Are your friends your responsibility in a way?
 

I've been thinking about this for a while.

I'll set a hypothetical scene.
You have a friend Jen who is in her 20's and she absolutely hates the elderly for no reason, you've heard her complain to other friends about old people who are customers at her place of work and says nasty things about them just because of their age.

Would you feel like it's your place to inform her or educate her about that being wrong or do you feel like it's not your problem and as long as it doesn't affect you and as long they're a loyal friend it doesn't matter?

I used to feel like it was nothing to do with me but now I can't look past it, I am quite vocal about telling my friends what standards I have for them because I'd want them to do the same for me if I was being ignorant. Does that make sense?

Personally I would bin Jen as she sounds very ignorant, I wouldn't even bother to try and educate as its like the brain mass couldn't cope! would just be a waste of your precious time

Its Typical of some young folks.
She will grow out of it.

It's not a real story, Arista.

What if you had been friends for a long time and just recently found out she felt that way about certain people for things they can't control? Would you say anything or just distance yourself?

Jen will certainly grow into it...old that is :laugh:

You're not responsible for them, but I think it's ok to challenge them on any positions they hold that you disagree with.

The ageism is just an example, it also applies to people who hate overweight people, people who are racist etc..

You are not responsible for other people and how they think, if it were me it would depend, if it made me super uncomfortable I would distance, if I could live with it and just put it down to Jen being dim, I would carry on but pull her on it if it began to grate on me

So if you challenge them on it and they refuse to listen but just don't mention the topic to you, could you still call them a friend?

Nope. I actually quite like when friends have a different opinion to me it leads to an interesting discussion but most of the time we all thik alike

I would say yes as they must have some other qualities that contributed to the friendship in the first place, though sometimes you outgrow people and if you have outgrown then I would move on

...I’m sure that Jen must have some lovely aspects to her character as well, hence the friendship felt toward her...I think trying to persuade her of the lovely aspects of older people that she’s somehow not able to see atm, would be the thing for me...I know some great older people who I think Jen would adore...so maybe I could engineer a ...(...socially distanced...)....meet for the day and I’m sure Jen’s mindset might be blown away a bit...

No, I couldn't care less what anybody's views are if I get on with them :shrug:

Obviously there are degrees to it. Is it worth losing a friend because they steal from boots once a week? Even though you may disagree with it, it's not really a big issue in the grand scheme of things as long as she doesn't talk to you about it, whereas if they're out every weekend on EDL marches, then for me, I wouldn't personally entertain that friendship if we'd spoken about it and there was no getting through.

I'd distance myself rather than "break up" as friends though.

Ah, that's an interesting way to put it, I guess everyone has their own definition of "too far"

Yes I know
but I am saying some young hate the Old.

That's not the point, I am talking about ANY kind of hate.

Lets face it they are a lot of vile pigs in the world, but we have to feel pity for them at times wallowing in their ignorance

Good friends will tell you the truth and pull you up when you go wrong. Bad friends are yes men.

Yeah, I expect my friends to call me out if I take something too far and I'd do the same with them.

In this instance it's not a case of being right or wrong though, it's just about having different opinions whether you agree/disagree with them or not

How can hating a certain group of the population be an opinion? :conf:

People can also be weak and just go along with a crowd just to be popular and express things they think others wish to hear, you have to weigh up all the possibilities ie vile pig v weak personality