"How to win Big Brother" - a rough guide
 

1. On entering the house, target and pay attention to the average looking girl in the house to get her onside so you have an ally, she will be flattered by the attention since she doesn't usually get much on the outside. You will then be able to rely on her to "have your back".

2. Next, target the most beautiful girl in the house and persistently harrass and harangue her to show the viewers from early on that you are not "shallow and fake" but "real" and "honest". ( After all, the viewers would expect you, being the "fittest" guy to make a beeline for the "fittest" girl). By showing your disdain and contempt for beautiful girl, you will demonstrate your "depth".

3. Constantly dissect and try to identify other HMs "game plans" in order to demonstrate to the viewers that you are "genuine" and "can't stand fakes". You are already aware that a lot of viewers will overlook this sort of behaviour from those they perceive as "fit". After all, one of the biggest bitches last year won the whole damn show!

4. Identify the most passive bloke in the house so that you can constantly pick on him in order to grandstand to the viewers by identifying real or imaginary faults with said HM in order to score brownie points with the public. This can be risky when the bloke in question starts to point out your hypocrisy.

5. If the average looking girl that you have selected as your main house buddy does, for some unfathomable reason, reject you, make sure you create a huge drama out of it by crying in the diary room and threatening to walk, thereby ensuring maximum airtime. Tell said average looking girl that she is your best mate and you can't cope without her - this will flatter her and guarantee her loyalty.

6. Once you have average girl back under your spell again, reel her in by ensuring lots of physical contact, and then act surprised when people start questioning whether you have feelings for her. Again this will they/won't they storyline will guarantee maximum airtime. If played right, you can spin this out for weeks and weeks.

7. Don't forget to pick a fight with another goodlooking girl, but choose wisely in case said girl gives as good as she gets and makes you look like a knobhead.

8. Flirt with the goodlooking friend of average girl to create a bit of jealousy - all the time ensuring you are sending mixed signals to average girl -this will ensure that average girl will do all she can to eliminate the competition thereby saving you the trouble.

9. Keep the fauxmance going for as long as possible since this guarantees lots of air time and, of course, magazine articles and media interest outside, so the photoshoots will be lined up in advance. Meanwhile get close to the gay guy as well to stir up public interest in your sexuality, thereby creating more potential for magazine articles etc.

10. Make sure to start plenty of arguments inside the house by picking on the slightest thing, but ensure they are directed towards women or the passive bloke. This will ensure more opportunities for grandstanding to the public, and once you are reasonably confident of your status in the house, you can afford to take chances; such as slagging off the public in the interests of appearing to be unconcerned how you are being perceived. This is reverse psychology and if played right, will reinforce that you are being "honest", "real" and "straightforward". Always be on the lookout to score brownie points with the public, and ignore the accusations of ambulance chasing. Remember the golden rule: "Attack is the best form of defence".

11. Towards the end of the show, start to find fault in average girl, but be careful not to focus on her looks or weight, but on personality traits, or magnify and blow out of proportion things she is saying or doing in the house. Play this one carefully since average girl must be seen to be at fault for betraying the "fittest" guy in the house, who has stuck "loyally" to her. This will ensure loss of support for her in the end game.

12. Be crowned BB11 Winner and collect your cheque for £100,000.
Sit back and wait for all the photoshoots, magazine articles etc. Reconcile with average looking girl just long enough to do some articles "Where did it go wrong"? "There could be a future for us", blah blah blah. Book flight back to Oz, laughing all the way to the bank.

:bawling:

Well BB's dying anyway :|

Did John James read this before he entered the house by any chance???

You forgot the part about constantly telling anyone who will listen that you dont give a ******* about anything making it look like youre only in the house to enjoy the experience.

Yup-he knows the only reason people watch BB is for vicarious bitchin.One thing he hasnt done is the Anthony Hutton tactic- parade around with ones top off in the hope of titilating the female/gay viewers.Maybe he thought this might appear vain and decided against incorporating it into his overall strategy.

Made a big deal about how much he respects gay people and how he'd love to "represent" them.Probaly bollocks.When Andrew Stone entered the house he had a mocking grin on his face-clearly thinking look at this little fairy.

Yes, that would come under point 10 alongside slagging off the public:D

lol have you ever thought of writing articles on HOW TO................ a good read.

Thanks!:blush:
Now if only I'd written a "How to make this the Best Big Brother Ever" and sent it to Channel 4 back in the New Year, I might not be having to watch this "foregone conclusion" of a show right now!

I quite agree this years bb is utter ****e. My god the producers have come up with a bummer of a show this year. No wonder bb is ending, it needs to.

If only they was going to be a bb12 i could go by this guide and win.

Do you have guides on how to get past the selection panal of bigbrother, i cant see it been that hard :o.

A good read lol

Sophie wasn't a bitch at all. She wasn't the person I wanted to win but I liked her happy for her,but she wasn't a bitch. :)

Sorry, but I guess I can't forgive her for being a fully paid up member of Lisa's gang who persecuted Freddie for weeks. I think she got away with a lot purely because of her looks - JJ is like a male version of her.

Oh? I have to admit I didn't actually notice that, partly because, as some h.ms have said, you can't get on with everyone and you tend to gravitate to some more than other and alliances are formed, which I just took as normal, but mostly because I was far too interested in watching what Angel was doing, even when she was either lying down in the garden or standing the bedroom late at night watching people lol.

It took a while for freddy to grow on Me, and I didn't like him much for a while, I even spent around £20.00 to get him out when he was up against Angel, I've since realised he was a good guy.

But I was very biased about the whole thing because of Angel :)

I agree about Sophie she was a bitch,and imo did NOT deserve to win,but to be honest,I have not rated any of the winners except Craig Phillips but i know him,so that doesn't really count.I thought both Rex and Freddie deserved to win.

Rex and Freddie were my faves too and both were robbed that's for sure.

Can't see Ben winning sadly - too much reverse snobbery, but I hope he's in the top 3. I really hope that knob JJ doesn't win - anyone but him. Let's hope his nemesis, in the form of one of the new HMs, will enter the house tomorrow.

Yes a tall dark handsome ungay sort for Josie to knock JJ out of his comfort zone...cause for me the guys in there are all wimps and weirdos. JJ is like a stick insect.

Well apparently the HMs get to choose the three that go in - let's face it they can't do any worse a job than the producers.

You have a perverse infatuation with little John

Do you know something we don't?:hugesmile:

After the events of the day with JJ1 making a "break" for it:rolleyes: I am bumping this thread because he is so obviously and blatantly following a "script" based on all the BBs he has ever watched.

He has tried (a bit too early in the game) to detach himself from her "romantically" and her reaction gave him an excuse for a bit of "drama" designed to both reel her (and the viewers) in. The heads up he got from the newbies about his popularity and the fauxmance on the outside is enabling him to make grandiose gestures knowing full well BB won't let him go now. He is now approaching the end game with total confidence - he just has to decide now whether to risk average girl winning over himself by progressing the fauxmance or to start portraying himself as the decent guy victim of said average girl's unreasonable expectations and jealousy.

Watch this space.
W

if this was all true then JJ would be some kind of Keyzer Soze mastermind

and he would actually become the best housemate and deserved winner for having such a brilliant gameplan :thumbs:

they all boring and no one deserves to win this year so give it to Keyzer Soze :dance:

It's not the fact that he has a gameplan that annoys me, its his lying and hypocritical insistence that he DOESN'T, and I suppose you think it's fine that he's messing with Josie's head? I don't like her either but I do feel really sorry for the fact he's make a fool of her, saying one thing to her face, and another to other people and in the diary room.

Every HM should have a game plan but it's not necessary to be deliberately cruel and heartless to win, nor to take the public for imbeciles.