ThisisBigBrother.com - UK TV Forums

I wrote this fan fiction because I've never read a book with a decent description of abuse. They dither about it because they don't want to be controversial. I think it's good that I've had the "courage" to write a story that is controversial. More parts to come. Enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I felt the sickening crunch of bone against bone, as he plowed into me. His powerful body slammed against my frail figure, and I hit the wall. He stood there, leaning over my crumpled body, and leered at me. I looked up at him, frightened, as he leaned down. He ripped my clothes off, and set about his usual routine. He had no shame, unlike me. I'm ashamed to ask him to stop, it seems disrespectful. The irony; what he's doing is breaking the law. I'm 14 years old and he's raping me. His own daughter. He finished having his dirty way, and then slapped me.

"If you dare tell anyone, I will kill you, Ellen."

And I know he's not joking.

I was up all night, sobbing uncontrollably. He did this every Thursday night, when Mum was out at her evening class. I could never tell her, it would be the ultimate betrayal for her; choose her husband and lose her daughter, choose her daughter and lose her husband. I've always been shy, timid and considerate. I'm always being nice to Mum, knowing that she loves him, but deep down I loathe him. I wish he was dead. That man that was my father, only biologically, had ruined my life. He stole my innocence, he took away my right to be happy. I dreaded every Thursday. I had to come home, Mother refused to leave before she knew I was at home and safe. Haha, the irony. I was safer out in the streets where I could be mugged! I dreaded Thursday because I knew what would happen at night. I loved holidays because I could spend unlimited amounts of time away from him. Mum knew I would be with friends, and so I was allowed out.

My Diary.

Name: Ellen Jamieson.
Age: 14.
Occupation: Troubled Teenager.
Beliefs: That the world is unfair. It also revolves around me. Ha.

Thursday

I couldn't get to sleep last night. I get scared every day about the approaching event tonight. It's hell, let me tell you. I always have bags under my eyes, so I wear dark makeup to cover it up. Everyone thinks I'm a goth, but in fact I think goths are ridiculous. Emos' too. They're so pointless! The genre of music is just opera music with vocals added in! I got to school today, with my dark makeup on. I met James at the gates. He always waits for me there. I have my buttons done up, and my tie up, and my schoolbag tied up, and my hair tied back. I don't want to look promiscuous. Anything remotely sexual makes me want to cry. I can't watch films with sex scenes in them. That's almost as bad as what he puts me through. I arrived at registration, and sat down in the front row. No one wants to come near me; they think I'll slit a goat's neck in front of them or something. Apparently I'm Satan reincarnated. This is stupid.

The gaggle of girls that giggle at anything that he speaks annoy me. He, is Andrew Jones. They, are the 'popular girls'. I hate that clique. They are diametrically opposite to me. They wear lots of makeup, they are sexually promiscuous, and I highly doubt any of them get abused by their father. But then, I hide it pretty well, behind my black makeup. I'm normally on edge today, and they've picked up on that. They come out with most of their comments today.

"Look! It's Emo Ellen!" Charlene Davies cackled as I took my seat.

"Ellen De Generes!" Kimberley screeched.

"Lesbian!" Another of them yelled.

I refuse to respond. If I do, they always end up making me look like a fool. I suppose I am, because I just take it from them. Why should I have to? What gives them the right to make me unhappy? I've never done anything to them!

---------------------------------------------------

I got home today at about 4pm. I came up with a cunning plan.

"Mum, can I come to your class with you tonight?"

"Oh but I bought a pizza! Your favourite!"

"It's OK, I'd really like to come!"

"No! You enjoy your dinner with Dad."

c**p.

Friday

It wasn't so bad last night, he just kind of leered at me and stayed in the room as I got changed. It's funny how I've come to tolerate that.

I woke up this morning and had an epiphany. The best way to tackle those girls at school, is to simply act like one of them. I can spend more time with them, as my Mum knows some of them. She doesn't really approve of them wearing skirts so short or tops so low cut.

I applied light makeup, and decided I'd undo my top button. And I'd use a bag that are carried from one shoulder, and not a schoolbag. I didn't have one, so I took a £20 note from his wallet and decided I'd go and buy one on the way to school. I emptied all my books from my folders, and simply took the bare necessities. My bag felt lighter than usual. I went into an upmarket shop, and bought a bag for £15. I kept the remainder for my lunch.

I got some funny looks on the way in from school. As I came into registration, I held my breath. They all looked at me, surprised, and then? They ignored me! Result!

-------------------------------------------------------

James gave me a onceover at lunchtime, and insisted I was turning to the dark side. I snorted, and ruffled his hair. He hates me doing that. He meticulously gels it every morning, to be just the right style. I swear that he invented Metrosexual.

-------------------------------------------------------

Dinner tonight came, and he had a bit of a sadistic leer in his eyes. He'd have to wait for next Thursday before he could try it. And he wouldn't get that chance. I'm not going to be there. Mum's art exhibition is next Thursday, and I'm going with her.

Saturday

James called my mobile, which woke me up.

"Oi, traitor, we're waiting for you."

c**p! I forgot it was Lindsay's birthday today! We were meant to be at the cinema.. ten minutes ago. I'd had a good night's sleep last night because something in my life had gone positive, so I didn't worry about things.

"c**p, I've just woken up!"

"Well get a lift from your Dad then!"

I panicked. If I wanted to be there, I'd need a lift from him. The bus drivers were on strike, and if I walked it'd take me an hour. I'd have to doll myself up for Lindsay's party, so he'd be leering at me. There was no way I'd be stuck in a car with him.

"Sorry James, I can't come..."

"Screw you then." James was angry, and hung up on me.

I sat on my bed and hated that man more than ever.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I called James' mobile later on, but it was turned off. I guessed it must have been a long film, it had been 3 hours since he'd called. He wasn't ignoring me, right?

Who am I kidding? He's angry at me. He must think I've gone to the 'Dark side'. James is a huge Star Wars fan. His older brother gave him the Vader bug. James sees the world in black and white. He is good, Andrew Jones is bad. That's how his mind works. Of course, Andrew himself hasn't done anything to provoke this from James, but it's the whole system of popularity that James hates. I agree with him; those girls are pathetic.

------------------------------------------------------------

I finally got up at lunchtime, and made myself a sandwich. I've been getting fat lately, I really need to lose weight. I mean, I'm not huge or anything, but if I could just shift a few pounds...

Anyways, Diary, I should really stop writing now. I've got an apology to make...

-----------------------------------------------------------

James forgave me, and we went into town with Lindsay later on. I gave her the present I had saved up for. I had been saving a month, and had to beg Mum for the rest, but I got it. Decent hair straighteners. Lindsay loathes her hair. It's frizzy, and she gets up at 6 in the morning just to try and get it less curly. She was so thrilled, she insisted on using them. We went back to her house, and she straightened her own hair first. Then she attacked James' with them, but he didn't put up much of a fight. He loves himself too much.

James had to go home and babysit his little brother, and I left soon after. I walked home, and heard a familiar cackle. Charlene's gang.

"EMO ELLEN!" A shrill voice pierced the darkness.

"c**p. c**p. Balls. c**p." I hissed under my breath, and sped up my walking.

"HEY! ELLEN! WAIT UP! WE'VE GOT SOME GLASS FOR YOU!" Kimberley's voice rang clear. There was no way anyone couldn't have heard it.

"What do you want?" I spoke calmly. It was like someone else was taking control.

"To see you cut yourself. See, Lisa's never seen a real, live emo before, and we figured you'd give her a demonstration." Kimberley replied snidely.

"She doesn't look very emo to me..." Lisa cut in, giving Kimberley a withering look.

"What's the matter, Emo? Did your makeup sink into your face or something?" Kimberley was like a terrier. Once she had a hold, she wouldn't let go.

"No, I just wear dark makeup at school."

What are you doing?! You're heading down No Return Road! And why are you telling her your life story?! My conscience was berating me.

"So you're a part timer?" Kimberley smirked.

"I hate you."

There. I'd said it. I braced myself for a slap.

"Ditto." Kimberley's words were scathing. I had been expecting physical abuse. Not verbal. Again.