didn't happen.

I think another big change these days is actually just the general awareness that it's "ok to not be ok with it" for men, i.e. the peer pressure element. I think there have always been plenty who didn't like it but in environments like that (building sites) felt peer pressure to join in or at least not to say anything, whereas now people are much more confident about saying "cut it out lads".

Good to hear that about your daughter. Gives my hope for mine!

Agree with the rest of it.

Yes...you dont really hear it anymore...but then i put that down as not looking as good as I used to :laugh:

I was going to say this too.....:laugh:

There is actually some qualitative data that suggests younger girls (as in, 14 - 18) are much more likely to be catcalled "randomly" on the street.

Yuck :umm2:.

I got touched up in a dark room once, I was only going in to have a look and some ****ing freak grabbed me.

…I’m pretty sure that there was a social experiment type show and we had a vid on here at one time with an episode that showed children in school uniform…(…female…)…and some really concerning adult comments…

That's great to hear TS, I think it makes a difference nowadays too that parents in general are more vocal with their children (boys and girls) about what is and isn't OK and that it's OK for girls to shut that **** down and not just "be nice"

…the thing with ‘cat calling’ is that it may not seem so serious but it can have a really long lasting impact because of that association of feeling hugely uncomfortable and stripped of confidence and being made to feel very vulnerable…that type of attention directed at you in such a vocal way and sometimes ‘by a group’ is effectively being publicly bullied….that can have a pretty firm psychological impact that can display through out life in panic attacks situations…it really can’t be underestimated….

for personal experience I would definitely agree with that. Creepy as ****

Kinda on subject for the underage creepy stuff. Back when i was a young teen (around 14/15) we would que in line for many Nightclubs hoping to get in, the girls who would 'tart up' to try and look older and would always get in, us boys rarely did. Anyway, those bouncers knew the girls were underage, but would let them in anyway. Im sure it doesn't happen now, but looking back it's pretty creepy to think a 14 year old girl was most likely getting groped by a 20 something in a nightclub.

Coincidentally i couldn't think of anything worse than going to a nightclub now, showing my age :laugh:

I think SnapChat is pretty terrible too - as the snaps disappear once you see them. My friend at work had problems as her daughter kept receiving unsolicited "dick pics" from boys at school and obviously they disappeared once she opened them. The rise of technology have moved a lot of inappropriate behaviour online and onto the phones. Its scary really how easy it is now to send inappropriate content and hide behind anonymity

:joker:

I've never used Snapchat, and I've noticed more and more people keep using it to send nudes :notimpressed:.

I'm always suspicious when I'm on different sites and I hear people both men & women instantly ask someone for their 'snap' . Some of them don't even sound like real people, they just seem completely one dimensional and thirsty.

I've noticed the same people just seem to go around collecting as many Snapchats as they can , because we all know deep meaningful conversations are happening with all these NOT :rolleyes: .

I think teenagers & kids need to be more careful with these apps.

Yes Clever Humour at that time

Yes USA Clever Humour
at that time.

We're generally quite liberal with tech use here (my eldest is allowed WhatsApp and TikTok and stuff like that) but we did draw the line at SnapChat. Constantly misused.

Yep.

Gay bars in East London are full of feral men.

Yeah. She groped my arse and argued my trousers were too low and that anything visible to the public was public property or something. She was tipsy and I laid in to her. It was like ten year ago. I’d like to think that she doesn’t still believe this.

Yeah you get to realize this in hindsight and don't realize right away some of the things that happen aren't totally OK because you want to fit in. Can't believe I used to go there at 17 and thought all of this was perfectly fine :skull: The "bear" ones are the best, the other not so much I felt like.

I have actually although I didn't think anything of it, I was 19 I think and a woman probably in her 50s started grabbing my arse at a bar

Generally I feel very lucky to be a man and not have it as something that I ever really need to worry about

Not woke cancel culture trying to cut out groping too?

Pretty sure we can all agree groping is never on, no matter which side you're on, if any.

All manner of things that most decent humans would never say was on, is being dismissed as wokeness these days, so what's the difference?

Well you made the thread before asking what 'wokeness' actually means, we can all have some form of opinion, but ultimately it's not really a word i tend to use, or take very seriously. All i can say is a woman, or man, being groped is pretty revolting and as you say any decent human being knows this.