[Mrluvaluva]

I was having a dream. It was quite intense and vivid as I recall. A tall, somewhat lanky man, was chasing me. He had flowing locks and a slightly sinister grin on his face. I was distraught and scared. I carried on running trying to distance myself from the perpetrator who wouldn't leave me be. It was at this point I tripped on an overground tree root. I fell and hurt my leg. I was incapacitated in both mind and body. My whole body and bosom was heaving. I was anticipating what would become of me. I was scared but strangely aroused. The dark figure came slowly out of the trees. I first saw his unusually large feet. I convinced myself it was a werewolf. Then suddenly, my mind came into recognition. **** off Nathan. Not tonight.…..

And then the breathy whisper of Nathan replying "Go on. Go on. Go on!"

"I felt like a butchers bin bag as Nathan gently eased his pork sausage into me."

…she whispered to Nathan…’I don’t know if I find this truly appeeling…’…but she was reassured by his gentle hand on her arm and his soothing words…’Miss Potato…take me as I yam because I yam what I yam…and what I yam is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking a girl..

"BP" Nathan whispered in her ear. "Do not be alarmed my sweet maiden for I have come to save you. I am your destiny. I am the greatest purveyor of pork in the whole region. I will show you my credentials and you will truly believe the love I have for you. See my pork sword! I will use it to slay any man or beast who contends me"!

…that was such a sweet tenderloin of pork moment, she sighed…then suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of a large chop nearby.

The chopping noise came from the sound of Nathan slapping his tenderloin on the table. "Here are my wares! he exclaimed. It is 2 fingers and a hand span. The measurements used at that time. It hushed the whole room. Suddenly a lowly voice filled the room.

It was not a voice though…it was Lady Emma from the House of Essex, who had been doing her daily bend and snap fitness regime…but she forgot the bend bit and what they heard were her screams…but in the corner of their eye, they could see a broken brush that Lady Emma had intended to use to paint 50 shades of black.

Black was her darkness. It was shrouded in her soul. She had a brush with death but she was still lucid. She needed to alert her companions of her predicament. She thought hard for hours. Suddenly she came up with a plan. She would cartwheel out of there. Her mind was shot but unfortunately her back was also. Her legs were like jelly but she didn't realise the consequences of that move. She found her phone nearby and had to call Lady Ali, who had crossed oceans in the travel from her home in Persia…whatever the cartwheel dilemma,

Lady Ali from Persia always had a theory so Lady Emma knew this was the call she had to make…(…and so to another chapter…)….

…when Persian Lady Ali from Persia, the great and wonderous theorist of their time, took the phone call …she was having a soothing back-foot suck and lubrication from her foot maidens, Hanah and Segun.

Well Lady Ali from Persia had taught such a thing to Lady Emma. Also Lady Martha. Who didn't quite execute said move so eloquently. Lady Emma had taken her teachings on board but she was still wary of her intentions towards herself after seeing the consequences of Lady Ali's previous misgivings. Lady Emma was confused. "How could this be"? she exclaimed. "Is she a witch? A red witch at that!"

The souls of Segunion and Khaledish had entered Lady Ali's body. She was being taken over by Marchy Marchy. "Ohhh. He's cute" she exclaimed. She had no power to resist at that point. She was gone. Her mind was not her own. Then suddenly her cute and beloved Marchy March screeched ‘they’ve taken my chicken…!!!!!!!!!!…’…those vampires have taken my chicken and now all I have in this dark period of my life is tea bags…?…this is so wrong and so tragic and awful that I’ve lost one of Marchy’s and now am just a one March peasant rap boy….but aha..!!!!!!!, he know who could help fix this…Oh My Daze Fairy Queen who lived behind the wall…she generally spent her time stuck to trees and plants and things, but he would seek her out…he would enter the dark forest and find her…but first, he must get the red witch Ali to help him through the wall.

The red witch cast a spell.

“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble”

The cauldron began to bubble. It cast a whole fog in the immediate area. She tried to use her invisibility cloak to escape the proceedings but she was clocked by Lady Lily of Warrington. "I see ya!" she exclaimed in excitement. The fairy queen Daze reached out to the red witch with a branch from the tree she was glued to and lifted her up, thus saving her from the baying crowd that had gathered.

Suddenly Lord Nathan returned from his travels and caused a diversion.

"I am back from my explorations! I have been to a place called Espania! Here I found many things but the most wondrous of them all is the potato!"

The crowd gasped..

"It will grow from my love and attention! I will nurture it until it is mature! I will never leave it's side!"

It was at that point Lord Thomas piped up and proclaimed…’I will choose my words carefully because I don’t have many words to say, I was given them very sparingly as there wasn’t many words left for my part in all of this…I will take whatever I get, though and I will use them for the good of …well, me’….

…although all intentions were good and enthusiasm was among them…the truth of it is that none knew how to nurture and grow the potato so that they could all share it in a roast dinner…as it was, the portions would be very small so they needed to increase those to satisfy their hungry stomach areas…poor Marchy’s area in the olden days had resembled a washboard but now it was sadly just a little withering bit of flesh and bone…they decided to travel to Coconut Bay in the heart of the Welsh forest to seek the help of the Wolfman, Izaaz…they didn’t even know whether he really existed as he had only ever been a mention of stories…he was a man of principles and honour unless he was sleep deprived…and then his wolf would emerge and he’d get very grumpy…but they would take that risk, that this encounter would see him more cheerful and helpful….and they’d take him some Welsh leeks, which would help enhance his mood…so off they all went, trekking toward the forest…but suddenly..

Marchys baby popped out. It was like a scene from Alien! His washboard had become a paunch. Some people thought it was a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a rock potato!

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Ali inspected the carnage that ensued. "He's dead!" she proclaimed. " Now the Kingdom is mine! All mine!"

Lady Hanah was in full disagreement. "See my prince? Prince Segun? He will lift me up out of here and we shall rule this land forever!"

Prince Thomas stayed silent.

In the meantime someone removed Lord Nathan's baked potato for forensic analysis. It was the wicked red witch! She had mind control over Lord Segun and asked him to explain his actions. He crumbled under her superior powers.

His explanation of events riled the red witch. She wasn't standing for such ****ery.

Lady Sarah just stood by and watched. She couldn't intervene because Marchy was in her face and screaming…’you’re not an influencer…!!!!!!!!!…you women-folk always think that you are, that you are people of influence …but no, that’s only the bros - the Mandem are the only ones in this land who have any influence over others’…and as Marchy was screaming that right up in Lady Sarah’s face…Lord Segun gave 10,000 bursts of laughter from the side vault of the forest…while Lord Nathan remained unbothered by this turn of events…one potato, two potato…no1curr…if one potato was to fall then there would always be another …?…

…anyway, meanwhile…no one could find the one they called Khaled, it was as if he had completely vanished…they asked Prince Thomas…’where is the one they call Khaled/we call Khaled/who calls Khaled/please hold while we connect and stay on the line for a glass of wine etc)…’…but as always, Prince Thomas remained silent…was there a reason why he never spoke…?..was this some kind of witchery that Ali of Persia had brought about….?….suddenly there was an unapologetic eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek from the other side of the forest…‘that shriek is coming from the vault..’…they all said together, as they trembled and huddled and chanted the protective raps that Marchy had taught them to chant at such dangerous times.

The "eek" from the forest was foreboding. Somewhat sinister. Was it aliens or something else? The message slowly came through. They couldn't understand at first.

"What is it?" Ali questioned.

"M"!

"I'm not sure?" Nathan retorted.

"S"!

It's like the davinci code! Suddenly it all became clear.

"MSG!" cried the call from the heavens. "MSG!" "I love MSG"!

The aurora was happening.

Now!

Lady Emma knew such vocabulary because she had attended the School of Soufend which was a highly sought after place for parents wanting their child to get the best possible education.

But Lady Lily was a good witch and directed them all to safety as the figurehead.

Anyway, to cut a long story short they all ended up arriving at Coconut Bay in the Welsh forest. Izaaz was there to greet them. "I've been waiting here 12 hours for you guys! I've got sleep deprivation! Not impressed!"

They had to tip-toe around him and let him sleep.

Later on, when he awoke, everyone was in the mood to go out. "I know!" Segun exclaimed. "Let's go to The Vault!" "I've heard it's a cool place and there's even a casino! You can win money in there!" Not everyone was on board though, but they'll went anyway. He got to the door but then realised he only had 4 tickets and the night was sold out. Who would he choose?