Relationship advice
 

A friend of mine has recently told me she used to have a crush on me I have feelings for her what should I do

Does she still have a crush on you?

Go for it, never fear rejection, it happens to all of us in life, seize the moment.

Lewis I spent ages talking to you about this at your request by pm. You concluded that you just wanted to be friends.

I'm not sure but why admit that she used to If those feelings aren't there

It’s best to talk to her about it.

It’s good to get different perspectives on things.

Ask her out on a date. Woo her.

If she rejects you then, so what? Don't take it to heart. Just see it as a dropped stitch in life's tapestry.

Do not ignore me!!

You asked my advice about this by pm and in the end you said very firmly that you wanted friendship only.

??

I'm not sure though

The average relationship doesn't last that long in modern UK society.

Attraction only goes so far. It's about whether you can stick it out in all the mundane parts of life.

Like I said. It’s best to have a few perspectives.

If you want to see if she still has a crush on you, then ask her. The only way forward is communication with her.

If you’re not willing to speak to her then forget about it.

Sigh. I've already told him all this, I spent ages talking to him about it, cos I care. I told him not to leave her hanging? He said they'd mutually decided to be friends only.

This thread does not make sense.

Sorry Kate

Do you think she still feels the same? The only way forward is an open honest conversation but you need to decide if you are willing to risk the friendship moving forward. If it doesn't work out, could you retain the friendship.

Relationship advice
 

True enough ..

Me and the missus have been together 48 years !!

Married for nearly 45 years


When people ask what’s like being coupled up for practically half a century - I just say

“ Well we’ve had some great years … … 1992 , 2004 and 2017 ..”

The main reason I'm frightened to say anything is that I don't want to risk losing the friendship

I give up.

You said you'd both decided to be friends. You shouldn't seesaw. It's not fair.

He who hesitates, masterbates.

Trust me, I know that to be true.

A lady likes to be wanted, even if she knocks you back first time, she'll still know you're there and interested, and you won't be out the contest.

Females are probably more insicure than us males when it comes to dating. Look at all the makeup they have to put on just to feel attractive.

Play it cool and ask her out, and treat her to a good night.

Skirt around the subject to gauge her response.

If it's not worth risking the friendship...there's your answer
I would say you think more about the friendship than a possible relationship.
Talk to her though...work it out together

Maybe I haven't been very fair to her

That's not true.

How

What is your current relationship with her?

Are you close as in going to the pub with her once in a while or are close as in talking everyday, maybe even going on holiday together?

Talking every day she's one of my best friends

I’m sorry but grow a pair
She is better off not being in a relationship with you because you can’t think for yourself

Women want men not weak men who can’t make basic decisions
When she is in a relationship she won’t want to know you anyway so that friendship that you seem to value so much will be long gone

The truth hurts so get used to it.

Then don't rush it. Just do things together and go places together and enjoy your friendship.

If it's meant to be, it will happen.

Treat her good and make her laugh and that's all you can do.

But don't threat about it. Just enjoy.

We can't tell you what to do, we all do things differently. You have to do what you gotta do at the end of the day.

….this has to be your decision ….maybe one thing to look at as well is that she didn’t say ‘I’ve always had a crush on you…’….or similar wording, it was ‘I used to….’…it isn’t necessarily something that she’s feeling in the present and there’s obviously also context to her saying it…?….so what Glenn has said is something that you need to clarify in your thoughts…if you’re thinking of acting on the words said, Lewis…if you’re feeling a strong romantic attraction to this friend…?..then obviously you need to look at your own feelings first and then the person to talk to is your friend, if that’s what you decide…

Just tell her you want a f7ck buddy.

Yeah
The truth is always best

LOL

I think you know in your heart its probably best to stay friends, not worth losing a friendship over and given your indecision as well that should tell you what you need to know

Sorry for wasting everyone's time

…it wasn’t a waste of time but I think often when we ask/question these things, we already have the answer ourselves…:love:…

It's best to stay friends she just told me she sees me as a little brother now

…yeah, she told you that she used to have a crush on you …(…past tense…)…which feels to me as though she’s feeling that she can reveal that openly now because your connection has moved to a much deeper friendship…and that’s a great place to be with her, eh…?…

If only she wasn't so shy to start with

Now I don't want to bring you false hope because if she is really, fully telling you there's no way it's ever going to happen then you should listen to that. However.

#1 "I used to have a crush on you" is a lot of the time someone telling you they have a crush on you, in a "safe" way that sidesteps the fear of rejection.

#2 "I just see you as a little brother now" is 50/50 honestly it could be a flat out rejection, it could be (as weird as it is to say it lol) flirting.

Depends entirely on the vibe but if you can't read the vibe and you are interested you need to have a "no hold barred" conversation where you're honest about needing clarity.

I agree with people saying if you ultimately care MORE about the friendship and are only "having your curiosity nudged" by the idea of more then DO NOT go there as you most likely will ruin the friendship, because if you're just "curious", you're not actually all that interested. If however you now have genuine feelings for this person and think a relationship could work then I say it's worth finding out because frankly, the friendship is now under the shadow of that anyway, it's never going to be a purely platonic friendship. You need an answer either way.

Also don't listen to the bitter-boys trying to tell you that long-term relationships are "impossible these days/don't happen", almost everyone I'm friends with over the age of 30 is married or in a long-term relationship. It depends what circles you run in, I guess. People who have struggled to hold onto relationships will try to tell you that it's "simply not possible" but it's mainly to alleviate their own regrets and loneliness -- "it's not my fault, it's society!!" etc.

@Quantum Boy

Who are these bitter boys? Why are you calling them bitter?

Post was going so well until you started insulting people!


So can you clarify who these bitter boys are and why you are calling them bitter in this thread please

Parm no one on this thread has given any kind of advice like that. I took his comments to mean the type of Andrew Tate following/Manosphere/Incel types that are rampant online these days

Nah, it's a dig at Alf, for sure.(post 7)

Like you know, an insult, an insult towards another forum member. But you do you eh.