Going to see how many elements I get right about tonights show!
 

Game I'm going to play where I need to predict as much of the usual stuff that makes up an x-factor episode.

Dermot goes bla bla bla X-factor is back with thousands of Pub/Kareoke singers doing the "X" sign in the background.

Swiftly moves on to the first auditionee. After 5 mins about talking why they're the best singer and will win, they enter and sing like a strangled cat. Cue Simon: random insult, Louis: you were terrible, it's 4 no's etc.

Another 5 mins of rubbish singing in the large waiting areas, with Dermot stopping to talk to a few.

Next 5 mins with a few awful singers, Louis might say yes to one of them.

Cue auditionee two: 5 minute sob story, enters, sings you raise me up, gets 4x yes.

Cue short VT of a bunch semi decent singers all getting through, although we'll only hear them sing maybe 1 line each, with more time spent on their reaction and hugging Dermot.

Cue attractive men auditions, average singing, lots of back and forth camera shots of them smiling then Cheryl smiling.

More bad singers, and this time a compilation of them storming out insulting the judges etc.

Cue final auditionee: 5-10 minute sob story, tears etc. Enters, coincidently Simon brings up the topic of said sob story and they explain it, maybe more tears, then goes on to sing well. Cue Cheryl to cry, compliments all round, 4x Yes. Cut to judges in car/plane talking about best audition ever and potential winner.

Nine things, so hoping for at least 7/9.

Well you got one thing wrong, there are no sob stories tonight

They changed the format?

You forgot the token Clubbed To Death play as the judges intro's are shown and flashback to last years with Alex winning and the Diana headlines.

during the middle ant and seb will come back ;)

I'm hoping for a Take That insturmental as a sob story gets through.

So far I'm spot on.

Edit: Squashed cat comment should get me extra predictability points!

Show over. Think I got most of it, which proves what a predictable plastic cesspit of a show that it is.