Top Secret: Basildon Virtual Day Trip
 

Highly Confidential

I am posting an early notification of a planned day trip to see Mr Paul Clarke in his natural habitat as an international car door designer.

After the resounding success of our last virtual outing, I suggest we draw on our experiences in Hadley Wood to iron out as many difficulties as possible before we set off.

On the plus side, we had an excellent team. The collie proved to be indispensable, not so much as a tracker dog, as by keeping Helen occupied whilst we ravished Mr Clarke. How she pampered and preened that lucky pup. Yep, we were ALL smiling on the way home that night!

Although Helen is unlikely to be at Paul's workplace, I think we must accept that he may have devoted colleagues willing to sacrifice their place in the queue for the photocopier just to protect him. Therefore, the collie comes!

Now, last time, the transport was OK, maybe a bit cramped, and if the numbers dictate, we will have to draw lots for places.

I, as trip organiser, am essential to the operation. Certain other key players will need to forward their fivers to me before the 29th to secure their place. Fair play! I know this may seem harsh, but remember that even if we hire a double decker, there are only so many of us that he can cope with. Although god-like in aspect, he is, after all, only human.

One thing we cannot afford to repeat is the shameful hair-pulling, spitting, screaming and fighting. It was not attractive, and really frightened the collie. Accordingly, I will be asking every person on the trip to promise to restrain me if it happens again. I am on medication, but just to be on the safe side.


I need to confirm the date, but Tuesday 9th April is favourite at present. (It seems fairly obvious that Helen's habitual absence from the Lorraine studio on Mondays confirms some synchronised canoodling in Hadley Wood on that day each week, and ROB returns to work the following day).

The following itinerary is only in it’s draft stage at the moment:

We may have to find a new driver, as ROB’s son is still in family therapy following our last excursion. There will be pick up points in the north-west, and in the west and east midlands as before. Those travelling from Scotland need to travel down on the 8th, and those from the Home Counties may wish to make their own way down. We will rendezvous in the car park of the egg packing factory next door by 8.30am. We will then be able to park up the Pop Idol bus inconspicuously. A pair of younger, eagle-eyed virtual trippers will hover outside the Design Company, and appear to be walking the dog.
Any sighting of the Audi Quattro TT in the works car park will be reported to me immediately.
We will keep in touch by SMS only.

IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT ALL OUR MOBILES ARE SET TO VIBRATE ONLY. We cannot afford to alarm our hosts by frenetic audible texting.

Peachy and I will then don our disguises as Svetlana Rolitova and Olga Volga; dignitaries from a government backed trade delegation from Minsk. . Mark, who, as a junior minister from the Department of Trade, will translate and mediate, will accompany us. Our arrival will not be unexpected, as I will already have set up a meeting with their ‘best young designers’ at 10 am. They will have received impressive papers, courtesy of LEE's Desk Top Publisher, purporting to be from Mr Blair himself, encouraging the company to co-operate fully with their friends from the former Soviet Union. Mr Blair’s letter to the managing director, will have enthusiastically extolled the virtue of forging such new alliances.

‘In this way, we can wipe away the final vestiges of distrust between east and west. We can move forward, hand in hand into this new millennium. Here we can sow the seeds of a wholly free marketplace, unfettered by doctrine and dogma, in a free world’

Our visit will be on behalf of an exciting new car manufacturer who is looking for innovative designs. I have intimated that we are looking for a major partnership with the company. Accordingly, the directors should be willing to accede to our slightest whim.

We must progress with great caution. I suggest that we ask to see their design team individually, and as soon as our quarry is sighted, we must tell the directors that we have found our man. We then request that he take us to a local hostelry for a working lunch. Should Paul show any signs of recognising Peachy and I from our previous trip, we will explain that this is because we were both members of the Gold medal-winning shot put team from the Barcelona Olympics. We will then, of course, offer to give him our autographs.

As soon as we leave the building we must entice him on to the bus, (which has of course been re-sprayed to avoid recognition) and drive sedately away. It is important that we return him to the company in good order well before rush hour, so that he can avoid the worst of the traffic on his journey home to Hadley Wood.

The details of how we deal with Mr Clarke in the intervening period are still to be finalised. We have a finite period of time and we must use it wisely. You will perhaps be relieved to learn that my close personal friend, Tommy Lee Jones, has to agreed come along to wipe all memory of the proceedings from Paul’s mind if he feels we go too far.

With luck, our mission should be complete by 16.00hrs. We can then make our way north in good time, and be home in time for a good night’s sleep.

I need not remind you that the success of this covert operation is entirely reliant on your continued discretion and absolute confidentiality.

Trust no-one.

Anyone interested in the trip should leave their names below, with full details of any special attributes or skills they possess.

Count me in, ROB :dance:


I'll bring binoculars and plenty of ginger beer!!!!!:spin2:

Can the gorgeous Will drive the bus? I have his personal mobile number and he would be happy to drive us all, it'll give him a break from all the singing!

I'll be there too, after all someone has got to try to keep you lot in check!! :hugesmile: :shocked: :hugesmile:

:flower:

I will definitely be there ROB. I will book time off work tomorrow. I have 3 days owing to me and may need the extra days to recover!

Roll on April 9th. Can't wait!!

:love:

driving responsibilties
 

I'll drive!!!!!!!!!!!:xyxwave::xyxwave::xyxwave:

ROB - I'm in. Jody is wagging her tail and ready to go. The trauma of her last visit has not deterred her and anyway, my sister has got the tranquilisers from the vet in readiness so she'll be fine. This will not, of course, prevent her from springing into action when needed - she is, after all, Jody the wonder dog and is ready for anything. As I paid part towards the strengthening of the chassis of the PI bus from last time's 'exertions' (Hmmm - say no more) - can that count as my fiver?

Just in case Ms Adams happens to be about I'll bring her my grandmother's special recipe for porridge - my grandmother was Scottish and recipe very top secret - it'll keep H occupied for hours and well out of the way. The sacrifices I make for you guys.

Anyway - plans sound good to me ROB. We'll finalise details nearer the time.

BTW - Will as driver - that'll do for me.
http://www.contrabandent.com/cwm/s/o...py/glitter.gif

Count me in ROB Ill bring the sarnies, an if need be, I can use my skills to take notes. I also possess a long mac and dark glasses:dance::dance:

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE FOR COMRADE OLGA:


Svetlana awaits your commands. Like the rest of the TIBB babes I am ready and willing to follow your lead. I am confident that disguised in our black pin striped suits, black stockings, red lipstick, dark glasses and thick Russian accents we shall pass almost unnoticed into the design office and there is little or no chance of Paul recognising us from our last trip. If he does however, and tries to make a run for it and locks himself in the stationery cupboard I am well equipped to deal with the situation.I have a special pocket concealed in the inside of my long mackintosh. This holds a very neat but effective axe. I can, quite inconspicuously, break down the door and drag him out. I also have a mild sedative concealed in an attractive platinum friendship ring which I wear on my right hand. While you distract his attention I can slip this into his lunchtime drink. This should ensure his co-operation when the rest of the TIBB babes pile in! You're right, we must draw lots this time and avoid all the unseemly pushing, shoving, biting scatching and hair-pulling which went on. It was a little undignified last time and I'll never forget Paul looking at you and me and saying "double-weird" and "It's a nightmare, innit", over and over, almost as if he couldn't believe what was happening, strange that!

I want to come

It will be an enthrwiling experence coz i missed the Hadley wood on

Count me in too :thumbs: the last trip took me 2 days to get over, but it was well worth the effort :colour::colour::love::colour::colour:


And my mobile is on silent mode and at the ready, can't :spin2::colour::love::colour::spin2: wait

Oh My God :shocked:

How double cool and wicked is this! :dance:

It's totally, like, amazing! :hello:

Put my name down please ROB. I've cancelled my holiday plans for that week, and OH may never speak to me again, but, ho hum, that's a minor inconvenience. :laugh:

LEE - is your spare room free that night - you know, the one with the yellow duvet cover and orange blankets. Very cosy, and I loved the 'eau de Paul's hair gel' that you sprayed on the pillow for me - it was lush!

Anyone else want to wear the rubber nurses uniforms this time? :colour: :spin2: :colour:

can i come?
can i come?:hugesmile:

Does this mean that you are not taking up the invitation to go to New York State in the USA to see Bert's old stomping ground and see if you can rescue Ernie from the religious cult that got Ernie to boot Bert out of his home, and then lied to Bert so he ended up despondent in a London YMCA (See "Has anyone Seen Bert" Thread

Anyone can turn up at Basildon and molest an innocent young man, why not accept the challenge, the residents of Bert's street did say they would pay the passage.

You know you could do it if you put your mind to it

:colour::dance:

:dance::dance::dance::dance::dance:

When do we leave?????????? I'm all packed and read to go, go go!:bouncy:

Sticks - you're right, of course you are. Poor Ernie, being dragged off by that religious cult, poor Bert must be distraught. I know that going to Ernie's rescue is the right thing to do so......... call me weak, call me shallow, call me a cab - I'm going to Basildon babe!

Sorry Ernie - you'll have to cope without me.

Comrades,

do not be deterred by the man you know as 'Sticks'. I believe him to be none other than the notorious and treacherous Igor Ruinov!

He knows too much, and must be eliminated. Bert and Ernie are not the first to attempt to escape his clutches. In fact, as Eric Burden told me only the other day - he's been the Ruinov many a poor toy!

Now, back to our trip. I can confirm that I have held top secret talks with Comrade Rolitova and we are currently undertaking thorough investigations in readiness for the momentous day.

Not all the news is good. I am concerned.

Who is this Basildon Bond I am hearing of?

Does he pose an unacceptable risk to the operation? I have tried to find out more, but I am told he may already have been 'written' off. His fate is 'sealed' if he comes up against us, that is for certain. Perhaps we can have him 'posted' elsewhere. He may have a license to kill, but we have a license to thrill!

(Sorry! Visions of Russ Abbott, UUUGGH)

The offers of help received have shown great imagination and commitment to our cause. This is most encouraging, and you are to be congratulated. With such a team, I am confident of our success.

Complacency would however be foolish. Remember, we must remain vigilant at all times.

April 9th will be remembered for generations to come. You will tell your grandchildren proudly that you were there.

Until that day!

Olga, oops, sorry, ROB

Mr Clarke, the day is approaching.............:shocked:

Igor Ruinov died peacefully in his sleep in a hospital in Moscow last year, during BB2 which is why you may have missed this announcement.

If you visit my websites you can see that I am who I say I am. Even my Avatar is a picture of me, and I do not hide behind pictures of BB2 contestants.

Bert and Ernie are not in my clutches. Bert is in your clutches. Ernie seems to have been brainwashed by some religious cult we are trying to identify, and is in their clutches. (Religious cults is one of my specialist subjects)

Grover has arrived at Gatwick and is making his way to see you. He is now hoping if he helps you out with your mission to Basildon, you might fly back with him and rescue Ernie.

Over in the States there has been another distrubing development. One of the other residents, a guy whose first name appears to be Cookie has been reported in the new commune in the house where Bert used to live with Ernie :shocked:

Meanwhile, back in Basildon, Mr Clarke tidies his desk for the weekend. His rubber band ball has been positioned at a perfect right angle to his blotter, and his post-its are strategically placed over the heat ring left by a carelessly placed coffee mug.

He sighs as he picks up a photo of himself and his mates on a boozy weekend in Dublin.

'That was blinding!' he thinks to himself wistfully, before reluctantly putting it at the back of his drawer. 'Only this time last year. Never mind Clarkey, those days are well and truly over!'

He dips inside his briefcase and fishes out the framed photo that Helen had given him only that morning. 'Bless her!' he thought, as he placed it carefully on the desk. 'I nearly forgot about this, and she was so excited when she gave it to me this morning. She must have been watching Blue Peter again!' He blew the pieces of glitter off the desk and sat back to admire her handiwork. 'Actually, she does show quite a bit of flair'.

'Very nice Paul, I particularly like the flowers. nice and sparkly!' said his work mate Elaine, as she walked up and leaned over him short-sightedly to look at the photo, dripping coffee on his shoes as she went.

'Cheers Elaine, thanks a lot!' he said. 'Yeah, sparkly. And Pink. Very pink. She does look sweet though, don't she?' asked Paul, smiling at the photo. Helen beamed back at him, eyes wide and head slightly on one side.

'What's so interesting over here? How's it going Paul?' As the head of design approaches, Elaine scuffles quickly off and Paul smoothly uses his touch sensitive screen to revert to the design he completed earlier.

'I think you'll like this Mike, I think you'll like it!' replied Paul.

'Mmmm, promising, very promising. Keep up the good work!' said Mike, heading for his own office, before turning to add 'Oh, and Paul?'

'Yes mate?'

'Nice picture!'

'Thanks Mike!'

'Welcome to the world of commitment!'

'I'm ready for it Mike. She's worth it!'

'Never thought I'd see the day!' said Mike, laughing to himself as he walked back to his office.
'They all fall, sooner or later'.

Paul clicked back on the TIBB bar at the bottom of his screen.

It had become compulsive reading for him first thing each morning, and again every evening before he left for home. Although sometimes he wished he had not found the site in the first place.

He had to admit that every time he read it, he was flattered. 'It's a bit mad' he thought, 'But, after all, they seem harmless!

Despite himself, he found a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead as he read the details of the virtual trip. They couldn't REALLY be planning this could they?

Just to be on the safe side, Paul decided to act positively, and went to Mike's office and to ask for a day's holiday on April 9th.

'Sorry Paul, I'd love to, but we've got this rush job on, deadline April 12th. In fact I was thinking of asking you in for the 8th'.

'Fair play, don't worry about it' said Paul, feeling rather silly for asking. 'I'll be here, no worries'.

'I knew I could rely on you Paul, good man! You've got that luxury pad to play for after all, haven't you!'

'Very funny mate, very funny!', replied Paul. 'What's the rush job anyway?'

'It's a new contract, very exciting development. I'm only just getting preliminary details in now, but the recommendation comes from the very top. It could be the start of something very big indeed!'

'Cool. That sounds cool! I'll be there for you' said Paul, returning to his desk.

'Good bloke, that Paul Clarke,' thought Mike, as he dialled the number in front of him. 'Glad I went with my instincts and took him back on'.

'Oh Hello! Is that the DTI? Oh good! I've been asked to contact someone called Mark? You are Mark? Excellent! Now about this trade delegation.......'

Meanwhile, returning to his desk, Paul forces himself to leave the TIBB site without looking again. He hums cheerfully as he completes another elaborate paper clip sculpture before closing down the computer for the weekend.

What on earth was he worrting about?
He really must stop reading those sites!

What can I say, except Baggsie a space for me please. :thumbs:

I will bring my flask, binoculars, my camera with the telephoto lens and a copy of my new book on how to make your photos even better. I propose to write to the author to suggest "only attempt photos of lush International Popstars" as a strategy.

I suggest I could fulfill a pivotal role as "specialist technical translator" or something, because did a class in technical drawing at uni and I know the difference between strength, hardness, stiffness and toughness. Well, I think I can remember where I left a book that I can revise it in and I've still got my set-squares. I'll be sure to check up on fatigue resistance while I'm at it in case Mr Clarke needs a little counselling.

I know how he feels!

Normally so accurate ROB, but I suspect today he'll be having one last look at the new Star Wars trailor that is now available online! :spin2:

Sorry can't make this one. I am being recruited as an experts on New Religious movement to try and identify the cult that seems to have sucked in Ernie and now the blue chap, whose second name escapes me, but his first name is cookie. :shocked:

Grover has been to the YMCA and has got the rest of Bert's gear. He is going to send you a hotmail to arrange a meeting with you and Bert. Grover is ready to help you in your Basildon endevour. He is still hoping you and Bert will come back to New York with him to rescue Ernie and Cookie

Comrade Sticks, I am sorry you will not be part of our team.

You must understand that we cannot be too careful. Your overwhelming similarity to Ruinov was damning and may have coloured our judgement.

Your quest is noble. The extensive experience of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder therapy and cult busting you have acquired will equip you admirably for your task. Your skills are far better utilised in this way.

Whilst we seek only carnal pleasure and the shameless subjugation of our quarry.
it would appear that you will be engaged in an act of selfless dedication.

We are not worthy.
Go in peace, Comrade.

Those of us who are still committed to our journey, please submit your cover identitiies to me as soon as possible. From now on, I will only be referred to as Olga,
Peachy is of course, Svetlana
Janette is Tatiana
I see Lee as Ursula and Feefs as Ludmilla.
How about Susie q as Valentina, and Jodie must be Petra, in homage to the first Blue Peter dog.
Discolady should be something a little risque',.... I'm thinking Red Sonja
Miriam is Natalia
Kaz could be Annastasia
Blinkinlovely is Tonya
Abbyindahouse is Marina
BigSister is Katerina

If anyone has been overlooked, please inform me quickly, as papers must be prepared for all of us. Await further instructions, and do not loose sight of our goal.

The awesome and blissfully unaware Mr Clarke.

Supress any feelings of guilt you may have.

I understand that his new bathroom mirror has been designated as an area of outstanding natural beauty.

One so blessed with physical perfection and prowess cannot be allowed to hide from our clutches. He has a duty to share himself with us.

Sleep soundly Mr Clarke. The time is fast approaching

I believe Grover is joining you excursion, and I assume Bert is still on your team.

AH....... I Zee you know me well Olga, Red Sonja calling, waiting zee instructions !!!

Greetings, comrade Olga. This is comrade Annastasia reporting to update you on recent developments.

I am delighted to confirm that our plan to infiltrate the car door design team office has been successful. I commence my duties as temporary Personal Assistant to Mike Simpkins and his team - Paul, Elaine, Harry, Pete and Geoff - on Tuesday 9th April. You would have been proud of my disguise at the interview - tastefully highlighted blonde hair drawn up into a neat bun, rimless designer glasses, smart grey suit with skirt just above the knee, crisp white shirt (just the right amount of buttons undone) and elegant black patent court shoes. They were bowled over and couldn't wait to offer me the position. Nice chap, Mike - wonder how he'll react when I mysteriously disappear after the glorious 9th? :spin2:

As it will be my first day at work, naturally I will have to shadow one of the employees to find out how the department runs (any guesses who I'll choose?) and therefore will be perfectly placed to observe Mr Clarke's every move until you, Mark and Svetlana arrive.

After you arrive, I will whip off my glasses, unpin my hair and let it tumble down around my shoulders, then assist you to whisk Paul off to the waiting Pop Idol bus. :thumbs:

Farewell for now, comrade Olga - our destiny is in your hands. :dance: :colour: :dance:

Greeting and I\'m ready
 

:cat::cat::cat:

Comrade Tonya is ready to assist in anyway she can during this comendable mission. She hopes that, should mr Clarke be injured during the adventure, that she (Tonya) would be able to give full first aid (and mouth to mouth resuitation).
Arrivederci:spin2:

Comrade Tatiana fit and raring to go :dance::dance::dance:

ginger beer and binoculars at the ready!!!!!!!!!

Youngsters???????????
 

Scusi?? Youngsters??:conf:

Any way back to virtuality - does anyone need a lift?? Have time , as TOnya special sainsbury agent, to get supplies......


Tuc crackers and red wing 4 me...... anyone else?

This is exemplary work Comrade Annastasia. When you said you would infiltrate RLE I had not envisaged such an act of derring do on your part. This will not be forgotten.

However, it is always wise to discuss these moves beforehand with the expedition leader to avoid any conflict of interest.

Yours is such an ingenious plan I am surprised I did not think of it myself. In fact, I feel sure I must have mentioned it to you in passing. The pity is, that I could have reassigned my pivotal role on the 9th to Red Sonja, freeing me to observe our quarry at close range and in intricate detail over the next 9 working days. I would have been unstinting, I would not have spared myself any exertion, and would have prepared the most intimate and detailed dossier in the history of post cold war intelligence. As you know, my experience in these matters is highly regarded.

Carry out your role well, Comrade Annastacia, but do not jeopardise our mission by becoming to close to him. I will be watching you very closely indeed.

I have to tell you that I fear one of the colleagues you mention may be from the other side. I have received reports of a counter espionage operation, and I fear that Pete may soon be exposed as a undercover journalist from the Sun.


Your devotion to duty and willingness to belittle yourself by donning a femme fatale persona is admirable but unecessary. He will willingly accompany Comrade Svetlana and I to the bus.

Accordingly I must instruct you to continue wearing the striking brown crimplene two peice purchased from Oxfam, and the statutory 100 denier woollen tights and two pairs of flannel knickers at all time. I am also enclosing two prosthetic hairy warts to affix to your nose.

This is for your own benefit, to protect you from the unwanted advances of Geoff, the 'yellow pages' of Basildon.

We have someone on the inside nevertheless. Excellent progress. Remember, sit, watch, record. You will be contacted with further details closer to the glorious day.

Comrades one and all, be of good cheer. Our task is daunting, but strengthen your resolve. If you falter and consider even for a moment that you are not involved in a worthy endeavour, feast your eyes on pages 70-78 of this week's Hello, not forgetting the front cover, and page 41, the contents page.

We must succeed.

He will be ours. The time is approaching Mr Clarke.

Girls, I know that your upset about what happened with me and Paul on the last trip, but it isn't really fair that I can't come on this one!! I can't see my name, or my code name anywhere:bawling::bawling:.

I thought that me telling you all about the Hello thing would help build some bridges. I promise to share him with you all this time.......honest!!!:devil::devil:

Has Grover managed to connect up with you and Bert ?

Oh Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssse eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!:bawling::bawling:
Please let me come with you!!:dance:

Hello Comrade! Olga Volga here!

You must excuse the delay, but I am only recently returned from an exacting weekend surveillance mission in that most decadent of cities, Paris.

It was necessary for me to remain incognito at all times, and I had to adopt a great many disguises, but I never let our quarry out of my sight. I commando crawled through the daffodils, I sat stone-like as a fountain nymph, whilst Mr Clarke actually sat on my lap. And yes, I WAS that croissant!

I may never fully recover from the sights I have seen!:blush:

A full report has been submitted should you wish to update yourself.

Now, to your role and identity. We have decided that your name is Nadia. Your role is too secret to reveal here. Please engage your decoder and read the personal column of the Cwmbran Times. You will find details of your mission encrypted between the 'meet a mate' and 'pet corner' sections.

Do not fear Nadia. Our mission would not be the same without you. We feared you had been lost when you failed to answer our messages.

Await further instructions!

Mr Clarke, we will meet again soon :shocked:

Grover has ben in touch again. He is still trying to hook up with Bert and the PI bus. He has received details from his associate back home in New York, the Count, on how to dispell curses. Given recent revelations, that might be an idea.

At least it gives Grover something to do so he feels useful. :dance:

Comrade Sticks

Grover and I have held clandestine meetings and he is well aware of his role in the forthcoming mission. The details are far too sensitive to discuss without encryption. He has been asked not to discuss them with you.

As you have ruled yourself out of proceedings, can I ask that you refrain from your use this thread frequency as you may jam transmissions.

:nono:

I am sure your intentions are admirable, and your support for our cause has been noted. Please go about your mission untroubled by concerns about ours. I have everything under control. I am moving in slowly and stealthily, and he will be mine.....ours, ours I mean!
:hugesmile:

I only hope that Chilledbootz - Nadia, has received her call to service in time to purchase today's Cwmbran Times.

Please confirm Comrade Nadia!

Mr Clarke..............11 days and counting..:shocked:

Soz havent been on this site for a while, could i come? I'm only little :wavey: i could be very useful, Please ?

My apologies comrade Olga. I'm back now have had family here all day.

Affirmative about the Cwmbran Times. Bought several copies...........just to be sure!!!!!!!!:thumbs:

Comrades, the hour approaches, and the time has come to break our silence. It will be tomorrow, Thursday!

Even now, global subversive forces are working to thwart us, and the MSN messenger service has been sabotaged on numerous occasions in the past few days.

Then they took out the server. However, we are back!

You will be relieved to know that top secret meetings have taken place between myself, Agent Svetlana Rolitova (peachy) and the legendary Red Sonja (discolady)

A final top secret summit meeting between myself and Agent Rolitova has been held this week.

We cannot fail.

Let me appraise you of our current status:.

TIBB name BVDT name Specialist area
ROB Olga Minister of Love
Peachy Svetlana Ph D in Ecstacy
Discolady Red Sonja Boa/Lust Dust
Janette Tatiana Ginger beer
Lee Ursula Security
Feefs Ludmilla. Flask

Susieq Valentina Dog Handler
Jodie Petra Wonder Dog
Miriam Natalia To be allocated
Kaz Annastasia Double agent
Blinkinl. Tonya Driver
Abby. Marina To be allocated
BigSister Katerina To be allocated

Chilledb. Nadia To be allocated

SLSara Saskia To be allocated
Monie Mishka Disguise/catering



I think it is now time to address you all, with apologies to WS.

I need hardly remind you colleagues, that you are honoured to be with us in our quest.

We are few in number but do not despair.

Remember, the fewer we are, the greater the share of Paul Clarke.

I would not have one more.

Those who have no stomach for this, let them depart, your visa will be made, and your bus fare home will be given. We do not want your company.

This day will be called the feast of Basildon.

We who outlive the day, and come safe home, will in future stand up on tip-toe when the day is named, and rouse ourselves at the very name of Basildon.

We who survive to see old age will yearly invite round our friends to celebrate, and say ‘Tomorrow is Basildon day’.

Then we will strip off our tops to show the marks and say, ‘These wounds I had at Basildon’.

Old women forget, and all shall one day be forgotten, but we will remember what feats we did that day!

Then shall our names be as familiar as household words,

Olga Volga, Svetlana Rolitova and Red Sonja; Ursula and Natalia, Anastasia, Valentina and Petra the Dog.

We will all be remembered for centuries to come whenever people meet, drink and talk of great deeds.

Our story will be passed down by parent to child, and ‘Basildon day’ will never go by, from this day until the end of the world, without being remembered.

We few, we happy few , we band of sisters.

For she who tomorrow stands with me shall always be my sister, no matter how gross they become.

The memory of this day will make them once again young, and vibrant, and full of life.

People who tomorrow spend the day a-bed shall think themselves accursed they were not there,

And hold their worth to be cheap when any one speaks, 'Who was there with me on Basildon day?'


So, let me remind you all. We will pick up at our pre-designated rendezvous points and amass in the egg packing factory car park (Marked A on your exterior map) at .the appointed time. Two agents (already notified) will be deployed, along with Agent Petra, to unobtrusively perambulate the grassy knoll (marked B) immediately behind RLE HQ (marked C).

Please remember to take binoculars for early sightings of the Audi TT, and a pooper-scooper and bag for Agent Petra’s undercover activities.

As soon as our quarry is sighted, contact will be made by texting the message SGA (sex god alert) to my mobile, which will be, of course, on silent mode.

Agent Rolitova, DTI representative Agent Mark and myself will enter the premises, and communication blackout will be established with immediate effect.

We estimate that is will take us 40 minutes to engage in their capitalist foreplay and to isolate our target. Agent Mark will then stand by whilst firstly I, and then Agent Svetlana, develop a closer working relationship with Paul Clarke in the Stationery cupboard marked D on your office plan.

Agent Annastasia has used her time well and has soundproofed the door with ten layers of bubble wrap and a staple gun. Sad to say, it has since been necessary to remove her from her undercover role and send her back to Minsk.

We were given information that led us to believe her cover was about to be blown by the excessive involuntary drooling she experienced whenever she came within 10 feet of Mr Clarke.

Let me assure you she will be given the very best of care during her time in the Gulag of Good Hope, and her name will be added to the roll of honour.

At approximately 12.00hrs Svetlana and I will unobtrusively walk Mr Clarke to the main entrance on the premise of continuing our meeting in the Dog and Duck in nearby Ramsden Bellhouse. It may be necessary for Svet and I to support him at this stage, due to the intensity of our morning negotiations. Agent Mark will walk close behind to ensure that any grasping of door frames and attempts to brace himself by Mr Clarke do not impede our expeditious exit from RLE. Any tell-tale nail marks scratched along the corridor walls will be removed by Mark with Jif and a J cloth.

Once Mr Clarke has been escorted safely to the bus, we will drive to our secret depot on Canvey Island.

During our journey he will have been revived by ginger beer and sandwiches and will meet the afternoons negotiations with renewed vigour.

At approximately 15.00hrs he will be refreshed by a bracing bed bath by myself, Agent Olga, and Tommy Lee will zap all memory of the day from his mind as we drive back to RLE. As we escort him back to the main entrance, he will remember only a fruitful day of international enterprise. He will make his way home, from there to Barnet and on to Hadley Wood........... where never from Basildon arrived a happier man.

Sorted!

:shocked:
Have just had a disturbing leak from Grimmy's office, (Although Mort seems to think it is his while Death, the Boss is away on sabbatical)

Mort has got very interested in your mission. On a print out of your plans that he managed to hack into. (Mort is trying to bring Death's office into the 21st Century :mad:), was the penciled comment "perfect for an infiltration exercise"

It looks like Mort is going to infiltrate you team for his own evil purposes and to try and exceed his quota. I think he is trying to out do the boss and usurp his position.

One of your team is not who they say they are. Mort has sent a doppleganger in and no wonder dog will be able to discern this one. This Doppleganger is dangerous.

I would normally tell you to abort the mission, but this might tip Mort off that there is a mole near his / Death's office. I think I am being shut out the loop anyway, because I post here, but I do not want to confirm his suspicions

If it means anything during BB2 Mort was always trying to vote out a certain nomination survivor. Death btw supported Helen's campaign and was just as entranced by the romance. :love:

Hopefully I will be able to find out who the doppleganger is from my end. Watch this space :thumbs:

Comrade Sticks. You have cleverly unearthed a double blind constructed by myself. The mission is in hand, do not fear. Encrypted in my posting and publishe in the local newspaers of our agents is the code to combat this. I am therefore re: posting my above instructions as few members have had the opportunity to read them. Can I please ask that you do not post below unless you are a member of the operation. Thankyou for your co-operation.

Comrades, the hour approaches, and the time has come to break our silence. It will be tomorrow, Thursday!

Even now, global subversive forces are working to thwart us, and the MSN messenger service has been sabotaged on numerous occasions in the past few days.

Then they took out the server. However, we are back!

You will be relieved to know that top secret meetings have taken place between myself, Agent Svetlana Rolitova (peachy) and the legendary Red Sonja (discolady)

A final top secret summit meeting between myself and Agent Rolitova has been held this week.

We cannot fail.

Let me appraise you of our current status:.

TIBB name BVDT name Specialist area
ROB Olga Minister of Love
Peachy Svetlana Ph D in Ecstacy
Discolady Red Sonja Boa/Lust Dust
Janette Tatiana Ginger beer
Lee Ursula Security
Feefs Ludmilla. Flask

Susieq Valentina Dog Handler
Jodie Petra Wonder Dog
Miriam Natalia To be allocated
Kaz Annastasia Double agent
Blinkinl. Tonya Driver
Abby. Marina To be allocated
BigSister Katerina To be allocated

Chilledb. Nadia To be allocated

SLSara Saskia To be allocated
Monie Mishka Disguise/catering



I think it is now time to address you all, with apologies to WS.

I need hardly remind you colleagues, that you are honoured to be with us in our quest.

We are few in number but do not despair.

Remember, the fewer we are, the greater the share of Paul Clarke.

I would not have one more.

Those who have no stomach for this, let them depart, your visa will be made, and your bus fare home will be given. We do not want your company.

This day will be called the feast of Basildon.

We who outlive the day, and come safe home, will in future stand up on tip-toe when the day is named, and rouse ourselves at the very name of Basildon.

We who survive to see old age will yearly invite round our friends to celebrate, and say ‘Tomorrow is Basildon day’.

Then we will strip off our tops to show the marks and say, ‘These wounds I had at Basildon’.

Old women forget, and all shall one day be forgotten, but we will remember what feats we did that day!

Then shall our names be as familiar as household words,

Olga Volga, Svetlana Rolitova and Red Sonja; Ursula and Natalia, Anastasia, Valentina and Petra the Dog.

We will all be remembered for centuries to come whenever people meet, drink and talk of great deeds.

Our story will be passed down by parent to child, and ‘Basildon day’ will never go by, from this day until the end of the world, without being remembered.

We few, we happy few , we band of sisters.

For she who tomorrow stands with me shall always be my sister, no matter how gross they become.

The memory of this day will make them once again young, and vibrant, and full of life.

People who tomorrow spend the day a-bed shall think themselves accursed they were not there,

And hold their worth to be cheap when any one speaks, 'Who was there with me on Basildon day?'


So, let me remind you all. We will pick up at our pre-designated rendezvous points and amass in the egg packing factory car park (Marked A on your exterior map) at .the appointed time. Two agents (already notified) will be deployed, along with Agent Petra, to unobtrusively perambulate the grassy knoll (marked B) immediately behind RLE HQ (marked C).

Please remember to take binoculars for early sightings of the Audi TT, and a pooper-scooper and bag for Agent Petra’s undercover activities.

As soon as our quarry is sighted, contact will be made by texting the message SGA (sex god alert) to my mobile, which will be, of course, on silent mode.

Agent Rolitova, DTI representative Agent Mark and myself will enter the premises, and communication blackout will be established with immediate effect.

We estimate that is will take us 40 minutes to engage in their capitalist foreplay and to isolate our target. Agent Mark will then stand by whilst firstly I, and then Agent Svetlana, develop a closer working relationship with Paul Clarke in the Stationery cupboard marked D on your office plan.

Agent Annastasia has used her time well and has soundproofed the door with ten layers of bubble wrap and a staple gun. Sad to say, it has since been necessary to remove her from her undercover role and send her back to Minsk.

We were given information that led us to believe her cover was about to be blown by the excessive involuntary drooling she experienced whenever she came within 10 feet of Mr Clarke.

Let me assure you she will be given the very best of care during her time in the Gulag of Good Hope, and her name will be added to the roll of honour.

At approximately 12.00hrs Svetlana and I will unobtrusively walk Mr Clarke to the main entrance on the premise of continuing our meeting in the Dog and Duck in nearby Ramsden Bellhouse. It may be necessary for Svet and I to support him at this stage, due to the intensity of our morning negotiations. Agent Mark will walk close behind to ensure that any grasping of door frames and attempts to brace himself by Mr Clarke do not impede our expeditious exit from RLE. Any tell-tale nail marks scratched along the corridor walls will be removed by Mark with Jif and a J cloth.

Once Mr Clarke has been escorted safely to the bus, we will drive to our secret depot on Canvey Island.

During our journey he will have been revived by ginger beer and sandwiches and will meet the afternoons negotiations with renewed vigour.

At approximately 15.00hrs he will be refreshed by a bracing bed bath by myself, Agent Olga, and Tommy Lee will zap all memory of the day from his mind as we drive back to RLE. As we escort him back to the main entrance, he will remember only a fruitful day of international enterprise. He will make his way home, from there to Barnet and on to Hadley Wood........... where never from Basildon arrived a happier man.

Sorted!

Agent Ludmilla reporting for duty. The evil corrupting forces of computer thingies have been attempting to sabotage this mission, but I WILL prevail.

I've cleaned my binoculars using one of those fancy brush things, and have my flask on standby. I bought some Kendal mint cake in case we are in need of emergency nourishment. I've even shaved my legs and got my hair cut, so it's GREEN FOR GO!
:thumbs: