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-   -   Do You Have a Thick Skin? (Poll) (https://www.thisisbigbrother.com/forums/showthread.php?t=336527)

Maru 13-03-2018 05:00 PM

Do You Have a Thick Skin? (Poll)
 
.. And are you able to keep your perspective when having an argument or debate with someone?

I think this is a pretty straight forward question?

If you answered yes, what would be your advice to others struggling with this issue and how did you resolve it?

What is a give-away to you that someone else does not have a thick skin?

For me, the biggest give-away is when a person tries to redirect the conversation away from themselves and their behavior. This may even be this case without them being the topic of conversation...

I try to leave conversations or put people in ignore in this category because it usually leads to a toxic exchange super quickly. I think a lot of people who are in debates online, they are attracted to people with the same thin skins... because those folk are very easy to distract and it makes them less of a threat when it comes to personal attacks.

I don't think it is necessarily healthy for two people to sit there and pick at each other's scabs. Nothing intellectually is gained from these conversations for the people in it or the observers, (outside of a lesson in human psychology), as the people are often too distracted by heated words and can't stay on topic...

Matthew. 13-03-2018 05:10 PM

lol no

i still remember one time where a member said something that was slightly mean to me and i still feel awkward speaking to them because of it :laugh: it was around november time, but he probably doesn’t even realise :hee:

montblanc 13-03-2018 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matthew. (Post 9917603)
lol no

i still remember one time where a member said something that was slightly mean to me and i still feel awkward speaking to them because of it :laugh: it was around november time, but he probably doesn’t even realise :hee:

spill the tea!

RileyH 13-03-2018 05:18 PM

not at all

Withano 13-03-2018 05:20 PM

Yh, but everyone loves me so I rarely ever put it to practice.

RileyH 13-03-2018 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Withano (Post 9917614)
but everyone loves me

https://media1.tenor.com/images/249e...temid=10273180

Daniel-X 13-03-2018 05:22 PM

Absolutely not lmao, I hate being told that there’s anything wrong with me (as shallow as it sounds, I just do). I think it boils down to the fact that a) i’m very concerned with how people see me and b) I’m a very jealous person

Smithy 13-03-2018 05:31 PM

Yeah idgaf what people think

Matthew. 13-03-2018 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by montblanc (Post 9917609)
spill the tea!

its not you

smudgie 13-03-2018 05:36 PM

Yes.
But then I don't take anything personal that is said in a debate, and I really try not to be personal to the people in the debate.
Agree to disagree would be my advice.

AnnieK 13-03-2018 05:41 PM

Its a tough one to answer, particularly online. People often try to portray themselves as being thick skinned but you can tell how they react to differing opinions that they are either incredibly thin skinned or totally up their own arses so act incredulous that people don't agree with them so there must be something innately wrong with the other person.

I wouldn't say I had either to be honest. Some days everything is water off a ducks back and nothing winds me up and other days I can be incredibly sensitive.

Jodie. 13-03-2018 05:45 PM

Lol no I cry
http://cdn.thisisbigbrother.com/sign...ic100879_9.gif

Brother Leon 13-03-2018 05:50 PM

Yeah. I don’t really have advise though. Outside of my family and close friends and fiancé, I just don’t really care what people say or think of me. I think in time perhaps you may just naturally become the same.

Maru 13-03-2018 05:53 PM

Great responses :clap1:

Jordan. 13-03-2018 06:09 PM

Idk I'm generally not easily offended, but I don't deal with personal attacks well.

Jason. 13-03-2018 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordan. (Post 9917652)
Idk I'm generally not easily offended, but I don't deal with personal attacks well.

Pretty much.

Amy Jade 13-03-2018 06:19 PM

I think it depends on who says things. If somebody I liked decided to trash me that would hurt but if it is somebody I don't really care about then I don't pay any mind to it.

Mitchell 13-03-2018 06:27 PM

And an elastic heaaaarrt

Oliver_W 13-03-2018 07:42 PM

Sure. Very little really matters, especially not words! I never understood why people care so much about what other people can say, why give them the power to rattle your cage?

Quote:

If you answered yes, what would be your advice to others struggling with this issue and how did you resolve it?
Just find some perspective. If someone says something mean, it's either probably in response to some offense you might have given without realising, or they're just a crappy person whose opinions are all bitter anyway. Either way, in about seven-ten hours you'll be comfy in bed anyway, words won't change that.

Quote:

What is a give-away to you that someone else does not have a thick skin?
Apart from obvious stuff, like taking offense at every little thing? Probably being constantly bitchy with no need, it's probably a defense mechanism.

Maru 13-03-2018 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver_W (Post 9917719)
Sure. Very little really matters, especially not words! I never understood why people care so much about what other people can say, why give them the power to rattle your cage?

Of course words matter, Oliver! :nono: ...Well, at least somewhat :laugh:... it's good to get other people's perspectives, even when somewhat negative. In my art program, my skin was boiling and repeatedly shedding itself from all the jealous h8te I received (kidding)

But actually... sometime it's even worse if someone almost never receives criticism. They never develop a way of coping and find themselves unusually distressed in those situations maybe? I was really hungry for it when I was younger, which attracted really "interesting" people into my life early on as I must have been like a sponge... but I kinda feel like I'm much happier now because I sought the criticism or at least stood there while it was being thrown at me. Where I come from, we don't really mince words... :laugh: so better to get over your thin skin issues when you are younger, whereas when you are older it can really be a stressor.


Quote:

Just find some perspective. If someone says something mean, it's either probably in response to some offense you might have given without realising, or they're just a crappy person whose opinions are all bitter anyway. Either way, in about seven-ten hours you'll be comfy in bed anyway, words won't change that.

Apart from obvious stuff, like taking offense at every little thing? Probably being constantly bitchy with no need, it's probably a defense mechanism.
Yeah, and I think receiving criticism is probably more harmful for those folk online than in real life (the bitchy types). People don't really hold back online because there's no person in front of you to hold them accountable, but I think... some people are just naturally "crabby" as a personality anyway..,

Also you're completely right, keeping perspective is so important and I think really key to having/developing/keeping a thick skin. And sometimes, we just need to trust our own gut, like if someone is personally picking on us... if something doesn't feel right, then just walk away, have faith in yourself that you can judge the situation accurately without stooping to the gas-lighting... Though sometimes, if you really care about someone (like a spouse) or feel maybe someone a grip on something we ourselves maybe have issues with, it's good to let our guard down at least a bit and let some soak in... but better to mull it over than to respond immediately.

Some sensitive folk think that having a thick skins means we have to bounce back right away or always have some kind of answer to a criticism... actually, I think stepping away and thinking about the words when we have a clearer mind is ideal. But sometimes a response is not even worth it... especially if it something not even worth having an argument over.


TiBB also has it's own variant of trash talk, which funny enough, is one reason I am attracted to this place because it doesn't feel as superficial (as an environment anyway)... like half the people in this thread saying "no" to the poll question. I would've never thought they had any issues with criticism. But that just shows we don't always know what other people are feeling about other people's words... I'm like Amy, I would probably be hurt if people I cared about had harsh words for me. But I think sitting with them and taking it means I am giving their feelings more consideration than I would normally...

Maru 13-03-2018 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnieK (Post 9917640)
Its a tough one to answer, particularly online. People often try to portray themselves as being thick skinned but you can tell how they react to differing opinions that they are either incredibly thin skinned or totally up their own arses so act incredulous that people don't agree with them so there must be something innately wrong with the other person.

I wouldn't say I had either to be honest. Some days everything is water off a ducks back and nothing winds me up and other days I can be incredibly sensitive.

That reminds me... my husband thinks once I month I go totally off the deep end and he says it's like I've had a personality swap or something. I'm a relatively new driver and I already take mistakes very seriously... but I think for those type of days my license should be suspended for my own well-being. :laugh: Even just being on the road and being honked at can set me off when I'm like that. Maybe I should also let know Vicky my schedule so she can temp ban me from SD during those days... :laugh:

Actually when I was moderating, we used to have people request temporary bans for personal reasons. So it's really actually not that unusual (I think), for some people to just want to reach for the rest button and catch themselves a break... sometimes people have a good relationship with a certain moderator and they will ask them to let them know if they've gone off rails and to issue a temp ban to keep them from getting themselves into trouble... some moderators do it to themselves :laugh:

waterhog 13-03-2018 10:10 PM

you can call me every name under the sun and I can take it but when anyone is a critic on my poetry I start crying :joker:

Cal. 13-03-2018 10:17 PM

Wait I voted yeah cos I’m not really arsed but like if someone said something to me I wouldn’t take it i’d Kick off so does that mean I’m not?

LemonJam 14-03-2018 12:16 AM

Honestly a stranger could tell me I have a bit of coffee on my nose and I'll be sad about it for a year.

jaxie 14-03-2018 03:45 AM

Sometimes. I am quite strong I think but I also think we all have our paranoid or insecure moments.


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