I'm having an emotionally sad day.
 

Does anyone want a pm chat?

Reaching out cos I'm really sad today. Been looking at my Josh's photos etc and not doing great. It's a blip, I'll be fine, just I had a dream about him last night and it was so real.its lingered and made me have a cry.

Help?

You will be OK Kate.

One of those days. Sending hugs x

Thank you. I'll be fine later. I'm resilient. Xxxx

:hug:

Thanks. I'm alright now. Gotta get on with things.

It's good that I'm busy.

Life is a constant test
Try your best and fcuk the rest

what photos?

My photos I have of him in frames and his wedding photos on Facebook.

January blues Kate, everything is heightened at this time of year

Yeah that makes sense Cherie. I'm feeling better now I've talked about it a bit.

Don't worry Kate. We're nearly halfway through January, It'll soon be Christmas

Thanks for the support people. I feel tons better. I know he's safe and happy. That's the main thing.

I'm back to feeling more positive. I have a lot of love and support around me. I'm very lucky.

Oh kate I'm sorry you felt like this. As it's been mentioned January blues. I'm glad you feel bit better

Yes that's good

Kisses and hugs

Ahh you're so lovely.

Yes what happened was that after my mum died I had a breakdown and was admitted to the mental health ward for 6 months. The council put my son into a flat on his own. At just 17 years of age. It's no wonder he felt abandoned. Lost his nan traumatically ( he was with me when we found her body) and then lost his home and his mum. Very sad circumstances. I don't blame my son for cutting ties. I just hope one day he gets in touch. X

Kate, have you looked around to see if there are any support groups locally or online where you could talk with people in similar situations?

That can be a help.

Thanks James. I haven't actually. I will look into this. I've had telephone counselling specifically fie this situation and that was helpful but it was a limited number of sessions. I'll check it out later today. I think I'd benefit from that.

I've managed to find a Facebook support group specifically for people who are estranged from their older children. It sounds good. I've joined it. Membership is pending. I think it'll be helpful. Thank you @James

I'm sorry to hear that Kate.

I'm trying to think of something to say that will help you, but I hope that you're doing well.

That sounds like good news.

Such a sad story, as parents we all make mistakes and have missteps, have you ever written to him Kate?

…it was all so much for him to process as well, as you say..he was with you and that’s a traumatic time that he still might not have processed or processed his grief over losing his grandmother…he may have blocked so much emotionally and that might have manifested in not being able to see you …I would say that he may have his own ‘battles’ and things to face as a first step …but that’s something/a place that he’ll have to get to himself…

Cherie ... I don't have any contact details to be able to write to him. The only tiny bit of access I have is that he now no longer blocks me on Facebook which is a recent thing so I was able to congratulate him not long ago on the wedding and give him my phone number. I didn't get a reply but I'm feeling a lot more positive again today. One day we may be reunited. X

Ammi .. yes you are correct and also on top of all that I was often very depressed whilst bringing him up despite medication. I can trace it all back to the abusive relationship with his dad and then the pressures of being a single parent, and having to do things such as breaking the news to Josh that his dad was in prison for life. So when you factor all that into the equation, when he lost me, he'd lost everyone! I was on the mental health ward for 6 months. All this probably is why he ghosted me. And when I moved in with Karl, I think that was a big deal for him as well, I moved to a different town. I think he felt second best and I didn't get a chance to reassure him.

…’blocking’ and distancing himself is how he’s coped, it sounds like…and obviously you coped in how you were able to …but all in all, a huge trauma for both of you and one that neither of you had/have really processed to be able to come come together in your grief…as difficult as it is for you, and I know that it can feel overwhelming at times…the best ‘step’ you can take to try to find any future path back to Josh is to process it all yourself and as James said, some ‘self healing’….and obviously it’ll still be an uncertain path because there is so much that you both have to bring to the surface and he would have to be ready for that as well as you would….