YOU COULD NOT MAKE IT UP #1 : Attention all wankers - baby alert
 

Thrill Now Pay Later.

If you thought 'Bashing Your Bishop'/ 'Pulling One Off'/ 'Exercising The Old Five Fingered Widower' was the ultimate failsafe contraception method -- THINK AGAIN.

Islamic preacher warns that men who masturbate will get their hands PREGNANT... and will have to look after their offspring in the afterlife
A preacher has said those who masturbate will find their hands pregnant
Mucahid Cihad Han was responding to a viewer's question on live TV
He added the man will have to look after his hands' offspring in the afterlife

An Islamic preacher has made the astonishing claim that those who masturbate will find their hands pregnant and be forced to raise the offspring in the afterlife.

Turkish preacher Mucahid Cihad Han made the comments in response to a viewer's startlingly honest query during a broadcast on live TV.
At first appearing puzzled by the caller's question, he eventually warned him to 'resist Satan's temptations'.
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/...05_636x358.jpg

LOOK AT MY BABY MAKING MACHINE - AND I HAVE TWO!!!!


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...afterlife.html

wha

OMG Marsh and LT had better hope they live forever :hehe:

(just kidding)

:laugh: I know one thing Mokka - I will never applaud anyone or anything again - Not now I know it's akin to hitting yourself in the goolies with a mallet. :joker:

(Wonder if I can claim Child Benefit NOW for the 100 zillion, trillion squillion babies I have 'made with my wanking over the years and am going to have to rear in the afterlife? That will be some DSS payment :joker:)

:joker::joker:
Claim away Kirk...spent/live now cause your afterlife will find your "hands full"
:joker:

This is why I wear gloves people, you should know this by now it's biology 101.

Some of you need to stop making your partners mouthes pregnant too, shameful burden on our welfare system :nono:

:joker: Gives a whole new meaning to the term 'Oral Contraception'. hehe::hehe:

:joker: It's having my 'hands full' Mokka that's clocked up all those babies to come. :laugh::laugh: (well ok then - 3" of my hands full :blush:)

I thought an oral contraception was one of Leather Trumpets chat up lines. :hehe:

:laugh: that's actually really profound for 2 in the morning Kyle.

It's ok this is when I'm at my most active. I've already conceived a couple of children while we've been talking :smug:

FFS :laugh::laugh: - But I notice Mokka's gone AWOL as well.:hehe:

hey now :suspect:

Do womens hands get pregnant too? :umm2: Asking for a friend.

:laugh3:

Thanks for asking for me Jess, I was too shy to ask :hehe::joker:

:laugh: Only if they are working their soft magic on a man - so to speak, Jess. Better make use of those marigolds girls. :hehe:

Thinking about what Kyle said about Oral sex; perhaps in the after life when any one of our millions of kids asked how they came to be born, we could say; "The Tooth Fairy brought you". :laugh:

My wife once convinced some random woman on facebook that by giving blowjobs, you could have an "Oesophagal Pregnancy", a baby developing in the throat, and that it would involve emergency surgery because if it grew to big it would block the airway.

People's ignorance to the workings of their own body can be quite bewildering :joker:

Although pregnant hands is even more of a stretch. Do they have full sized babies, or do they just give birth to little hands?

But Scott and Z
will be all right as others do that for them

Note: there is nothing wrong with being Gay


Feel The Force

Its a Special Muslim thing



Note : There is nothing wrong with being a Muslim

:laugh3:

So my left hand found out I got my right hand pregnant and now she's filing for divorce.

If only I'd seen this sooner and realised the dangers of not wearing something :facepalm:

Thank goodness you're here to reassure everyone that I'm getting some, arista

:laugh2: Control yourself LT. Take yourself in hand - but wear gloves. :laugh: