Awful Jokes
 

Ever tried to be funny and completely failed, I have plenty of times, heres one of my jokes which is awful:

Chuck and Harry in an aeroplane..Harry said to Chuck...'if this plane turns upside down, will we fall out?'....Chuck said....'no, we'll always be friends'

While walking through a city, a midget was mugged.
In a statement, the Police said:
"I don't know how someone could stoop so low"

:blush2:

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

NACHO CHEESE.

LOL, i actually snorted when I read that.

Hehe

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick.

Something I found on a thread:

Woman standing in front of a mirror says to her bloke,
Gawd ive put weight on, my bum's big, Ive lots spots, oh please give me a compliment
Husband says "Your eye sight is spot on ! "

And another:

"A young couple wanted to join the church, the pastor told them, 'We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month.' The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed. 'You are back so soon... Is there a problem?' the pastor inquired. 'We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month.' The young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened. 'Well, the first week was difficult... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, Prayers, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off Carnal Thoughts. Until one afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat,' admitted the man, shamefacedly. The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, 'You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.' 'We know.' said the young man, hanging his head, 'We've been banned from Homebase as well'"

properly laughing here

Evil bitch :laugh2:

LOL @ Homebase!

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?




Dr Dre. And that's not meant to be racist, before I get the PC brigade on my back =/

but it doesn't rhyme with snoop?

I was gonna put the stick one!

People usually laugh at me rather than with me,I'm rubbish at jokes.

:bigsmile: Same

I like that one, made me laugh

Snoop Dogg, Dr Dre... :laugh:

Lol :bigsmile:

Here's one my friend says, it's kinda like his trademark.

There's two biscuits walking down the road, the one biscuit asks the other 'hey where do you live?' the other one says 'I'm not telling you, you'll steal my washing!'

It's amazing when he says it in real life, half the people laugh in hysterics the other half are like....Is that meant to be funny? I think it's how he says it though.

The funny thing is I actually laughed at these pathetic jokes. LOL

Especially the very old " What's brown and Sticky... A stick" LMAO

I don't get it :|

'How do you make a swiss-roll?'

...Push him down the hill. :thumbs2:

A midget goes to the doctors with a problem down below... she said doctor i have a problem... and whispers down there.. so the doctor says not to worry lets have a look... the doctor looks and says ahh i can see exactly what the problem is and comes back with scissors... silence in the room except for snip snip snip snip... the doctor said there all done... and the patient got up and said wow i feel so much better already what did you do doctor.
the doctor replied... i trimmed your wellies

What do you call a man with no head?





Headless!

What's pink and fluffy?















Pink fluff!:tongue:

The fire brigade were trying to rescue an Irishman from 10th floor of a burning building.

Fireman shouts "Jump and we will catch you with this blanket"

Irishman Replies " **** off, i dont trust you lay it on the floor!"

I was walking down the street the other day and saw a kid drinking brake fluid.I said "You cannot drink that, it will make you very ill"
He replied "Don't worry Mister, I can stop at anytime"

*gigglesnort*