Answers from actual bisexual/pansexual people really looked for here mainly tbh
. Obviously anyone can reply. But can this stay...debatey rather than descending into arguments and that? Big ask I know..also massive TLDR coming up really..
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OK I know we have had a ****load of threads similar to this, and I was a bit apprehensive of starting another..but here we go. I have just had a huge mouthful over facebook off my best friend..at ****ing 3am (well, best friend from ages back, not seen him in forever now really) because I refuse to redefine myself as pansexual. As for me, its not the label I feel applies to me, at all. Have always been bisexual, since I knew what sexuality was!
He asked if I would in theory sleep with a transperson. I said yes, BUT, I cannot blanket answer that as it depends on a few factors, to do with the actual person. Same as I couldn't just say I would sleep with a woman/man with X characteristics...I guess a way to describe this would be how...you know when you have friends say 'I know someone just your type' and while physically they are correct...you are cold towards them? I could never say I would sleep with someone without actually knowing that person. Theres more than just the physical, maybe is a better way of putting it. Well my refusal to blanket say yes to any and all transpeople, was also proof of my rampant transphobia?!(likely caused by 'outdated notions of bisexuality'...!) But this could 'potentially be fine' if I would be more likely to be attracted, than not. Which again, I cannot blanket answer honestly. But settled for, there are some transpeople I have found attractive in the past yes...which chilled him somewhat.
He now says this means I am pan. Not bi. As bi people only would be happy with masculine men, or feminine women (which also lowkey comes off as...saying only feminine women are women, and only masculine men are men?!). BUT, this is not the case at all for me? OR any other bi people I know either? Masculine/feminine doesn't come into it at all for me? And if it did, it would be..a preference, rather than part of a sexuality? Like how I tend to go for dark haired people in general it seems..preference, not part of sexuality.
I find this a really weird argument. To me, I have always kind of laughed off pan as a 'woke' way of saying bisexual (so in sme ways, might deserve this challenge now!) but thought not much more of it..pan seemed the 'trendy' way of saying bi these days, mainly to younger people who have possibly been convinced that bi is a dirty word. But this seems to be getting more..mainstream, that if I say I am bisexual, that means I am writing off all feminine men, masculine women, androgynous, all in inbetween extreme female barbies, and GI joe males?!
So, IS bisexual a way of saying you are basically unwilling to consider anyone besides barbie dolls and GI joes these days?!
Does anyone else who is bisexual, get pressure to redefine themselves as pan?
Does anyone who defines themselves as pan, think pan is different to bisexuality...and if so, how?
Does anyone actually think that bisexual is a label that automatically discounts all trans people, or people who ignore/defy stereotypes?! Where pan is the 'inclusive' way of saying it?
I actively try to avoid a lot of this kind of thing as have came to see it as fringe arguing..but, given its now seemingy reaching my life, am guessing its not fringe arguing anymore..
Have for now just told him to **** right off with trying to find anything in my sexuality thats..anything but my sexuality tbh. And have also asked him if, given he is homosexual, does this go for him also, meaning, he would only be atracted to masculine men...and if not, why not? Half expecting to be called homophobic at this stage. But I feel I have a point there (also please tell me if I am out of order, as seeing red a little tbf. But I feel the logic is there, if using his own logic towards me? I don't really think he cannot be gay if he likes feminine men of course, thats nonsense!)? If bi means only masculine men/feminine women, and masculine women/androgynous people/feminine men/trans people pf either sex, would mean I have to use pansexual, then surely, a homosexual man..it must be about masculine guys. And if he likes any other guys, that means he is also pan?
Not one to argue sexuality stuff generally. But I feel I should go down with this ship now as...its annoyed the hell out of me.
Addition thats not really ontopic as such
Spoiler:
As even more of a joke, he has used Buck Angel (this tweet, and his subsequent replies) as an example of the transphobic rhetoric that surrounds the word bisexual?!
https://twitter.com/BuckAngel/status...40767813656584
Like, thats the tweet that set him off on the topic. He appears to think Buck is a 'cis man' which is just ridiculous to me as Buck has as his pinned tweet, that he is transsexual, and also is quite a 'big name' really in trans discussions, that I have seen anyway?! And. Some of Bucks own replies, make it very clear he is transsexual also. So using him as an example of transphobia, is also quite odd. Put quite simply, the initial message to me had that link, and 'so you always were bisexual, have you been enlightneed yet or not?' which rubbed me up wrongly to start with in honesty..
Appreciate answers to random questions I have asked throughout my above waffle, but my main question is...do YOU think bisexual 'signals' transphobia? And basically, if yes, why?
Will also delete this if it turns into...sniping and that. Meant as an actual discussion, as it seems a topic that gets alluded to a lot, but not actually...done. And I don't realy see it as 'another trans/gender thread' given the focus is..well bisexuality? Can remove if it offends many though I guess, its just...my thought process throughout this whole thing with my mate really. Wanna know if I am actually being crappy, before I tell him to go **** himself with his biphobia...really!