1.
Kim Woodburn
CBB19 - 3rd Placed Finalist - 15 nominations
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And now here we have my favourite housemate of the year. Kim Woodburn. Patricia Mary McKenzie. I have memories of watching How Clean Is Your House with my Mum when I was younger and being made fun of as a result but was i bothered? Was I piss. Just like Kim was often the victim of what I would consider gang-handedness but was she bothered? Was she piss.
The night she went in, I had heard a rumour that she was going in and I didn’t believe it. I thought that she wouldn’t do it, however was surprised that she hadn’t done it already. I remember her on I’m A Celebrity (shoutout to those who saw my recent Snatch Game performance on IATM, your support is appreciated) and thinking that she was iconic as ****, although not using that phrase at the time, I would have probably said that she was just entertaining as ****.
Then the three women were introduced. I wanted to switch over when Chicken Nugget Obsessed Irritant was announced and I’d briefly heard of Jessica Cunningham. Then Kim came on screen and I remember her first sentence. “Hello, my name is Kim Woodburn and I am now called the Queen of Clean.” Then I realised that she looks like a lady I worked with called Anne nowadays. Kim then overtook Coleen as my new favourite housemate immediately because I knew that she was going to be nothing short of amazing. And she was.
Although I didn’t think her first kick-off would be before she went to sleep that night! Chloe, who already annoyed me purely by her presence, was acting the goat and decided it would be a fabulous idea to jump in the pool. She did this, splashing and angering Storm Kimberly. Now, I would have been mildly annoyed as well. ****, I turned the splash button off while watching Ready Player One yesterday at the cinema with our Dennis. I might have spoken up but Kim started an argument with three other housemates. One of them even more than the girl who splashed her in the first place. That’s when everybody knew that Kim Woodburn is not a woman that you want to mess with. Although they knew this, they still tried to.
Then she started scrapping with James Jordan, who I didn’t like, although my flatmate Will loved, and I can’t even remember what it was about but I just liked the way that Kim was so aggressive while also sticking up for Jedward, who she appeared to like very much but this also sort of established my dislike for Nicola when she pushed Kim nearly to tears.
Now, I speak about Day 15. If you don’t know what this day is, it is informally known as Adulterer Night. Nicola, Jamie, Bianca, Chloe and Calum were being dickheads to Kim because she was calling them out for being chicken livered ****s and gang handed. And as Jamie attempted to be the voice of reason, Kim told him to shut up because he was a chicken livered bugger, causing the 30 year old footballer to aggressively run towards the 75 year old cleaner. Not right, is it? And then as he practically said he hoped for her death, she referred to him as an
adulterer.
If I was to write about everything she did, I’d be here all night but what I’m saying now as my work here is done. Kim Woodburn is my favourite housemate of 2017.
