[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Kate!

Ahem. Kate's article.

Took me ages. Lol!

Headline : No Shame Shamus to run for London Mayor. Meet the candidate...he's a punching, spitting foul mouthed machine who identifies as a feline.

Shamus Jones, once arrested for fighting a Drag Queen whilst dressed as a cat (!) has announced his candidacy to run for Mayor of London.

Shamus, or No Shamus as his mates call him, aged 35 from no fixed abode aka various friends couches had this to say....

"O'right! Me name's Shamus. Hehe. Elect me. Fcuk that Sadiq. I can run rings round him. So he's proposing to ban advertising gambling? Fcuk that! Nowt wrong with banging the odd tenner on
a filly once in a while. BetFred's my bookie of choice. Go there.

Me policies? What are they? Oh yeah, right! Well I'll do whatever you want darling, you've got a lovely pair of coconuts, love these sexy reporters they send to talk.to me I do."

Shamus promises to do the following...

To endeavour to keep my promises whenever possible

To refuse to give any more speeches until the next election is looming

To vow to never stop making promises

To lower my own taxes. Hey it's a start!

To do away with automated phone answering services. Press 1 if you'd rather fcuk off down the pub.

To sympathise with citizens about lousy spongers on my way to see Taylor Swift in concert. VIP seats.

To build an escape proof prison on Love Island.

To do everything in my power to avoid prison.

And

I promise to change my name legally to Pussy Tippy Toes and go shopping dressed as a cat every Sunday.

So that's him in a nutshell. Would you vote for this man? Scandalous!

…no Shame Shamus versus Knucklehead Kindless Killjoy and kill all of the other pensioners Keir….it’ll be a tough choice for voting in the next GE…actually no it wont be tough at all…anyway, thats enough politics in the game section……great story, Kate…..