Social butterfly, hermit or somewhere in between?
 

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being a hermit and 10 a social butterfly, I estimate myself as a 7.

5

1

Probably 6ish.

Once I'm out and about I'm super social and will chat with anyone; sometimes people who I (to be frank) barely remember talking to seem to think we're capital-f Friends, when I was just being chatty and interested.

But getting me out the door is the hard part :joker:

hhhmmm probably a 5 these days

2

Social butterfly, hermit or somewhere in between?
 

0.0000000000000000000000000000001

Hermit and proud :)


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5…

Getting lower as I get older…:laugh:

3

That's it. I think a lot of people feel more comfortable in social settings once they're there but that initial hesitancy can stop you from getting through the door in the first place. Or you might be close to cancelling plans for brunch and a festival one Saturday until you just push yourself out of your comfort zone and go. And then you end up having the best time of your life. It's not always but at least every once in a while you're glad you didn't stay home.

I've went from a ten all the way down to a 2 since covid.

I’ve always been a friendly recluse so.

Well, not recluse-recluse but I’m very far from the socially liveliest person on the planet. I’m a bit more outgoing when I’m drunk but I prefer meaningful social connections to just having a loud social presence and 60% of my people-person energy is directed inwardly so I’m always going to be more reserved. Sometimes I wish I could be a bit more well-rounded in terms of fully showing up in the flesh in the way that people want me to but I’d rather not be too far in either direction ultimately. So I’m okay just being me.

Probably a 6 but would prefer to be a 1.

I’m a stay at home recluse .. yet I’ve spend the last 30 years completely out of my comfort zone working in a High School autism unit ..


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I prefer to stay at home.
I do go out sometimes, but i must admit I'm a bit of a loner :laugh:

I think it's 2 different questions.

I'm really social on a night out or with people, but I'd much rather watch tv or something on by myself, than having people around me for the sake of it.

I love socialising when I'm socialising but I also find it draining and need to hide away to recharge. At Uni, a couple of times I told everyone in my halls I was going home for the weekend, got in a stash of food that didn't need refrigerating or cooking, and hid in my room in the dark with the curtains drawn watching DVD box sets :joker:. Like bloody Gollum in his cave...

I know how it feels when it comes to needing that space in flat/house-shares but seldom having a free kitchen (happens in uni, happens beyond). I didn’t mind it so much to begin with but at one point I’d do most of my cooking at night or quiet Friday evenings/Saturdays when they’d either be asleep or out. We got on fairly well (although it soured in those last few days, mostly because they’d just pissed me off so much by that point) and I was the ghost cleaner who’d leave snacks on the table more Fridays than not (when I could afford to) but I wasn’t too interested in actively socialising or making friends with them. So I’d just stay in my room or eat out if the kitchen was jam-packed with them and their mates and I wasn’t up for kitchen small talk, and sometimes you’re not. You might have a high-energy job or demanding course (or both) that leaves you with depleted desire to be more socially on than necessary to people who you’re not that close to, no matter how nice and helpful you are. When it’s like that you tend to want your peace and quiet and a freer space to cook, but when the kitchen’s getting hogged for hours and hours that can be difficult. Doesn’t mean you won’t ever want to do things with them ever (whether that’s pizza/movie night and a spliff, a good day/night out, study sesh, a meal trade-off, whatever) but it does mean you value your space more than they do.

Anyway, listen, here we are: https://youtu.be/o1Y4Z0oh1GE?si=SVVi9of9GmdnSlT2 https://youtu.be/5CXFO--p590?si=qOq7Cd1jGzJx-5Kp

Introversion and extroversion have tons of definitions (from stuff like this to full-blown Jungian stuff) but on this level it’s just about kicking in with those natural preferences of yours and realising that there’s nothing wrong with being a little more if one than the other. Those videos might help if you feel a little worried that you’re not quite where you want to be social presence-wise. So by all means tap in if it helps.

I'm a bit of a mix.

I'm more of a hermit but every now and then I get these spurts where I want to go here/there/everywhere and meet people/see things you know?

I try to go out every Saturday but it's always to the same local pub with the same people every week so I really need to broaden my horizons now and again me thinks.

The thing is I'm almost in my mid-30's now and I'm kind of the last one of my whole friend circle who's single and yet to meet someone/settle down/have kids etc. I was unwell for the vast majority of my 20's (MH) and missed the boat on that whole thing so it's sad that I'm kind of having a "second youth" so to speak when everyone else my age has just naturally got past that point in life. If I think about it too much it makes me quite sad tbh. :joker:

Don't assume that your friends with partners/kids don't still want to do stuff though... usually it's more an issue of finding the time, rather than a lack of wanting to, and the older the kids get the more time they'll get back :joker:.

Being in the company of narcissists doesn’t help with putting yourself out there socially. God knows I went through the mill with that 2 years ago. May God have mercy (not on them) is all I can say.

1/2

I'm probably a 3.

I'm not really a natural at socializing, but I'm not one of them that never goes outside, or would even want to be a loner either.

I'm just very awkward when speaking to people, especially if I don't speak to them regularly.

And btw I have no issues with hermits or loners, as long as you're not harming anybody else you do what you feel most comfortable doing.