The joke thread
 

Post your jokes here.

Here is mine that I nicked off someone. It made me laugh. Lol.

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know, "he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "

"No, "she replies . . . “


"You just happened to catch my eye."

lmao
Knock Knock
Who's there
A interupting cow
A Wha.....
Mooooo!
(Does that make sence lol)

The only good jokes i know are rather rude. Although i did hear a funny one the other day but cant remember it. hmmmmmmm o bother what was it.


Iv rememberd now.
What do you call a guy with 3 eyes.


Semore.

A dad is on his way home a bit late from the office when he realises that it's
his daughter's birthday and he has not bought her a gift. So he stops at a
toy store to buy his daughter a Barbie. Inside he sees a Barbie display and
asks the salesgirl how much the Barbies are. The girl responds: "Which one?

We have:

Gymnasium Barbie: £19.95;

Volleyball Barbie: £19.95;

Shopping Barbie: £19.95;

Surfer Barbie: £19.95;

Disco Barbie: £19.95; and

Divorced Barbie: £299.95


Shocked, the man asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie £299.95 when all the other
Barbies are £19.95?"


Exasperated, the girl responds:


"Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with":


Ken's Car

Ken's House

Ken's Boat

Ken's furniture

Ken's jewellery

Ken's money

Ken's computer, and

Ken's best friend

irish man,english man scotts man ar in the local bar

irish man's girlfriend enter's the bar wearing a dress but trips up and everyone can see her green knikers(there green because she supports celtic)

english man's girlfriend enter's the bar wearing a dress but trips up and everyone can see her blue knicker(there blue because she supports chelsea)

then scotts enter's the bar wearing a dress but trips up and everyone can see her ar se and fanny(shes wearing no knicker because she supports arsenal)

knock knock
whos there
doctor
doctor who
you just said it
:cheer::cheer:

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police let us in; it's cold out here.

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Tank!
Tank who?
You're welcome!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Goat.
Goat who?
Goat to the door and find out!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Aware.
Aware who?
Aware, aware has my little dog gone?

knock knock
whos there
lettuce
lettuce who
lettuce us in

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Chimney.
Chimney who?
Chimney cricket! Have you seen Pinocchio?

2 peanuts are walking down the street....One is a-salted!

A man walks into a bar... ouch

2 peanuts are walking down the street....One is a-salted!


and


A man walks into a bar... ouch

What goes up but never goes down






























































your age

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."

She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."

Why do British people throw butter by the window ?




Because butter-fly (Butterfly)

It's the only british joke I know.

what do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto

The Jokes thread!
 

Just thought i'd start a thread about everyone's fav jokes!
Share them with us!!!

Q. Why did the Chiken Cross the Road?

A. To get to the Other Side


LMFAO!!!!!

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Sorry i just love that Joke :hugesmile:

Love it! Very simple!

I got one ok

What goes up but never goes down
















































Your age

^^^ That is true but its not a Joke

Mine was Clearly a Joke and Was Clearly Funny

Your so rude you have a problem with me two threads now you have been rude to me seriously :rolleyes:

Threads merged.

Here's one...

A woman has 12 children, and one day a social worker comes around to see how she is. It's her first visit and she's shocked that the woman has 12 kids.

"How do you remember all their names?" asked the woman.

The mother told her that all her kids are called David.

"Isn't that a bit confusing, what if you want one of them to help you with the washing up?" asked the social worker.

The mother replies that she just shouts for David, and they all come and help her.

"What if someone comes to the door and asks for David?" the social worker asked.

The mother told her that all the David's go together and answer the door.

The social worker is still a little confused, and asks... "But what if you just want ONE of your Davids to come and help you do something, how does that work?"

The mother smiles and says... "Oh that's easy, I just call them by their surname"

:tongue:

I got a couple that make me laugh everytime.

How do you get 200 cows in a barn?
Put a sign up saying Bingo.

What do you call a hundred nuns in a shop?
Virgin Megastores

Why do farts smell?
So deaf people can enjoy them too.

Why haven't women been to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet... ( Sorry.. lol)

The dyslecsic man walks into a bra. :laugh: