Ah maaaan forever messing up!!!
 

Just ruined it, again. Drunk outta my nut. Have my daughter Sunday now. The ex found out i have court on the 20th (nothing bad, but i am a dummy, seems i love trouble). So she's fighting me, as ****ing per...

Don't these people see i act out BECAUSE i want her?? FFS. Last time was so nice.

She doesn't fight me on the £500 for Xmas and Birthday's....

Anyway, venting to no one, i've shagged 4 different women in 4 years, im no pimp. One stayed around. But back in 2015 i met a girl at NXT, and we have been "mates" ever since. This ex of mine is just fkcing me over ALL TIME because she said i cant have any other women around, when my daughter is here. Nothing i can do......

My daughter text me and said she loved me. She knows her mum is bitter because i left here!

What age is your daughter? I don't think its helpful for you to use her as an excuse for getting into trouble with the law Swan, it should be the other way round really if you really want to be able to get proper access to her.

Swan your a good guy but you need to sort yourself out!

You need to cut down on the drink at least stop getting wasted

The time you spend with your daughter should be just the two of you and you should not have women that you have been seeing for a short time while there

It’s understandable why your ex is giving you a hard time because you are not setting a good Example

Your past and how you grew up isn’t helping you in living a better life

What’s going on between you and your ex will be hurting your daughter

It may feel like I’m jumping on you but sometimes we all need a friend to tell us what we don’t want to hear.

Always here for you swan

This is the problems having kids

If you split up you still have to speak to the ex every week

If you dont have kids and split up you never speak or hear from your partner/wife ever again

Agree with the others here. Swan, you have an opportunity now to repair and rebuild your relationship with your daughter so you need to concentrate on that. Your ex is not being an arse not wanting other women around her, she's being a mum at least in these early stages.

Enjoy being with your daughter and being the best dad you can be, everything else will sort itself out

Yes, cut down on your drinking.
It's ok to have fun, but don't go over the top.

Echo all the above, if your ex got with another man you would feel the same you need to concentrate on your daughter, unless you have someone special in your life you should not really be introducing her to randoms

Exactly, and it sounds like you don't have her a lot, so why would you even want others around anyway? You should be making the most of that precious time just the two of you

I'm in no position to judge, so I wont.

I'm always here though if you want to vent at someone when drunk though. Keep your daughter close pal, and dont drink when you have her.

This is why I use surrogates for my kids

I do get what you're all saying, im not really a good Dad, i admit that. I don't how to love her how she needs it? No idea if that makes sense?! I try, she tries. Like we'll snuggle and watch films. I wouldn't say awkward, like she'll put her socks on when i tell her to. I cook, we eat. I do hate her mother, like her mother hates me. Maybe is shows.

And people say her mother is decent, she really isn't.

You don't have to do much to be a good dad....just be there with and for her. The easiest way to deal with a crazy ex who will use the child as a weapon is to toe the line. The more time you spend with your daughter and the older she gets she will be able to make her own decisions but until then if mum has custody you need to try and seem as willing as possible to do what she wants. If you don't spend loads of time with your daughter it will feel awkward but the more time you invest, the rewards will come.

Im sure you are a great Dad...your daughter would not be texting that message to you otherwise.
Your ex will look for any excuse it seems for you not to see her so dont give her any... Tbf if you have been separated for more than 4 years its a bit unfair that your ex would not expect you to have a girlfriend with you at some stage...No doubt she has maybe been on dates :shrug:
But you do need to sort out the drinking especially as its getting you in trouble because thats the sort of thing that will stop you from seeing your daughter..:hug:

A mother not wanting a stranger around her daughter is perfectly acceptable

Is your ex a good mother to your daughter?

He is hardly going to drag some random stranger off the street to spend the day with his daughter....:hee:

...and has she met anyone since you split up???

That has nothing to do with the situation I’m afraid

He had sex with someone while his daughter was staying with him and she heard them

It is if she is doing the same thing...:shrug:

If she was doing that swan would of said

Tbh Swan there is no such thing as the perfect parents, we are all learning on the job every day, so don't put yourself down, you are streets ahead of alot of men by the sounds of it, you just need to concentrate on your relationship with your daughter and try and forget about any other outside influences ...giving her time is the main thing ...above giving money or material things

That's true.
We all make mistakes. :blush:

This.

I'm no expert on parenting and relationships, but only try to drink in moderation.

yes but its like telling someone with anorexia (not saying swan has drink issues) "well what i like to do is eat three square meals a day"

yeah thanks for that

Too true.:laugh:

Even if he had drink issues he can get help anyone can

New borns are not born needing alcohol

yes because that is what all addicts seek, is help

oh wait

no it isnt

:skull:

Not all addicts but many do.

its a tiny, tiny minority

Sorry i ignored this thread, probably too ashamed really, Truth being, i am a nightmare when drunk, i do have issues. Im not a great dad, but i do try and i do love my daughter. I NEVER drink when she's round. Might have the odd whisky when she's asleep as a nightcap, but that's it.

Her mother DOES have a bf, been with him for 18 months. Yeah, her mother tells me i shouldn't have a woman round when i have my girl. Fine, that's fair honestly. But im only human, i wanna keep a potential gf happy. I also want my daughter happy too. She's the main person. She's who really matters to me.

People asking about her mum? Her mum is a ****ing nightmare, not a bad mum, but as a person, she's ****. Cold. Selfish. I wanted a child, she never did. Best thing i ever did was leave her. I would come home from work, she'd be sat on her arse all day, i was expected to cook for us all, even do the washing. She sat, and smoked, and expected the world. BUT, i was no angel either, don't get me wrong. Late home, other women etc. So yeah.

Anyway, i actually have my daughter tonight, she's just had her bath and played a bit of fortnite. We're gonna snack and watch a film now.

Is the breakup recent? ...did you say 4 years?

I mean I'm trying not to judge but really just to be blunt, if you guys split 4 YEARS ago and it wasn't an actually abusive relationship, you need to sort your **** out and learn to be civil to each other for the sake of your daughter.

Things being raw/painful in the aftermath of a breakup is inevitable for months, even a year+ but 4 years? Can you not both move on? People change a tonne in 4 years, you're practically strangers.

I understand what you're saying, it's at the point where our daughter is becoming old enough to notice the bollocks between myself and her mother. Im no angel, i'm just above "useless". It's not fair on the girl!

I HAVE moved me on, but because i was unhappy in the relationship at the time, i was staying away from the home as much as possible. Late working. Pub. Any excuse to not go home to her demands and misery.

She is the one holding the grudge because i ended it.. I was an arsehole, but i try and be civil with the mother, it's hard work.

No SB, we share a child, who we both love, we'll never be strangers

Swan is there a part of you that still loves your ex and if you could change what happened you would ?

Maybe, i'll always feel something for her. We share a child together. I would have loved to stay with her for my daughter's sake. But it was too much for me in the end. I had to get away from her mother.

I would take back some of the "im working late" bollocks maybe. Changed the "i might be home late, don't wait up as im helping a mate" crap. But i wasn't happy with the mum. Sex was cold. She tried, i tried, but forcing yourself to love someone you don't really love is a difficult way to live.

(my daughter fell asleep 40 mins into the film bless her, about her standard)

Hey at least you're above the level of myself and LT.:hehe:

Jk LT, you know that I think you're a solid member really.

Obviously Swan I hope that you and your ex are able to at least be more civil with each other in the future, for your Daughter's sake more than anything else.