[Strictly Jake]

There was a girlie named Laquisha who sat on Chad Johnson's big pot of hummus. This made Chad fart uncontrollably for five hours straight. Laquisha ate Chad's jumbo sausage roll and Chad got extremely angry at his growing erection. Suddenly Chad died of laughter at Laquishas very big heart and she collapsed sexually unfulfilled.

Meanwhile Lindsay Lohan wiped her wet wipe on Alan Carr’s crusty, hairy arsehole. Gemma Collins decided