Married TiBBers: is a close friend essentially confiding in your spouse as well?
 

Do you tell each-other literally everything (including friends’ secrets) or is the principle of confidentiality too unwaveringly strong for you to bend it for your other half’s sake?

We have ZERO secrets , a shared bank account , never had a night apart and never gone to bed on an argument ..

We have been together 46 years !!


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She is a bloody good liar 😂

Not really, I tell him most things but I wouldn't tell him something a friend told me that might be embarrassing for her if Gav knew or she just didnt want me to tell him. Honestly he doesn't want to know all my friends secrets either (not that there's too many)

Define everything :laugh:

It's a physical impossibility to share every minutiae of each others "external" experiences . All anyone can do is make an objective summary that your partner will find engaging

You don’t need to tell your partner personal things to do with other people just because they might find it engaging.

A retired nurse told me once that the doctor he was working for let him do the operation on a patient instead of the doctor doing it

What ?


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Agreed


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I’m just playing with you.

I'm not married obviously.

But if I was, then it would depend on what it was that the friend had told me, because if it's something that's going to negatively impact my Wife, then I would have to tell her.

well, i do :laugh:

I pity the people who choose to confide in you. The people whose confidential records you access at work. Disgusting.

You have no idea mate.

There is a difference between sharing information from a friend that has no legal standing and documents with a legal security classification. If I did the latter i would have been in jail. I actually dealt with such things in my distant past and I know the law

…similar to this…he wouldn’t really expect or want to know confidences and the same with his friends, for any confidences that he holds with them… but the same also in that there aren’t that many things or situations with friends that I could recall specifically not to tell him as many friends talk to him as much as they talk to me about some personal stuff….if a friend said to me ‘don’t tell…’…there would be a very good and specific reason for saying that so I obviously wouldn’t tell…

So information has to have legal standing before you acknowledge its integrity and the integrity of the teller?

The thing is people will not only share secrets but will use them to hurt others and take advantage of what they have been told

Some people use what they have been told to make themselves seem a better person to others

We have all heard the saying
I wouldn’t trust them as far as I could throw them

.

In general then no I wouldn’t.
If it is something the kids ask me not to tell their dad then that’s different, I will tell him whatever it is IFhe needs to know, on condition he never mentions it to them.

It depends. We have no secrets, it'd have to be a pretty big secret from a very close friend who'd asked me specifically not to tell him. I can't see a close friend putting me in that position, though.

Did this really warrant a whole new thread Redway :joker:.

This is all an offshoot of another thread we've been having a disagreement on regarding these things, Redway from what I can tell is really struggling to grasp the difference between a sharing of minds in a close, long-term relationship with vast levels of trust... and "gossip-sharing with a friend".

And also appears to not know that professionals of all kinds absolutely DO share vast amounts of other people's personal experience (with identifying personal details redacted) for education & training purposes.

If it helps at all Redway, I did have a ponder with my wife about the discussion in the other thread, and we mutually agreed that if it was something very personal told in confidence we wouldn't share it IF there was no clear reason to share it (e.g. concern for the person's wellbeing) AND it was a mutual friend or someone we both had a personal connection with.

The example given was, if a friend of mine told me something that would affect his relationship in some way, and my wife was also friends with said-friend's wife, we'd keep that to ourselves because sharing it would put the other person in the awkward position (in this scenario, it would mean my wife would have to keep information from her friend that they would want to know, so it would be better if she just didn't know it).

And as I said in the other thread we'd never share anything that's legally confidential without "identifying details redacted".

So there are exceptions but for the mostpart I stand with what I said before... we discuss things, all sorts of things, that we've encountered independently out in the world, all the time. I don't know why that concept angers/frustrates you as much as it does.

Ok here's another hypothetical scenario for you, what if a friend of yours had a very personal "male" issue that he wanted advice on from a close male friend but clearly he wouldn't want your wife knowing about it, would you tell her?

if a friend shares something with you and asks you not to share that with your partner, they are placing an unreasonable expectation on you. If they don't want the information to spread, don't share it

Yes. It’s not all about you.