It's an interesting thread.
If I weren't alive the world would probably go on as normal for most people tbh (with the exception of my family of course) but I personally enjoy living even if it's not the most exciting existence in the world.
I'm sorry that you feel this way Black Dagger, 2019 has been a bad year for a lot of people so hopefully that's all it is.
Have you spoken to any family members about how you're feeling?