Chuck Norris
 

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the **** he wants.

Lmao :laugh3:

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into orbit.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

I hate Chuck Norris.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can put humpty dumpty back together again.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.

Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

LOL

Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the **** out of the way.

Jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim on land

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at burger king and got it.

Best.
Thread.
Ever.




On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ****ing beef.

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.