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Stand back Thomas and Novo... A real cook has arrived

I have sat back and watched Andy and Thomas give terrible cooking posts over the last couple of weeks, now it is time for me to show you all how it is done. First up on my menu is the very hard-to-cook dish: Chicken Soup.

Now, if you are like me and can't use a tin-opener, then buy a tin that has one of them pull open lids, then as shown in the photo below, just use a spoon to open the tin:

http://i56.tinypic.com/snmazc.jpg

Once the tin is open you should then pour the chicken soup out of the tin and into a bowl. Pick the bowl up, carefully walk over to the microwave, open the microwave door, and place the bowl inside.

http://i56.tinypic.com/f38k9i.jpg

Once the bowl is inside close the microwave door. Turn your dial to 2 minutes

http://i56.tinypic.com/2dm6mmp.jpg

These next two minutes are going to be very boring, so what you should do is spend this time wisely and also give you pet(s) something to eat. Shortbread biscuits usually do the trick

http://i51.tinypic.com/iegsba.jpg

The microwave should be dinging any second now, and when it does you should take a spoon (I use a very little fork myself) and stir the chicken soup. Once it is stirred you need to put it back in the microwave for a further one minute.

http://i53.tinypic.com/cmc09.jpg

The next part is the trickiest of all, and if you want to avoid doing the thing I have done many of times in the past, you should grab hold of the nearest tea towel

http://i51.tinypic.com/n3rls7.jpg

When the microwave next dings use the teatowel to pick it up (this will stop you from burning your hands). Carry it over to the unit, and pour the chicken soup out of the hot bowl and into a regular one. Then throw the used bowl that is now empty in the sink for your mum to clean in the morning.

http://i52.tinypic.com/nw0zyu.jpg

Give your dog another biscuit for being such a good companion in this hard task

http://i51.tinypic.com/mry6o1.jpg

You can now take this delicious meal and eat it in your own time

- Lesson One of Locke's Cooking Class is now over.

A fork with soup? that is going to be tricky.

otherwise good job.

Quote:

Originally Posted by \PJ/ (Post 3997039)

A fork with soup? that is going to be tricky.

otherwise good job.

The fork is only to stir it :nono:

Watch out Aisnley Harriott

Quote:

Then throw the used bowl that is now empty in the sink for your mum to clean in the morning.

:nono:

Wow, that is wonderful. Thanks Locke.

nawwwww doggy :love:

Get lost.

Soup?

You taking the piss?

Hardly anything hard about using a microwave.

What does the dog have to do with the cooking?

That is just plain stupidity.

I hope you didn't give your dog Shortbread Fingers either. :nono:

That is just totally irresponsible behaviour.

Thomas this is a fine craft I'll have you know

I have heard of soup makers that are on a salary of £120,000 per year

I don't have a microwave - is there a conventional (gas) cooker version of this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate (Post 3997206)

Thomas this is a fine craft I'll have you know

I have heard of soup makers that are on a salary of £120,000 per year

Yes and they probably make their own soup from left overs, not tin bought soup that he's flung in the microwave and made himself out to be the next Gordon Ramsey.

That is cheating of the highest order.

I rank highest to be honest, even if I say so myself, because I actually did some cooking. I cooked pasta from scratch with a sauce.

PFFT.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tinseltoes (Post 3997208)

I don't have a microwave - is there a conventional (gas) cooker version of this?

Yes.

Please consult me with any cooking needs.

All you need to do is put the soup in a pot and wait for the soup to boil. You'll know when it is done because the soup will pop at the surface.

Miss Ivy Balls, at your service.

Yours Faithfully.

If I didn't feed my dog coco pops for his breakfast this morning I'd lecture you on how shortbread can give your dog worms

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Ivy Balls (Post 3997211)

:worship:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Ivy Balls (Post 3997211)

Dear Miss Balls
I forgot to say I'm not a meat eater so this recipe is no good for me - do you have any cheffy tips on how to adapt it to suit my special dietry requirements

Thomas don't be so bloody stupid, soup is very hard to make and microwaves are quite hard to use. Go back to making your silly pasta that anyone could make.

Tinseltoes, if you listen to Thomas' instructions then your house will be up in flames in a matter of seconds

Quote:

Originally Posted by Locke. (Post 3997267)

Make a Pizza next. Either one of you 'cooks'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scrooge (Post 3997307)

Make a Pizza next. Either one of you 'cooks'.

Consider it done.

I will get working on that soon. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Locke. (Post 3997267)

You're starting to annoy me now.

GET OUT!

Thomas stop taking it so bloody serious.

And what a great lesson Locke

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stacey. (Post 3997922)

Thomas stop taking it so bloody serious.

And what a great lesson Locke

:worship:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tinseltoes (Post 3997248)

Dear Miss Balls
I forgot to say I'm not a meat eater so this recipe is no good for me - do you have any cheffy tips on how to adapt it to suit my special dietry requirements

Sir, you can't adapt Chicken Soup because it's Chicken and you're not a meat eater.

I suggest a lovely home-made tomato soup.

Have you a blender?

Chuck in tomatoes, tomato purée, plumbed tomatoes and any other ingredients you wish that follow in the line of the red round. Blend together to make a smooth paste, using cream to add thickness. All you need to do is stick it on the hob when you're done. Experiment and see how you go. Adding seasoning as you go along. Herbs, salt, pepper and other assortments that you may find in your kitchen cupboards.

Please let me know if you need any further assistance.

Miss Ivy Balls. :)