Can you forgive someone over everything?
 

You see I was having this debate earlier with one of my friends who basically believes that people shouldn't hold grudges over issues from ages ago, and I personally believe that if someone does something really disgraceful against you that you have every right to hold a grudge against the person for how long it takes for you to not be angry anymore.

Basically do you hold grudges or can you forgive even the most disgraceful mistreatment?

Poll will be coming shortly.

I always hold grudges

Quite unforgiving

I can forgive but not forget

https://i.imgur.com/aH2VaQQ.gif

It would depend on the reason why you are holding a grudge.

If they shagged your man they can burn in hell but if they just borrowed your lippy behind your back you can forgive.

...I think it’s just making a decision, Mock...do you want that person in your life now and to carry forward to the future or not...?...if you do then it’s to accept ‘despite of’ in everything they are, so holding grudges wouldn’t enable that....if it’s no, you don’t want them a part of your life, then grudge away..:laugh:...there is no ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’, it’s only the person to make decisions about their friendships etc...

Generally forgiving but depends what it is :shrug:.

I'd like to say yes but even I have a smidgen of... confusion whenever I hear about parents of murder victims forgiving the perpetrator(s). I don't know if I could ever do that... especially since it seems to come from a very Christian line of thinking, the idea that everyone deserves absolution or whatever.

The worst that's happened to me/my family, one of my cousins being (fatally) stabbed on a night out... I don't know. In that circumstance I don't even know who did it by name, but know that I am highly unlikely to ever 'forgive' him for it. I believe in rehabilitation and everything but I guess that doesn't allow for forgiveness and reconciliation.

Sorry I took this thread in a dark turn, lol.

Depends who it is and what they did....pretty forgiving really, life's too short and all that.

...maybe the ‘Christian’ thing though is not feeling comfortable carrying a grudge or unforgiveness around through life because it’s something that doesn’t fit and sit easily with them and maybe starts to overtake and push out more positive things which someone wants to keep...take over, type of thing...?...so it’s more ‘forgiving’ for themselves and self preserving...rather than the other person ‘deserving’..?...

...all I know is when my son was attacked, which was many years ago...I couldn’t in any way wish any bad on the person who did it because for me, that would have meant wishing bad on his mother../..his family...so I guess ‘forgiveness’ is an essential to self preservation and could be seen as a ‘selfish quality’ also...

No..but i expect.

I understand, but for me it's something that admittedly doesn't preoccupy me as much as it does, say, my uncle, so I can't really say it's something that I've carried particularly long. Especially since I was pretty young at the time and didn't quite appreciate the severity of it at the time. The problem was that the jail sentence was so minimal (I think he was out again after 3 or 4 years) that it added to the sense of injustice of it all.

Like you say at the end it does often come across as a trait to try and present yourself as 'better' than someone who is unforgiving, and ultimately I don't think it matters if you do or don't forgive someone for something like this, both sides are understandable and fair.

...yeah I do think the jail sentence time in the UK is pretty screwed and that must be so hard for your uncle...but then in the USA, the states that still have death sentencing...around 25years is often served before the death sentence is executed so that’s screwed as well..that someone would be put to death decades after the crime was committed...I understand the reason for the delay as well... but sentencing in general seems pretty screwed up I think..:laugh:...

I'm too emphatic most of the time to not forgive plus I learned from a very young age that people are flawed and never perfect so I don't hold it against them. I forgive mistakes pretty much instantly and I will always forgive people who, when they do wrong against me, come to me and explain why and show remorse. I've definitely forgiven people for unforgivable things.

I'm pretty sure the only thing I have never been able to forgive is being falsely accused of stealing money and having friends turn on me because of it. When the truth came out and people came crawling back I told them they were dead to me. Some tried to reconnect throughout the years so I've had to remind them that I think they are scum unworthy of life. They burned those bridges and tried to put the fire out so I responded by nuking those bridges to nothingness. It's weird really, I've forgiven worse but this incident and when I hear of other incidents like this, it always fills me with such anger.

TLDR - I am both capable of endless forgiveness for pretty much everything and being an unreasonable hellsent demonspawn monstrosity of unforgiving fury in very specific circumstances.

this

Depends what they did and how much I liked them beforehand, normally NO

Nobody is perfect.
If family or loved ones upset me then they can be forgiven, to a point.
But they would never be fully trusted again.:shrug:

I think that is pretty much how a lot of people would be. It's easy to forgive someone who does something to you as it is obvious that they are wrong but when its an accusation against you and other believe that its far more hurtful....particularly a completely unfounded slur on your character. I think I would have the same reaction.

I also forgive more easily for things done to me, rather than to loved ones and friends

This is the thing though, trust is lost . If it was a simple mistake then that's easily forgivable , but i have had an instance (i won't go in to) where it took me over a year to collect the evidence and shut someone down and make life so bad she had to leave - not before she had taken many people for an awful lot of money and lied to police and got innocent people arrested , she even used a friend who had recently died in a tragic accident to further herself.
Some people are beyond redemption.

yes i am pretty forgiving on most stuff and dont hold grudges

on the big stuff i never forget and if pushed would kill

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I went through a similar experience with mass bullying and I have to say, that's one of the few situations where I would go out of my way to avoid certain folk in the future... there's also something to be said about the hypocrisy :laugh:

Anger though is so emotionally draining to hang onto for a long period of time. For me, it's just not wanting the reminder. I can't say that I see them as the same people even we were to speak. I don't really like them as people anymore as it's changed my estimation of them too much... sometimes we see people's worst nature and we can't unsee it. It was also a bit traumatic, as I didn't understand the reason for the abuse at the time, but to say most of those people didn't change would not less than fair (we were young)... I think a lot had moved on and maybe improved. But I worry those demons are still there, if even just sleeping, as the spite was so direct and so palpable that I had serious issues forgiving myself wondering if I had done something to deserve the treatment... as it was so extreme.

Um some things yeah in fact most really, though if it involves the brats... no.

Mock still not forgiven his mum for taking a nap instead of putting the tea on?

Usually but everyone is different, I believe there are things we cannot forgive and everyone should respect whatever decision the individual makes

I have forgiven most wrongdoings in my lifetime but one of my sisters did something unforgivable for her own selfish reasons and not giving a second thought to how her actions were hurting members of my family. We haven't spoken in 3 years and I doubt we will ever because she isn't even sorry for what she did which I don't want to disclose. All I can say is me and my dead sisters children were devastated. I don't wish any harm on her and I hope she has a nice life but I choose for her not to be in mine. I don't feel guilty for cutting her out of my life because she has done a lot of hurtful things to me since I was little and I'm not prepared to be hurt by her anymore.