BB11: BB's 'Elevenpence' Olde Coffee Shoppe
 

Wee light hearted idea for thread with a twist of fun thrown in.

Little Coffee Shoppe, a place for all housemates (BB11 of course) and others, to make 'an appearance', pop in for a bit of refreshment. Only one proviso. A BB11 or it's spin off UBB - housemate should ideally be mentioned in each post. :blush::blush:

*Opens door of BBEOCS - flicks on lightswitch, turns on Sunday morning easy listending radio, fills up coffe machines, sets tables, sit down and awaits delivery of pastries*

Spies a 4x4 parking up outside. ...... Ulrika, bringing with her freshly handmade Danish pastries (learned from her younger days in not too far away Swedish homeland).

Great..... coffee hot and pastries here, ready for business.:thumbs2:

*Flips door sign to OPEN* :xyxwave:

Here comes lovely Corin ... bearing barm cakes (balm cakes? - I'm with Ben on this ... what the hell are they ...?) to make a nice contrast with the Scandinavian pastries ... she's always down to earth and fair as fair ...

This is going to be fun ... a bit of a gathering ... and a chat ... lovely ... ! :cat:

:cat::cat::cat:
Calling in to drop off a home made Lemon drizzle cake for the customers. Pop it down on the counter, catch sight of UV and Pyramid :xyxwave: hunched over the Sunday supplements and a pot of steaming coffee - and whilst my back is turned, Josie scoffs all the cake and then goes for a lie down on the comfy sofa in the corner ! What a cheek :hugesmile:

Rasputin approaches the girl serving at the counter and asks if he can put flyers on the table and a poster on the noticeboard, advertising free blessings. He is turned away with a flea in his ear. "Better get a wheelchair ramp installed for me and my army of devoted disciples" he retorts "we'll be back".

Andrew pops in... just to ask directions to nearest McDonalds. He appears to have what looks like a watermelon in his rucksack. Darkside chokes on coffee.

John James pops in, asks for some crab cakes, gets told sorry there aren't any. He's getting angry now and storms over to Josie for a motherly hug and a wee grizzle.

JohnMc loudly shouts that Josie is too good for John James before a waitress arrives with his diet coke and he buries his nose back in the Racing Post. He's dismayed that all normal races have been cancelled for the panto-horse race this afternoon.

Ben calls in for his homemade lemon drizzle cake only to find it has all been eaten. Babycakes assures him that a freshly made cake will be ready for him before the start of Celebrity Coach Trip. Vodka Drinka will be ready to serve him wearing her fetching waitress outfit *whilst quietly locking the door behind him and turning the sign to close* :blush::laugh::bigsmile:

There appears to be a Mole at the shop door, banging loudly, and shouting, 'Hey it's not early closing day, let me in or I will rip my fur coat off and streak. It's not fair, I made such an effort to be here, I deserve to be let in more than anyone else'.

And all the customers in the cafe turned round and shouted out as one 'Oh do tell us! What is that strange distended spherical object which you are hiding beneath your coat ... have you brought us a trifle to trifle with ... or is it a yummy tiramisu, that renowned speciality from Treviso in the Veneto region ... we believe that you have family connections there ... ?'


Oh ... dear readers ... little did they dream what it actually was ... nothing edible, that's for sure (don't even go there!)

Eek! :devil:

The assembled customers try to avert their eyes, although one or two cannot help but gag a little.

Pyramid tries to keep her hot Celtic temper in check; how dare the Mole put her happy clientele off her delicious food :yuk:

Ben diffuses the situation by telling everyone his amusing Simon Cowell story, much to the annoyance of Samuel Dean who keeps trying to interupt. Luckily, a handy moderator who called in for a rosewater meringue and a pot of Earl Grey, had a gag on hand which was quickly slapped over his gaint gob.

The phone rings. It's Sunshine with a message for Ben. "Please pick me up a packet of Walkers crisps and drop them in to me on your way home."

When the shop opened again the next day, Nathan who had been practising his culinary skills since leaving the BB house, decided to drop off some samples of his own take on the old favourites Pigs in Blankets and toad in the hole. His versions were called Pigs in Duvets, and Mole in the hole.

Mole in the Hole was taken off the menu the very next day. It had an unpleasant, bitter taste and the yorkshire batter had risen to inexplicably resemble an abnormaly large deformed testicle.

Shortly after midday the rather fetching Irish barista Caoimhe leaned over slightly to gather up some fresh Arabica, unwittingly giving Crabeyes a squint at the breathtaking swell of her bosom.....all hell broke loose as Josie set aside her fourth piece of chocolate fudge cake to fish a baseball bat from her Burberry holdall while Dave climbed onto a table to deliver a completely incomprehensible lecture on (maybe) the wickedness of female sexuality......or it may have been a recitation of the bar menu at Sloshfest 2010.......

Ife comes in and takes a **** on the table.

What the f.uck is this?

A wee bit of harmless light hearted fun ... :spin:

So ... what's with the swearing ... ? :blush:

I think the concept went over their head a little U.V ;)

Coincedentally enough: Nathan booted the coffee shoppe door open with his tacky boots earlier on and uttered the same words !!!:hugesmile:

When Nathan realised it was an establishment well outwith his league, he uttered something similar as he turned on his heels and headed for the little, run down and filthy, rusty, health hazard of a burger van at the other end of town.

*Flips through the early edition of tomorrow's newspapers which have just arrived. Replaces OPEN sign with OPEN 24 hours. Wipes tables down with Dettox..... kills 99% of all well known germs *

Disclaimer: only joking Nathan! It's only a bit of fun.

Laura entered the Coffee shop, said hi to all, got a group hug, then 30 seconds later said the shop was not to her taste and promptly left.

Corin pops her head in en-route to the tanning salon. Has a quick look around, declares loudly with a huge grin, "Ah'm lovin' it" and says she'll be back after a bit of tanning.

*Adds 'cans of Tango' to list of supplies to order up* :joker:

*Puts up very large sign in window, "Due to Health & Safety, all animals (excluding guide dogs) are strictly prohibited from entering premises"*

Lights scented candles on tables, nicer ambience until dawn breaks.

icon

.....Josie picks Crabeyes' nose precariously close to the stack of pain au chocolat...... *waits for someone to call me a legend* :xyxwave:

Total legend :xyxwave:

Mario Marconi calls in wearing hi viz health & safety gear and carrying a clipboard. Pyramid shudders - is he here to close the cafe down ?

Weightlifter Mario lifts John James up by the baseball cap which is hooked into the belt loops of his cropped jeans and throws him out on the pavement without ceremony. John James debates whether to cry or throw one of his infamous temper tantrums, but as no-one is taking any notice of him - he does neither.

"No no no to nosepicking near the pastries" he announces firmly. He turns and fixes a mean Italian (by way of Warrington) stare at Josie and tells her to sling her hook too, for not wearing shoes and having dirty feet near a food preparation area. She manages to grab a croissant before she is ejected and stuffs it in her mouth quickly.

A coach pulls up outside - it's Brendan and the CCT crew, turning up for their daily task. "Today we will be learning how to make cherry flapjacks" he cries.