How outgoing/popular were you in school?
 

I thought this would be interesting to talk about considering that teachers and students alike tend to have a limited understanding of introversion in children/teenagers and either mislabel them or see them as outcasts.

Hmm what a question really, should be easy but..is not

I was not that outgoing. Kept myself to myself. However, was whats known as a 'floater' ( :hehe: ) and got along with all 'factions' really, so equally, could socialise with pretty much anyone I wanted to at any given time. I think this was hugely helped by one of my close friends mothers being the local dealer though, another friends dad was also a dealer but also sold cigs cheap, which were bought by half the school (cigs not drugs..he wouldnt sell to under 18s, unlike..other friends mother :/ ) too which I am sure helped.

So I guess quite popular in a way, however, I still felt most at home with 'the outcasts' or 'the freaks/nerds'..a lot of crossover there was mind. And was quiet and certainly not outgoing, unless..on various substances in which case everyone is everyones mate too to start with! The amount of drinking and drugs that went on at our school...I have to think we were an outlier, or I will dread Skye/James going tbh. Going off what stepson says though, its not lessened much really..unless his is also...bad for it and overrepresented or something. But yeah, had an out to be with 'the populars/pretty girls(no clue what the guys were called..weird looking back on what you called groups and that though) but never took it as 'the freaks' were much more interestng in every way.

Besides this, was with the 'skaters' (oddly, no board required really..to be in this 'group') a lot of the time also as my crush was in that group. I was madly in love with him* like, half the school was, and if they saw him now, back then they would be shocked. Looked him up literally today after looking at an old school photo of me ( :umm2: ) that I was tagged in years back..and showed him to gavin and he was like..what the hell was everyone thinking?! Oddly, I can stil see how I remember him just...hes aged extremely badly tbh. I thought I had aged badly til I saw him and now feel MUCH better about myself. Hes not even on drugs or anything that would generally make someone look..well bad from what I can work out. Seems to have not lost his teenage mindset, despite havig a kid. Precovid he was out every week/fortnight drinking with select gang of school mates, appeared to still drink in the local (not local now, but local then! ha) park sometimes too in groups. Which I found desperately...sad. But also nostalgic in a way. Half fancy crashing 'the pavillion' one day when they are out..as like, all bar one I haven't seen in going on 20 years now :S Maybe not a good idea

*Thinking on that, he was the reason so many things in my life happened, which could have gave a weird butterfly effect...stuff like, he was the reason I gt so drunk the first time I blacked out, got taken home by some guy who was NICE and actually just took me home and left laughing at the state of me ad handed me to my mother (was always 'grateful' for that, especially looking back through an adult lense, like I was s lucky in many ways there), which led to my first proper relationship which was only for a few weeks (and he is gay now, I should take it personally, really, how many exes decide they are gay..) but shaped a lot more of my life, eg. made me start going to a place I wouldn't normally go to, which was where I found my first job...and so on


Much waffle again. In paragraph mode! In short, was popular, but not really, though more by choice than anything else. Also introvert, so the two are not..mutually exclusive as the question makes out :p

School factions eh, could write a book just on those..nevermind the interactions between them all! :joker:

I was happy in Primary School, High School sucked

I guess more underdog than any of the other options.

Me and my big group of mates (lads and girls) sort of knew and got on with everyone, real "Inbetweeners" if you like. Just sort of coasted through, no bothers with anyone but never really being "popular". I was always generally awkward and lacked confidence in myself but seemed to still do okay generally.

God I miss school.

One thing I will say though, I feel like that "awkward teenage phase" for me anyway lasted WAY longer than what it was supposed to - and I'm talking 10+ years longer.

Like everyone's awkward through high school and probably up to 18/20 but I'm 30 years old now and finally feel like I'm comfortable with and know myself now properly, just.

Life has a way of hitting you like a ton of bricks and years of anxiety/depression, self esteem issues, abusing food and basically being a recluse took their toll on me and basically robbed me of my whole 20's decade but thankfully I've managed to turn it around and finally (better late than never) I'm at a place where I feel and look happier than I've been in probably 13~ years.

I look like a completely different person now compared to when we went into lockdown or just before thanks to a huge lifestyle change where I dropped 11 stone - so much so the above mentioned school friends haven't recognised me when they've seen me out and about. :joker:

Can't wait to get back out there once we're eventually out of lockdown - there was talk of a school reunion too as it'll be 15 years this July since we left. Crazy how time flies!

I didn’t mean to imply that introversion and popularity aren’t mutually exclusive by the way. I just pointed out that it’s a trait that tends to only be seen as acceptable in adults so whenever school kids show it they’re liable to be seen as outcasts (not all the time). You know what I mean?

Ditto re. the underdog stuff. Me and the mates I chilled with most always occupied that stable middle-ground territory but I floated between the popular and less popular lads at different points as far as friends go.

Got on with the majority of people but wasn't really close to many, just a few out of my year and others

I know. Was brutal at times like. And hated it at the time too. But looking back, it was (so far) the best time of my life like. Keep attempting to tell the stepkids to enjoy it, and actually see friends outside of school. I hate that they have to be 'encouraged' to do it, and that it costs me so much each time they go out as its always bowling or something else costly, with a meal, and bus..usually taxi fare back (I was out most days..and rarely got even a quid. Got my fiver pocket money on a weeknd and that was about it) but my GOD it annoys me that they just sit on screens. There has actually been times, where I have literally put fifty quid beside my stepdaughter and told her to ring her friends, and meet for the weekend, and if any of them need cash and their parents cannot that I will give her enough to cover ffs, just go out and talk. At one stage, she took full advantage of that mind, and would specifically not budge to go out, until offered something to do so even if she had plans she would pretend she didn't..manipulative things, teens :p It wouldn't even bother me much if they had friends over to be on screens/games, or went to a friends and socialised at the same time...but sitting alone, with a phone, scrolling through SM constantly..its depressing to watch. That may be me showing my age though :umm2:

Its definitely strange stopping myself from saying, again, stuff along the lines of, 'you will regret this' ( :fist: ) and 'schools the best time of your bloody life you twat, stop stressing so much about fitting in and just be!' (said to..older child. Not the younger ones :laugh: ) and remembering they...see me the way I saw my mam then. Like, the old past it crone, who might have had her best days at school but that wouldn't be me, as my life after school...WHEN I COULD HAVE A LIFE AND PRIVACY /doorslam. And then get my own place and a job and all thats good in the world so the stress of being a teen goes away and instead you balance bills easily, and can always afford to go out when you like, and stay up til as late as you want without someone moaning and buy anything you fancy with your loads of spare cash each month...and all of that, it would be so fantastic. Mam/Vicky clearly just had a boring life (!) as I know when I am an adult, all will be better overnight!

Ha. Am not sure the awkward teenage self ever goes away really. It may hide, but mines not gone yet, and am mid thirties!

I thought I had finally 'adulted' though. Like, I spent many years waiting to feel mature and it never came. I then I learnt to calm down certain behaviours, and learnt how to act in some scnearios..but..nothing ever really changed. Then one day, it randomly kind of felt like it had. Not even sure when it changed. But I felt 'adult' instead of 'weird socially awkward teenage twat' anyway.

I realise now though that, as you say, that was depression setting in. I went maybe 9 years? Thinking it was normal to feel like that. Basically, like everything in life was a chore, basically life is to make your way through, then die. Sounds obvious when put like that, but my brain rationalised it all so much.. I only recently found out it was not (which has kind of knocked me for six, as I was the one who could spot a depressed friend at a moments glance really..the one who noticed the little changes others tend to miss, so how I didn't see it glaring me in the face is odd as **** really), after having one night where I felt like I used to...my whole world view kind of shifted back, and am now having a bit of a personal crisis to be quite honest...as...I now see I was wrong in thinking how I was going on was normal, but also, my life doesn't want me to know this it seems and in many aspects would much prefer me to go on just..existing as its easier. So am kind of in rebellion mode much of the time, VERY much with some people I know..being combative and sometimes childish. Still being a mam, of course. But being...me at the same time. Or, as it turns out NOT at the same time, as my...dodgy days..I tend to spend at my sisters, or my mams, with no kids to worry about as someone else is watching them..granted not 100% 'free' unless they are staying elsewhere though. I could never, for example, get mortal drunk when I knew the kids were there and would be up in a few hours, even if my parents would 'watch' them somewhat...as need to reserve energy for them... Hence being able to be..worry free during those times. Which feels bloody great :D

Totally get where you are coming from on the lockdown thing. Though, it was not lockdown that helped me, it was just...my epiphany came during the lockdown :laugh:

Mind, have also steadily lost near 2 stone now, during the xmas lockdown alone..despite eating largely the same crap, mind. My mam says to go to the docs. The docs, would likely diagnose that immediately and it would be the only thing they 'fix' of mine, the one positive thing, while leaving everything else as it is! I think that would put me in a rage so bad I may have to change GPs tbh..and I have nowhere to change to bar private, which I cannot afford. So am waiting til am another stone down and at ideal weight, before going about that, which my mother is going mad about..but she ignores her own health issues so :shrug: She cannot really speak as she has to realise, her ignoring hers until it suits, is the same as me doing the same bloody thing, even if it seems different as its not her in 'potential' danger!).

Everyone else I know seems to have put on, and are now panicking about going back into the world 2 stone over! :joker:

Yeah I got you. Am in a...looking for logic mood at the min. So got really tied up in my percieved illogicality (not even sure thats a word, it shoud be if not!) of...extrovert meaning, popular. Even moreso when I go back to the groups thing I mentioned, as the 'loudest most out there' kids there were...were very much on the outside and isolated.

I know you didnt mean it like that, just trying to explain why I read it that way...as if that matters at all once its pointed out it wasn't meant the way I read it man... :laugh2:

Unpopular af in year 7-9 but I found my feet by year 10

I was a shy introvert who did the most to have friends but I ended up being laughed at for being (what they considered) "fat". (which in hindsight I've always had a bigger body type rather than a lot of fat, but kids don't really see the difference anyway)

But then I got into rugby and it took me I think 3-4 years to build confidence back. It was never about the toughness of the sport, but more about letting go and focusing on something to take my mind out of the bullying. I got fitter and found a nice sense of fraternity with the boys in my team. We made a good team and still play together sometimes.

It made things easier then. In High school, I was in the 'boys club', but not a brat. I became easy going and got along with all types of people, the outcasts, the nerds, the popular ones, the girls etc I became students' president too, left for the UK at 16 and made many friends there (and met my husband years later in Scotland :love:)
And it helped with being bisexual in high school too because I got along with everyone. I didn't feel too much of an outcast for liking the same gender as mine unlike what unfortunately many queer people feel like today. I got lucky tbh.

It varied.

i had 4 good pals who lived in my crescent and we hung out at break, there was a wider group from my wee town - 4 girls and 4 boys at different ages and we hung out after school. My school was divided also by playgrounds, the front one was the streamed kids who did homework and came from the posher towns in the area the back playground and bike sheds were the kids from the mining towns and poorer areas who would smoke and did not care about school so much. I was in the front playground. I was in the school football team and that was a mix of education ability and in other school sports teams so could go into the back playground without being assaulted but i was also in the school musicals so got a bit of stick for that too. (not as bad as coming to school with an instrument or wearing a blazer - surefire advert you should get targetted):skull:

Head Boy but complete jock also.

hhhmmmm I had 3 girls that I was really close to (and still am now) I would say I was neither popular nor unpopular. I got on fine with most people

Fairly popular.
With the kids at least:laugh:

Middle of the road. My friend group was the emo/scene kids so I probably should have been more unpopular :skull: but this was also between 2007-2009 when that trend was at it's peak.

Fun times for the Emo fashion back then :joker:
https://www.mynewhair.info/wp-conten.../emocouple.jpg

You could still get thrashed with a heavy leather belt when i was at school :omgno:

primary and secondary

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BzsLnmLCUAAn1n6.jpg

I was in the ‘popular’ girl’s group at school and so by association I suppose I was seen as one of the popular ones in my year. However, being gay I weren’t at all popular with the lads of the year.

I had about two friendships during my School years, and then bullied by a few kids for no reason whatsoever other than they were psychopaths.:laugh:

I got along with everyone but had a very close circle of friends... there were around 8 of us (an all boys school) and then the sixth forms mixed with the next-door girls school and so we made 4 or 5 more friends.

Eventually drama got in the way and that split into two groups, and I floated between the two :skull:

There were some guys that were pretty much assholes and seemed to make fun of me / my weight at any opportunity but they all look about 50 now so **** 'em.

Yep, same here. They have receding hairlines too :skull:
Karma is real. :laugh: