Made To Measure
 

Big Brother has asked the gang to get creative and make their version of a "model" housemate, made up from the best bits of the current housemates.

Marco was completely enamoured with the idea, screeching, "what a wicked idea!", while Stuart immediately shouted, "it's got to have Jason's bum."

Victor was also happy about the task, saying his ideal housemate would be "busty."

Come back later to find out how the housemates get on with their task. In the meantime, here are the task instructions in full.

Ahmed double checks the rules


Housemates,

For this evening's task housemates must make a life size model of their ideal housemate, made up from the best features of the current housemates.

The model will be made from plaster gauze, moulded around housemates' body parts and then attached to a wire frame. The model must include one feature from each housemate. The following features are required:

Feet, legs, bottom, arms, hands, stomach, chest, face, hair* and style.

In order to make the plaster model, housemates must adhere to the following procedures.

Housemates must cut the plaster gauze into small strips of approximately three inches. Big Brother has provided safety scissors.

Housemates must cover the chosen area of the body (e.g. leg or arm) in the petroleum jelly supplied and then cover this same area of the body in cling film supplied.

Housemates must then run the small strips of gauze through water, gently squeezing the excess water out, and apply to the chosen area. Big Brother has provided you with bowls for the water.

Housemates must build up the plaster gauze in layers, totalling no more than three layers.

HOUSEMATES MUST NOT COVER WHOLE BODY PARTS OR LIMBS AT ONCE; HOUSEMATES SHOULD ONLY COVER THE FRONT OR BACK HALF OF BODY PARTS TO EASE REMOVAL OF THE PLASTER GAUZE ONCE IT HAS SET.

*The hair can be created by moulding the plaster gauze, do not mould around housemates' hair.

Once housemates have covered a specific area, they must wait five to eight minutes for the plaster gauze to dry before carefully removing it.

Once removed, housemates must then place the body part on the wire frame, attaching it to adjacent body parts using more plaster gauze.

Housemates must then wait two hours from the time the last piece of plaster gauze is attached before painting the model.

Big Brother has provided you with paint and brushes and under no circumstances must this paint be used for purposes other than those intended.

Housemates must read the accompanying safety rules carefully before starting and must adhere to all these rules throughout.

Housemates must lay out plastic sheeting to cover their work area prior to commencing the task. The task must be carried out on this sheeting.

Offcial site ->

http://bigbrother.channel4.com/bigbr...ry.jsp?id=5943

The statue is not weather proof and must remain indoors.

Androgyny Rules OK


The new plaster cast housemate was the product of fertile imaginations, sculpted with a fine pair of breasts worthy of Jordan and a willy worthy of, well, Jason.

Proving that love is blind, the housemates were so enamoured of their plaster cast creation that they took it in turns to serenade their ideal housemate with love songs.

"She's so fit and she knows it," rapped Michelle, paraphrasing The Streets.

Even Victor wasn't immune to the statue's charms. "I just can't get you out of my head," he crooned. "Stay forever and ever and ever," he pleaded.

Other appropriate songs were suggested as the housemates lovingly added boobs and a six-pack to the ambiguously gendered model.

Recreating a scene from the film Ghost, where Demi Moore moulds clay, the BB housemates howled an ear-splitting rendition of Unchained Melody.

This was swiftly followed by yowls of "Could you be the most beautiful girl in the world?"

Big Brother, say no more


"If you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world...It's not her," responded Michelle, unlikely to suffer much jealousy from this particular rival.

That old charmer Jay was on the prowl. "Hello, is it me you're looking for?" he enquired of the plaster-clad monster. But like Vanessa, this particular "girl" wasn't impressed by his seduction technique and remained silent.

"More than a woman" was perhaps the most accurately chosen tune of the night as the housemates decided to equip their shapely model with a large willy. More than a woman indeed!

Everyone joined in for a rousing, and completely inappropriate chorus of Roy Orbison's Pretty Woman. Let's face it, if you saw this particular "woman walking down the street", you'd probably run as fast as you could in the opposite direction.

Expect the album The Greatest Love Songs for Transsexual Statues Ever: Part 1" in record shops soon.

Offcial site, link above