kirklancaster |
05-11-2015 08:32 AM |
I have done it too many times to recount, but always only on friends or family.
I am good with voices and accents and even my own mother got regularly pranked by me - God rest her soul.
My mother was foreign and despite living here since during the war she still had an accent and was very trusting and naive - traits which others found endearing.
Anyway, I was bored one sunny summer afternoon, and - in the company of my disapproving brother, who was visiting me, I dialled my mother.
The conversation went like this:
Me: (In a very cultured 'cut crystal' accent) "Mrs xxxx?"
Mum: (slightly anxious) "Yes. Who is this?"
Me: Is that Mrs Stella xxxx?
Mum: (even more anxious) Yes. Who is this?"
Me: "Good afternoon Mrs xxxx. I'm Peter Johnson the Marketing Director of M.Y.M Associates, and I'm absolutely delighted to personally inform you that you are one of the five winners of our recent 'Win The Groceries of Your Choice' competition."
There then followed a lot of confused comments from mum that she hadn't entered any competition.
Me: "That is correct Mrs xxxx the entry form was completed in your local ASDA branch by ... (fake pause as if referring to recorded data) ... your son... Mr xxxx xxxx. Congratulations."
There then followed another lot of comments of disbelief then delight from mum, which soon turned to excited wonder as it sank in that she'd 'won'.
Me: "I just need for you to give me the details of your choice of produce Mrs xxxx, then we can arrange for them to be delivered to your door fresh every week for one year."
More childish delight from mum, then:
Me: Can we start with your choice of fruit Mrs xxxx? You can choose up to four different fruits."
Mum: Can I have Mango?
Me: "Yes, of course..."
Mum: "Can I have Papaya?"
To increasingly disapproving looks from my brother, this went on for about 15 minutes - due mainly to my mum's over excited waffling - and ended with her listing about 12 items.
I promised that the first delivery would be on the next Monday and put the phone down, and within minutes she rang me, and my brother answered the phone:
Mum: "Oh my son, I have won lots of rations (Yes - she still referred to groceries as 'Rations' or 'Provisions') and she excitedly waffled on for a few minutes with my brother trying to tell her that it had been me hoaxing her, but she was not listening.
Eventually he gained control of the conversation and told her - in detail - that it had been me, and se said; "Oh that wicked wicked boy. He's such a joker." But you will not believe what happened next, but it is gospel. After he had explained to her, he handed me the phone and I was laughing to mum and ready to apologise for teasing her, she said: " Oh but xxxx my son. I won papaya. I won Mango...."
It took me the longest time to finally get through to her that it was me.
I will recount in another post, the most memorable of the numerous times that I pranked my mate - another builder, but not the 'sharpest chisel in the toolbox' - into driving late at night in the freezing cold and pouring rain, up and down a country street known locally as 'Millionaires Row', in search of a lucrative urgent 'Roofig Repair' commission. It really was hilarious.
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