[Beso]

I came up to Scotland 8 days ago to see my family...well I'm sure some people (the people I want to read and PROPERLY digest this) will know about my....dare I say it..."smile money" win..



So basically I've went out on the pish for 8 days and not seen my mum much...she understands...as I can believe a lot of mothers on here would...


So here's the story....this happened two night ago btw and when it did I waited until my mum went to bed and sobbed like a baby..


I got in from my date, and I was a bit high.. (fumes, who knows)..but my middle name andorphine..so rather than run away from all my mum's questions I just bowled in......mum, you fancy a drink....oh did she not!


So I'm poring the brandy and she's ending up telling me how my dad used to lift his tool bag, in a deliberate fashion and just walk out the house saying he had to go fix so and so leccy....now you got to understand that me and my at thos point both knew my dad had been jumping on the local bike...


So I'm sat there, just me and my mum...I'm going...


"What, so you knew he was doing it"


Me mums going...nah, but that's what I think nowadays...she creased me up. .

So I'm thinking, wow, mum...you are just like me.. your humour, you are a wind up merchant...can you believe that.....my mum...born on the 8th of March. ..same day as me...making light of something so horrid to her heart. ..


So I'm still in the kitchen with her after pouring her a few brands. ..3 or 4....5 at a push...not big onaes though..

So I'm at the backdoor, it's open and I'm standing puffing away with my back to her, and she goes.....

"Stuart, what will I do if the lump on the back of my neck ends up being cancer"

I sucked hard on my fag, my back still to her so she couldn't see me tears..paused..flicked the fag out into her garden.....turned...looked her straight in the eye and said......."call everybody a **** mum?"