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I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop ....

but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta.

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Voted best joke at the edinburgh fringe this year :laugh:

Quote:

1. "I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta" - Masai Graham

2. "Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery" - Mark Simmons

3. "My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock" - Olaf Falafel

4. "By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I - but it is the same house and it is the same family" - Hannah Fairweather

5. "I hate funerals - I'm not a mourning person" - Will Mars

6. "I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting back" - Olaf Falafel

7. "I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx" - Richard Pulsford

8. "I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery" - Tim Vine

9. "Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate" - Sophie Duker

10. "I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days" - Will Duggan

Some of the others much better than the winner I think. Number four is my favourite

i think all of those jokes are better than the winner. 5. is my particular favourite

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to
Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said,
"Disneyland burned down."

He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke.

I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

None of them make me lol. Some are ok i guess. Maybe im just a miserable bastard but they don't do much for me.

Tim Vine is better than all the other losers :love:

My girlfriend left me because of what she described as my "weird pasta fetish"

Now I'm feeling cannalonli

I would expect the winner to be in a Christmas Cracker...

Quote:

Originally Posted by bitontheslide (Post 11203717)

i think all of those jokes are better than the winner. 5. is my particular favourite

I loved 5 as well.:laugh: